Friday, February 29, 2008

Day 201

As Jenna pointed out, because it's the Leap Day, today is a 'free day.' I guess it's another one of those mysterious days when it's unclear what an Ashtangi should do (kinda like the eclipse). Should I practice? Should I take a day of contemplation and introspection? Should I live wild and dine on wine and Leonidas chocolates?

I did stop by the Leonidas shop ;-) (and hope to make it to the LCBO this weekend, but I digress). In the end, I decided to use this day to do all of the things I would normally be doing on the weekend. Like shopping and cleaning and food preparation for the coming week, etc, etc. I did these tasks between classes (I teach two on Fridays) and I'm now wrapping up a few loose ends before I commence my Weekend of Sloth.

I think I really need it.

Practice was absolutely abysmal. It's funny - when I'm in a headspace where I'm loving my practice and finding refuge in it, it's inconceivable to me that I would ever dread it. When I'm in a headspace where I'm dreading it, I can't imagine that I could ever look forward to it. And boy am I ever in a 'yoga slump' right now.

This morning *should* have been a magical practice. I was under no time crunch, so I could linger in my favourite poses. I had good music playing in iTunes. I was baking bread, so the whole apartment was fragrant and toasty warm. The sun was shining so there were misty sunbeams traversing my yoga mat (of course, as I write this in the evening, we're being hit by yet another snow storm). And yet, I dragged myself to the mat and as I readied myself for the first sun salutation, this is what was running through my head: DO. NOT. WANT. TO.


But I did. Apparently, February is my Yoga Martyr Month. I may complain about it, but I do my practice all the same.

I managed to get through the two handstands today without losing my shit. Instead, I saved the nervous breakdown for Urdhva Dhanurasana. By the third backbend, I was curled up in a fetal position sobbing. There's no real cut-and-dry reason for this. Sure, it's a tough month for those of us who live in Northern climes. Winter sucks. And yeah, Operation 'BE BRAVE' didn't go so well for me (we've now moved on to Operation 'FEEL HUMILIATED'). But I'll live. Seriously, spring has to come sometime, right?

I keep thinking about me, in a bikini, on the beach, bathed in sunlight, waves lapping on the shore of Lake Ontario. If I squeeze my eyes shut and breath deeply I can almost feel the sand between my toes and taste the muffins from the Island Bakery.

I keep digressing.

The handstands were brutish - yup, Chewbaka is back. Backbends were unpleasant. Musical Sirsasana was 'The Good in Everyone' by Sloan (bootleg live recording from the Napster Good Ol' Days).

I'm sleeping in tomorrow, but will be back on Sunday...


Anonymous said...

Congratulations on passing 200! I have been enjoying your blog- I now think of Chewbaka every time I do handstands- thanks for that! Have a good weekend-

Kaivalya said...

I giggled when I read that you think about Chewbaka in handstands now. Clearly, I'm spreading my quirkiness far and wide. ;-) Maybe I should get Chewbaka a t-shirt made...