Waiting for the Rapture...

I had a rough practice this morning, which I capped off nicely by falling sound asleep while 'taking rest'. I've never done that before in a shala! I woke up disoriented and realised I'd been at the shala for nearly two-and-a-half hours by that point. Good thing I didn't have anywhere I needed to be (and the room wasn't particularly crowded).

After practice, my back felt tweaked out on the right side. As soon as I got home, I rinsed off, put on a fresh set of yoga clothes and headed back out to Hot Central. I figured a Bikrams class might iron things out a little bit and it did - I felt better. The area is still a little tender, but nothing a few minutes rolling around on a tennis ball won't solve.

I'm not certain what brought this on. I do know that I've been using mucles differently in a several postures of my Primary. And Intermediate has been causing all sorts of sensation to emerge in my back too. I'm keeping an eye on it all and being mindful.

Taking that earlier Bikram class fit my schedule perfectly! I couldn't go to the 'Gong Show' hot class tonight because I met up with my meditation group and we all went out to eat afterward. Nothing like Buddhist meditation and Indian food to cap off the last day before the Rapture! I needed to confirm my status as a heathen so there will be no question tomorrow when the Angels of Mercy descend from On High to scoop up the Righteous! Me=Not Righteous!

Is it selfish to hope that the Rapture doesn't carry off my Mysore teacher? I was really looking forward to that workshop on Sunday! I also hope God doesn't carry off the people with floaty vinyasas and deep backbends (I'm looking at you, Susan) leaving the rest of us behind to fend for ourselves!

Also, given that these are the End Days, I'm thinking it might be fun to finish up Intermediate Series by the time the world implodes permanently in October. Do you think I'll be able to pull it off in between earthquakes, plagues and floods? Those seven headstands might be kinda hard to nail if the ground is shaking...


(It boggles me that any God in His right mind would destroy a world that's looking so pretty...!)

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The Gong Show

The week's practices have been the usual mix of hot yoga and Astanga. On Wednesday, I attended Peanut's class at Hot Central. I've adopted a new 'spot' in that room, near the upper left corner in the front row. Yeah, I'm in the front row now. I'm no 'Birkam Rock Star' but I decided that I like being able to spot for alignment in the front mirror. Also, it's less important to me now to be able to see my backbends in a mirror behind me - in fact, that was becoming a bit of a crutch.

The pose I'm working on the most in hot classes these days is Dandayamana-Janushirasana (standing head-to-knee). Today, for the first time, I was able to bring my forehead to my shin and balance there for a few seconds - on both sides! It's still a work-in-progress, but the skill set is readily transferring to my Astanga practice - Uttita Hasta Padangusthasana has never been so stable!

I brought my knee to my shoulder again in Pavanamuktasana. It's really not on the shoulder per se, but more on the front of the armpit-crease. In Astanga, students often hope to hear a 'Good!' from the teacher. These Bikram teachers like adjectives! As Peanut strolled by in Pavanamuktasana, he said "Beautiful, Kai!" and I got that warm, 'the-teacher-thinks-I'm-doing-well' heart-glow. I've said it before, but praise makes me work harder. I think that's why I always do so well in Peanut's class. He's very generous with feedback and he's good at pushing me in a way that's encouraging instead of defeating.

Thanks, boss! *grin*

On Thursday, I dove back into my Astanga practice, full Primary plus my Intermediate. After the futzy practice on Tuesday, I was determined to keep my focus. My vinyasas are still very 'bare bone'. I've been keeping myself inspired by maximising what I *can* do within the limitations of my gimpy shoulder. So I'm doing Chaturanga to the floor, into Upward Facing Dog, back to the floor, then doing a push-up to Chaturanga before coming to table pose and crawling (*sigh*) to the front of my mat for the next pose. It probably looks pretty dumb, but at least I'm building strength.

On Friday, I headed back to Hot Central for the Friday class. I'm starting to LOVE this class! It's one of the most entertaining yoga experiences ever! It's never difficult to 'get a spot' because all the regulars populate the front row and there are not too many of us. The last two rows are usually PACKED, usually with newbies or relative newbies. It's a community class so it's the perfect one to drag a reluctant friend to because it's only five bucks.

