Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Day 198

Woke up at 5:00 a.m., laid around in bed feeling sorry for myself until 5:20, on the mat by 5:45.

I had a nice, though stiff, practice (mostly the hips and hamstrings were tight). Backbends felt surprisingly open. Handstands were nice and floaty...wee! I feel like I'm making progress there. Musical Sirsasana was 'Fully Completely' by the Tragically Hip.

The day after hockey is always a bit dodgy for me. I was struck with insomnia last night and my shoulder was bothering me. I took a muscle relaxant, rubbed my shoulder with that weird-smelling goopy stuff, meditated for 20 minutes and finally got to sleep. Oddly enough, the shoulder was fine during hockey last night and fine during practice this morning. I think I'm just working the kinks out.

Ah, all these little physical dramas!

Hockey was awesome! We tied the game, 2-2. I had two very solid shots on net, and the two assists for the goals. Lately, I've been wondering if I'm just wasting my time at the rink in the mornings, skating around in circles, but I do a lot of work on skills. What I'm realising is that in order for a new skill to be useful to me in a hockey game, it has to become entirely second nature (because when I'm playing, I’m too focused on setting up plays, fighting for the puck and avoiding doing anything stupid to really pay any attention to my skating). In other words, it's when I'm not overthinking it that I get it.

Sound familiar? Think: cookies.

In other news, I accomplished something very important today. Frequently, I allow fear to prevent me from taking a needed action. There's something in my personal life that I've been needing to do for a very long time and an opportunity came up to do it. Of course, I held back because I was very afraid. At times like these, I just wish that I was a braver person.

Last night, it occurred to me that instead of wishing I was braver, maybe I should just BE braver. I even wrote it on a sticky note: BE BRAVE.

BE BRAVE.

This morning, I did the Very Brave Thing that I've been putting off.

In retrospect now, it seems so simple. But it's not. That deep, anguished fear I had deep in my gut is *exactly* the same irrational fear I used to have about handstand (and I still have about some inversions). Recently, I read on a yoga blog that a fear of inversions is common in very orderly people who are adverse to chaos. Um, that would definitely be me. *meekly raises hand*

So. I did this brave thing. The question is out there, has been laid on the table. I still don't have my answer (which doesn't entirely surprise me) but I'm at peace with it. It is what it is.

Ah, all these little personal dramas!

3 comments:

Yogamum said...

I had never heard that about inversions. It explains my fear of them and my husband's fear as well (he is even more chaos-averse than I am)!

Michelle said...

Excellent! Be Brave. I love it. Good for you again. I think I may be your biggest fan. ;)

rand(om) bites said...

That explains why I am so fearful and still don't attempt inversions frequently! I'm a virgo and you can't get much more orderly than a virgo LOL. I love that you have said that insteading of trying to be brave - just BE BRAVE. Good going hon and I hope it all works out now that you've put it on the table.