Saturday, August 25, 2007

Day 61

One of the things I've been most proud of this month is the way I've made time for my practice. Most mornings, I've unrolled my mat even when I really didn't feel like it (and to be honest, this has been much of the time). On Friday, I woke up and I just knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't practice. My body was simply saying 'no'. So I didn't. I slept in, took a walk, went on with my day.

And my body was so, so right. After work on Friday, I came home and went to sleep. I didn't wake for 13 hours. This afternoon, I slept for an additional 3 hours. I just can't seem to get enough sleep. I'm listening to my body and I'm going with this flow. I'll probably go to bed early again tonight. Needless to say, this is hell on my social life, but a social life of any kind doesn't seem to be in the cards for me right now anyways. August has been a sad, stupidly ironic month. I'll be so happy when it's over.

Some of this sentiment comes from life being 'life' and some of it is medically induced. The side effects from my medication have been particularly brutal and I've been in a lot of pain. Friday was horrible and I'm discovering the toll chronic pain can take on the body and spirit. I'm just so exhausted, all the time. I've never been this tired in my life. I'm not generally a tired person. In fact, I'm usually one of those “I'll-sleep-when-I'm-dead” people. These days? I sleep all the time. It's my new favourite hobby.

I'm seeing my doctor on Monday and I will talk to him about strategies we can take to alleviate some of the pain (I already spoke with my pharmicist and she suggested 'Tylenol' - I'm already doing that and I'm allergic to Ibuprofen). At the very least, I would like to be comfortable during my hockey games. And I will be teaching a full-time yoga schedule come September. I simply can't allow the pain and fatigue to interfere with my work - it's too important to me.

I haven't particularly enjoyed the contract I'm working on this month and I know I put a lot of blame on 'work' for the stress and exhaustion. Next week is my last week at that office, and although I'll miss a few of the people I got to know, I won't miss the rest of it. It will be interesting to see how my outlook improves once I'm finished with that whole mess. I seem to tolerate the medication better on weekends when I'm not under additional stress of working a job-and-a-half.

Practice today was good, solid, unremarkable. But I practised, and that's something.

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