The class begins and the front row smoothly moves through the postures, while all hell breaks loose in last two rows. It's like 'The Gong Show' back there! People are whispering, falling over, sitting down abruptly, guzzling water, knocking over their waterbottles, playing with their towels and generally flailing around. I'm NEVER bored and since no one's going to 'bad lady' me about my Driste, once I get into a pose I happily watch the chaos break out behind me from the front mirror (balancing poses are my absolute favourite). It's better than reality television (and I understand Mr. Choudhury is on top of that idea too!).

Pine Nut wasn't there this time, Macadamia was covering. I haven't been to one of her classes in a couple of weeks. She usually runs overtime, but I don't care on a Friday because I'm just going home afterward. I had a great moment in Padangustasana (toe stand), balancing with my hands together for the duration, both sides. Then I totally fell on my bum at the end of the second side and cracked up. See? The front row can be entertaining too! :-D

This morning (Saturday), I just did the Primary Series. I'm going to stick to Primary on Saturdays from now on because I'm doing a lot of yoga back-to-back and I'm always tired because I seem to get to bed late on Fridays.

The shoulder felt sore today - I couldn't do Urdhva Dhanurasana, so I came up on my head instead and focused on working my legs. A few hours after practice, I started playing around with some hangbacks and I'm wondering if they might be a vible alternative to UD as I'm waiting for this shoulder injury to heal. They felt GREAT.





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Astanga

Often after a couple of days away from my Astanga practice, I'm struck with an irrational fear that somehow I won't find my way back to it - like a wandering child, veering off the known path and becoming lost in the woods. In the interval of non-practice, the Primary Series starts to appear long and interminable. I begin to wonder if I might be too weak. From afar, the practice starts to look too difficult.

Then I get back on the mat and everything is okay again. That's what I did this morning. My two-day Astanga vacation gave me a some perspective and appreciation for my daily practice. I realised that I didn't care whether I was doing perfectly floaty vinyasas between postures. I was just happy that I was doing anything at all! I was just happy to be there.

So I did my Primary and I had a good practice. Since it was Friday, there was no pressure to do Intermediate poses, but I know I'm ready to add them back in. My shoulder is still a bit sore in places, but I'm 99% there. I stopped pushing back into downward dog half-way my practice through because I didn't want to aggravate my shoulder, but I was feeling pretty good. I skipped inversions, due to my LH.

I did five backbends! Today, I was even walking my hands in. I can feel the effect of *not* doing backbends this past week. My front body is very tight and I feel the stretch across my belly when I push up into Urdhva Dhanurasana.

Tomorrow, there will be a very mediocre, but hard-won 'State-of-the-Backbend' photo! For practice, I'm going to take it easy, but I'll be back in the Astanga business for practice on Sunday.

Overall, I'm feeling a little more upbeat. It was just an awful week, but like all awful weeks, there's an end to it. My voice is still raspy, but I can talk. Sometimes. It's gradually returning.

And with a reduced schedule, I'll finally be able to rest and have some fun. Things will only get slower coming up on the holiday. My favourite part of Christmas is the time off!

********************
A dog story for Princess Fur Friday:

My superintendents are not happy to be managing a building in a province that protects the right of tenants own dogs. When I first moved in, they asked me to sign a clause verifying that I would 'never own a dog'. I cited my legal rights and they backed down.

Since then, they've tried various underhanded strategies to force us out. When I finally filed a formal complaint, they backed down.

But then they renovated the elevators with special, Princess-Fur-Camouflaging interiors. I was suspicious. See? They're still trying to make her disappear! She blends right in:




In the sample book, I'm pretty sure that particular colour swatch was called 'Schnauzer'.

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Astanga

The universe is mocking me. I was sleepless past 2 a.m. last night with insomnia and cramps, but my LH is still MIA (I'm overloading on the acronyms here because, frankly, I'm sick of talking about it). So I got up this morning to practice: tired, sore and cranky.

My cold appears to be wrapping up, but laryngitis is following close on its heels. Believe me, this is the kiss of death for a full-time yoga teacher who offers mainly led classes. I'm scheduled to teach four classes tomorrow! I really need my voice!

And to top it all off, winter is here in full force, with snow flurries, wind chills and overcast misery. We haven't seen the sun in days. The sidewalks are gritty with salt. Even the smallest excursion outdoors chills to the bone.

