Alarm clock fail! I slept in until 7:30. Oops!
I suppose my body thinks it 'needed' that 10 hours of sleep, but I'm getting a bit skeptical. I seemed to be doing just fine on 8 hours per night last week and I wasn't having any trouble falling asleep either.
If I can manage to remember the alarm clock this week, I'd like to wake early for my practices and take afternoon naps to balance out the sleep.
I got up and did a 'late' practice this morning, on the mat by 8:30. I didn't do any of the extras. No hip openers, shoulder openers or extra backbends. I was finished in 90 minutes.
I loved this practice because I kept moving and I was comfortable. I'm starting to question whether 'comfortable' is really good for me, though.
While reading this blog post from Helen, I was so moved that I started crying. On a public bus (good times!). It really struck a chord in me.
I can SO relate to everything she's going through, even though I'm not quite there yet. Her musings mirror the struggles I've had in Urdhva Dhanurasana. This has started me thinking about how I'm working in my backbends (or 'not working', as the case may be).
The truth is, I can face physical discomfort head on, but I tend to run away from fear and the 'emotional stuff'. These days, I'm still struggling with plain old 'garden variety' backbends. For all intents and purposes, I'm right back where I started with Urdhva Dhanurasana, albeit with a deeper backbend and better alignment. And deeper breathing (I take my victories where I find them).
I find it really, really difficult to work this stuff out on my own. I do practice consistently and I do work hard in my practice, but this is one area where I would really benefit from encouragement and the regular presence of a teacher. I don't know how much I should be pushing! I'm trying to stay in a zone where I'm connected to my breath. But I'm afraid I will lose the openness I've gained by not pushing further.
And to be honest, I don't know if I have the will power to face up to that discomfort and breath through it. I know exactly where my edge is because it's the place where my breathing stops and my heart begins to hurt. I don't like to go to that place and I'm not motivated to find it unless someone is nudging me. Someone I trust.
So here's where I'm at: I'm not really pushing myself in backbends. I think about it. I give myself little 'pep talks'. And I approach my practice every day with the best of intentions. Then, I bail out when I hit that moment of discomfort. Every day. And I feel awful about it. *hangshead*
On the bright side, I'm feeling comfortable with my Intermediate poses and I'm breathing deeply through that portion of my practice. Several of those poses used to push me into the 'freak out zone' and now I enjoy them. That's something, right? It's given me a glimpse of what's possible if I can just move through to the 'other side.'
I have no idea how Kapo is going to play out in my practice when I get it (and it won't be any time soon), but if the current state of affairs is any indication, it's going to be rough going.
Oh yeah, I forgot...on a 'lighter' note: I jumped into Bhujipadasana this morning without my feet touching the floor. Then I did the rest of the pose and kept going, no drama, no worries. Even though I did it, I still can't believe it did it. *mindboggle*
I amaze myself. And disappoint myself. Simultaneously!
This is for those of you who, like me, are afraid that the stress of your practice may be speeding up the aging process.
The 70s Yoga Ladies have the answer! Anti-wrinkle yoga:
'Fill out the lines', eh? Sounds suspiciously like Botox!
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