Practice this morning was full Primary, which is so soothing. I love it! It's hard to start, but then it's hard not to stop. It's an easy practice for me, particularly since I'm still modifying every vinyasa. Today, I recovered my Chaturanga-to-Upward-Facing-Dog, with no pain. I can do Downward Facing Dog as long as I set it up very carefully. It's not the complete vinyasa, but it's a start.

The best news: I did Urdhva Dhanurasana today, three times, very carefully. First backbends in nearly a week!

So it's coming along, slowly but surely. I'm just trying to be patient as this difficult week crawls by. I'm keeping faith with my practice and holding on to the hope that everything will be easier in 7 days.




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Astanga

Last night was rough. I didn't sleep well because my head hurt and my sinuses were throbbing. Then, I was kept awake with horrible cramps that stayed with me until morning.

But when I rolled out of bed in the morning, my LH hadn't actually started, so I still had to get up and do my practice.

Lady's Holiday FAIL!!!

I'm still waiting, and in the meantime I'm bloated, paranoid and I can't. stop. eating. cookies. *burp* Epic PMS!

On the bright side, I actually had a very nice practice and my shoulder does feel a *bit* better. I was able to do Purvottanasana today, which made me happy because it's become one of my favourite poses. A number of other small things are back: bringing my arms overhead in Prasarita C (gently, of course), reverse-prayer-hands in Parsvottanasana, and grabbing my toes in Baddha Padmasana.

But some simple things are still tricky, notably downward facing dog and bringing my top arm alongside my ear in Parsvakonasana. I'm still modifying my vinyasas and skipping vinyasas between sides too.

I haven't bothered to even try my Intermediate poses and since I can't press up into Urdhva Dhanurasana or even put any weight into my shoulder in that position, backbends are out. I'm doing 'bridge pose' instead, hoping that I can at least strengthen my legs and work on that elusive connection between active legs and relaxed gluteals. Last time I was up at North, DR pointed out that I still I haven't nailed that.

On the even brighter side, I'm successfully fighting off the cold I picked up. A combination of ColdFX, neti pot, and vitamin C seems to be doing the trick and I haven't even brought out the oregano oil yet. As I'm writing this (on the subway home from my last class of the day, 9 p.m.), I'm feeling about 100 times better than I did in the morning.

********************
It's 70s Yoga Day! Here, Kareen demonstrates one method to let off some steam when you have Epic PMS.




BLAAAAARRRRRGGGH!

It's even more effective when you shake your head vigorously back and forth and flap your tongue around like a crazy lazy.

I tried it and now I only want to eat *half* the box of double chocolate vegan cookies.

I'm saving the other half for tomorrow. ;-)

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Astanga

After all of that fuss and drama yesterday, I was unprepared for my practice to be so ordinary and - dare I say it - good. I moved through at a good clip. My body seems to have adjusted to the modified vinyasas and I found myself falling into a groove. I skipped vinyasa between sides today to reduce the impact on my gimpy shoulder.

The shoulder is feeling much better! I didn't even notice any sensation until the very end of my practice. If this is any indication, I think a weekend of rest will resolve the problem. I hope so.

********************
Princess Fur is enjoying her new hiding place under the desk very much. All the better to supervise me as I practice!




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Astanga

The Good: Ten hours of sleep. TEN! My mid-day class cancelled, so I slept in. Till 7:30 a.m.!!! It was heavenly.

The Bad: My practice. Nearly everything about it. Today, I sunk to a new low, not only skipping backbends, but opting out of Sirsasana as well. And I didn't bother with Intermediate either. Clearly, I need to figure out some reliable substitutions for those parts of the series.

Well, the backbends anyway. I skipped Sirsasana because I had The Lazy.

I can't believe I have to do it all again tomorrow. This has been one of those weeks when my practice feels impossible. The weekend is the light at the end of my tunnel.

In the meantime...




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Astanga

It's as if the Astanga Gods heard my whimpers of despair this week and delivered this morning's practice as a reward: I had a fantastic full Primary! I always love Primary Fridays, but this was a particularly yummy one!

I think I may have answered my own question regarding the hamstring. This morning, as I pushed through the sensation - with care and attention - I felt a shift. After a few minutes of this, things started to open up and lengthen. It felt AMAZING!

Kurmasana is the pose that tore my hamstring. A commenter asked where I was feeling discomfort prior to the injury. It was right around the attachment to the left sit bone. One day, I was lifting my heels in Kurmasana (something I had been doing for months) when I felt a sharp pain around my left sit bone. I knew immediately that it was bad, and it was.

As the injury healed, I continued with my daily practice, making all of these hilarious modifications to the Primary Series to accommodate my gimpy hamstring. Lots of bent legs! It seems silly now, but I often wondered if I would *ever* be able to do Kurmasana again. It felt so impossible! The pose used to be one of my favourites and over the summer, I watched with a bit of envy as shala-mates came into it.

Earlier in the week, I was experimenting with Kurmasana, engaging my legs and nearly coming into the full expression of the pose, chest close to the floor, and then strongly engaging my legs...as if my heels might lift (but not lifting my heels).

Today, I did this for five breath cycles and continued for another five. My chest was on the floor, I was feeling really comfortable in the pose and there was no sensation at all around my left sit bone. So I tentatively lifted my heels:



WEEEEEEE!!!! :-D

I know I'm not out of the woods yet. There will inevitably be days when I'm stiff and uncomfortable, but I think the worst is over. Lifting my heels in Kurmasana felt like the final test, and I've passed! I'm now learning where my limits are with this healing injury and how to move past them with care.

This has been SUCH a learning experience!

********************
Every morning, Princess Fur gets her fur combed out. If I don't do this, she turns into the schnauzer version of Bob Marley with fantastic dreads.

When I call her over, she hesitates, then finally heaves herself out of the basket and then (I swear I'm not making this up!), she DRAGS HER FEET until she's standing in front of me, head hanging low. It's like she's lost her best friend.

Then she gives me this pleading look:




Oh, poor, abused little dog!

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Astanga

What a throughly wretched week! I'm happy it's over. Next week will be approximately half as stressful, then things will begin to drift back to normal. And then it will be December. Poof! Just like that.

I slept until 7 this morning and sat in the window seat for a lazy hour with a mug of hot tea. Then I took a salt bath and headed up to Shala North to do my practice in a room full of warm, breathing fellow humans. I think I was looking for comfort more than anything else, a feeling that I'm not alone in this crazy thing I do every morning with such fierce dedication.

I had a great practice. DR was there (he hasn't been the last few times I've been up), so I received a number of really useful adjustments. I had some help with Marichyasana D. I can reliably bind to wrist in this pose, but it takes some wriggling around to get it. DR showed me how to rotate the shoulder of the wrapping arm and then he took me into the pose much deeper. Nice!

I got the 'calf roping' adjustment in Supta Kurmasana. Once my legs are behind my back, I can usually lift up for the exit on my own, but I flopped out of Bakasana like a dying fish. DR coached me through the jumpback to Chaturanga a few times and I think I have the hang of it now. I can't wait to practice this on my own!

Oh yes, and backbends. I was so warm and bendy this morning, it was a bit disappointing to find Urdhva Dhanurasana so stiff and uncomfortable. In my home practice, I do at least one shoulder opener and one hip opener before I take backbends. Without the prep, I felt very uncomfortable and tight. It was frustrating.

In Urdhva Dhanurasana, DR asked me to press up to my fingertips. The muscular action required to do this feels absolutely foreign to me, like it's a language my body doesn't yet speak. I have a feeling I'm probably strong enough, I just don't know how to co-ordinate my muscles to bring the weight forward into my feet.

DR pointed out that if I was in his room regularly, he could help me learn. True. But to be honest, I'm not in a big hurry to stand up from backbends. I don't see a reason to force it. I'm working on it and I have faith that it will come when my body is ready.

For completely different reasons, I've considered the idea of going up to North for a month - perhaps in December when my teaching schedule slows down. I could do shala practice of Primary in the morning and a second practice with my Intermediate poses at home in the evening. I would love to get some help with my transitions and clean up my Primary a bit more.

After practice, I went out for Indian food with a shala buddy. I'm still eating myself out of house and home these days (and not gaining any weight...weird!). As I came back with a second full plate of food and extra Naan, her eyes widened. "I have to fill my hollow leg", I explained.

It's my Intermediate Series hollow leg! I never ate this much when I just practised Primary! Plus, I ate dessert too!

And I tonight I went out with friends to a smokehouse and had a vegan sandwich with fries, a couple beaver tails and then cancelled out all of my hard-won virtue with a slice of non-vegan cake for dessert. Cake is always my downfall.

Bad lady, but I sure had fun! ;-)

********************
Today is a VERY special day! It's Princess Fur's birthday. She's 8 years old. I took this photo on the first day we met. She was a tiny puppy, just 8 weeks old and I knew immediately that she was THE dog.




She's still THE dog. Happy Birthday, Fur! You're the best home practice buddy ever!









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Astanga

Today was a wonky on-the-cusp Moon Day. Most people seem to be taking the day off, but I didn't see a point, given that I'm no longer at a Shala.

Plus, now that I'm regularly practising some Intermediate, I really love my Primary Fridays and I don't like to miss them. After a week of hard work on the mat, Primary Series feels like a fun, fun reward. This is really amusing, given that full Primary used to be *such* a big deal in my world. Even as recently as a year ago, it felt like a long, very difficult practice. Now, it's the practice I do if I'm feeling under-the-weather or I need a break.

I had a great practice. Every day, I noticed changes and shifts, things that are newly easy. Often, I don't think to note them, but here's an example: Marichyasana C. I can remember a time when coming into this pose felt like constructing Human Origami. Now, I wrap myself into it on one inhalation. It feels like giving myself a hug. I love Marichyasana C!

You know what else I love? The weekend!!! I'm so happy for some downtime. Today, I finished all of my errands and weekly cleaning, plus I cleared up my desk and reorganised the area around my window seat. I spend so much time there, I wanted to make it more user-friendly and welcoming.

Adding a lamp for light, moving my stereo within easy reach so I can listen to music, putting away my overabundance of books and cleaning up the centimetre-thick-layer-of-dust. All small things, but they made such a difference.

In the afternoon, I cleaned up the kitchen, took Princess Fur for her usual walk and when we got home, she resolutely marched into her condo, anticipating my regular evening departure to teach classes. But instead, I pulled out a big bag of toys. She turned herself in circles, she was so excited! The Human! At Home! Playing with the Dog! A Miracle!

We played for about an hour, then she passed out in sheer exhaustion in what can only be described as a 'Toy Coma'.

Behold:




It's gonna be a GREAT weekend :-D

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Astanga

My day: 1 90 minute Primary Series practice in the early morning, 2 workshops during the day (that included a led half-Primary), a fabulous but ill-timed Indian buffet, and a salt bath.

I'm so tired, I can hardly see straight. My brain is full of thoughts about the weekend, but I'll need time to process them.

To sum up: This weekend was precisely what I needed to move forward with my practice. My many questions were answered.

I'm finally clear on the stuff that D & J taught me in the summer. I've been trying to apply these concepts to my practice, but I really had no idea why they were important, except that D told me they were! I was taking it on faith! This deeper understanding will make it easier for me to apply this stuff throughout my practice.

You've all watched me struggle with my longer practice. Now that I've adjusted to it, I feel a bit silly about the whole thing, but it's still difficult. D & J shared some thoughts about why the backbends are important as an addition to the Primary Series. I also got a detailed rundown on nearly all of my Intermediate poses in the workshop this afternoon AND J gave me a little bit of help in Pasasana that I think will be key for me moving forward.

So I finally *get it*. And I'm happy with my practice.

More tomorrow.

I feel like I've been run over by a truck.

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Astanga

I did it! I did it! *happydance* I managed to get through my Primary! And no shortcuts! It wasn't a bad practice, but there wasn't a lot of backbending either. I'm starting to worry that I'll lose all of my hard-earned Backbending Mojo from sitting out my Intermediate during this illness.

I didn't feel sick during my practice, but I did feel a bit weak and I was losing momentum near the end.

I had to teach this morning, but I tried to take it easy the rest of the day. Tonight, I'm still feeling slightly queasy.

I can't believe this bug has lingered on for so long! I'm worried about next week. It's going to be VERY busy and I'll be in workshops the next weekend. I absolutely *need* to be 100% by then.

My exciting plans for tonight involve rest and sleep. Tomorrow, more of the same. Go, Immune System, go! *pompomshake*

Sigh.

********************
Meanwhile, in an amazing feat of intuition, I took a State-of-the-Backbend photo on Monday, *before* The Plague hit.

While it's not the best backbend I've ever done, I'm pretty sure this Urdhva Dhanurasana is miles better than anything I've done over the last few days.

I'll take it:



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Astanga

As soon as I woke this morning I knew I would need to cancel my day classes. I went back to sleep, bringing my grand sleep total to 14 hours. But I got up feeling like I hadn't slept at all.

I've heard horror stories about this stomach bug and I know I'm probably getting the 'lite' version of it. I haven't been violently ill, just run down and very uncomfortable. It's been about two days and I'm nearly over it.

Practice this morning was Primary once again, with lots of breaks. I skipped vinyasa between sides and didn't spend very much time at all in backbends. I practically melted into the finishing poses and Sirsasana felt incredibly, blissfully comforting.

My decision making process for practisting when I'm feeling unwell goes something like this:
- Do I have a temperature?
- Am I feeling dizzy or short of breath?
- Am I in pain, or could practice be physically damaging?

If the answer is 'No' to all of these, I do my practice.

But I *do* take it easy. The Primary Series of Astanga yoga is therapeutic and I find that it's very healing. I felt better after my practice today than I did before I started.

I rested for a few hours in the afternoon, then went on to teach three classes in the evening. I doubt I could have done that if I hadn't gotten on the mat myself.

All the same, I hope I'm feeling better by tomorrow morning because I'm *really* tired of feeling this way. I'm grateful that I don't often get sick!

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Astanga

Well, this is just too awesome. *sarcasm*

I'm sick.

Me, getting sick, is a funny thing because I don't usually believe it's actually happening. I woke up in the wee hours last night writhing in pain and popped two generic pain pills, as if THAT would make everything better.

It didn't, but I got up in the morning to practice anyway. I got all the way through my salt bath, meditation and made it to the mat before I started to clue in to how fabulously awful I felt.

I decided to work my way through the Suryas and standing poses. When I got to the seated, I knew that I would doing a modified Primary Series practice, at best.

I modified a LOT. I didn't do jumps (stepped back and forward instead). I did the Marichyasana twists very gingerly and didn't even bind Mari D. Then I started taking a lot of breaks curled up on my mat. And even THEN, I was still asking myself: "Am I really sick, or am I just dreaming this up?"

The Universe had the foresight to make sure my evening classes were cancelled, so I was able to get some rest. I'm not a happy convalescent, but I managed to lay around and nap for most of the day.

So, what does the Reluctant Ashtangi do when forced into inactivity?

Well, I watch a lot of DVDs for one. A couple of years ago, when I was on bedrest, I burned through three seasons of CSI. I though Gus Grissom was my best friend and spoke of him like we were totally hanging out (which we kind of were).

This time, I have the sixth season of Grey's Anatomy on deck and it's brand new to me since I don't watch television. I love this show because the shark-jumping is abundant and breathtakingly choreographed. I think every single character has almost died or died by now. Or has been impaled with an icecicle. Or hit by a bus.

I've also been watching the polls. These polls:

Did you stand up before or after you started 2nd Series?
Claudia created this poll. I'll admit that I'm totally cheering for "Drop back after 2nd" because I think the whole "Stand before 2nd" requirement is silly (maybe 'Standing up' should be the next poll). But I have to admit, I *did* drop back before I started the Intermediate Series and it appears that most people also fall into that category.

What should Miss Stan blog about?
I voted for gossip, but her super-exciting yoga practice came in a close second for me. I've been checking back all day, to see if the baby is still winning.

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but I had to look up 'remoras' on Wikipedia. I thought that maybe it was a South Indian culinary specialty that I'm not wise to because I haven't been to Mysore yet. But nope, it's a fish. In fact, it's a type of shark, but it sticks itself to things instead of jumping.

(We're full circle again, back to sharks)

In other news, my Fabulous Vegan Muffins have gone viral on Twitter and they're now a Global Phenomenon! I've heard rumours of muffin-sightings in New York and California.

Muffins in Fife, Scotland:




Muffins in Amsterdam:




Apparently, baking muffins in paper cups is a European thing.

I hope I'm feeling better tomorrow, but at least I'm easily entertained.

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Astanga

I practised at Shala North this morning, the late shift so I was there at 9:30. It was nice to be in a hot, hot, steamy room again! The whole place is hot, not just the Mysore room! While chatting with Owl in the changeroom before practice, I had to dig out my wipe rag to mop away the sweat. I was already dewey!

The room was moderately crowded (at North, this means around 20ish people). I found a spot in the middle back row). There lots of space on either side of my mat so I didn’t feel too crowded. I did my full Primary (no Intermediate, because it’s verboten for me in that room) and had a good, focused practice with minimal futzing and no Space Cadet moments!

I wondered how Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana would play out in this different context. It’s been so stable and solid at home, but I was shifting around so an assistant came and rescued me. I was glad for the help. I have a much deeper experience of that pose with some assistance. I probably need to work a little bit harder there when I’m doing it on my own. Noted.

I received a small adjustment in Marichyasana C, with helpful hints for deepening the posture.

For backbending, I just did my ‘thing’. I did my three warm up Urdhva Dhanurasana, then got up to work on my very mediocre dropbacks. Actually, I didn’t overthink them at all, just did them. As I was preparing for the third, it occurred to me that this is the first time I’ve ever dropped back in an actual Mysore room (I wasn’t doing my dropbacks at Shala Central). That’s kind of ironic.

DR wasn’t there (and there was no futon to drop back against), so I skipped the standing-up part and just finished.

I received a fabulous post-backbending Paschimo squish, rare in my world. :-) As always, the assistants at North were terrific. Thanks for your help, guys! :-)

I held Sirsasana for 40 breaths. I *think* that’s about 3 minutes. It certainly felt like it!

My gimpy hamstring felt fine throughout the practice. My hips are feeling particularly tight this week, though. I mostly notice this when I’m *not* practising. My quads are very sore. It was glad to have a one-day holiday from Intermediate to allow some of that to pass.

********************

After practice, I hopped in Owl’s car and we drove a few blocks south to feed at my favourite Indian buffet. Delicious!

It goes without saying: Owl has a lovely practice (glimpsing her beautiful vinyasas has inspired me to get back to work on those lift-ups, now that the tweaky shoulder is feeling better).

But you should see this woman DRIVE! Holy!!!!

She developed her madskillz-behind-the-wheel in Los Angeles and she *owns* the road. She’s so decisive, all the drivers around her look tentative by comparison! I’m not accustomed to seeing someone new to my city navigate it so confidently.

As she whipped the car in a quick uey to grab a parking spot, I could almost see the thought bubble floating around the driver in front of us: “WHOA! I’m not messing with HER!”

On a more serious note, we had a lovely visit - it really made my week! It’s always fun to sit around and geek out over Astanga with someone who is so passionate about the practice. I enjoyed our conversation so much and I’m feeling all optimistic and inspired about my Intermediate again. Owl has that effect on people. Hang out with her for a few hours and suddenly you’re all “Astanga is AWESOME!”.

This was *exactly* what I needed to feel connected to the community and confident about the direction of my practice. Thanks, Owl!

I’m hopeful we’ll see a lot more of her up in these parts, now that she’s only five hours away by car (that’s probably 7 hours for the rest of us; Owl levitates in an automobile!).

Astanga

I have a confession: I’ve been to Montreal only once and it was for business. I travelled by train, stayed in a hotel and didn’t really get out much. I’ve never driven there.

As we hit the road yesterday, I didn’t have a route planned or any idea of how to get there, short of heading north-ish on the major highway. I figured I would just wing it.

This strategy mostly worked, but I *completely* underestimated how long the drive would take and the difficulty I would have in navigating a strange city late at night. I’m good at cities, but Montreal is confusing!

We encountered many, many detours driving into the downtown core. We were lost so many times I stopped counting. At one critical juncture, I pulled into a parking lot while my poor mother rolled her eyes in frustration.

“Do you have a plan?”

“Yes! I’m going to ask these guys over here for directions!”

“Who?!”

I had serendipitously parked right next to a couple Montreal police officers enjoying their late night coffee break!

As I meandered through the empty downtown streets, I think my mother was ready to strangle me. When I was younger, this scene might have deteriorated into a screaming match. But 15 years of yoga practice mellowed me out. I just smiled a lot and carried on, remained cheerful and positive, and reassured her that I did, in fact, know where I was going (I didn’t!).

Through some miracle (Thank you, Ganesha!) I found my way to the hotel. And I even managed to get five hours of sleep - an achievement, given that I wasn’t sure we would even make it into Montreal at all.

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At 7:30 this morning, I was salt-bathed, dressed and walking down the street to Sattva Shala for practice with Darby and Joanne.

There are two categories of professional recognition for Astanga teachers (granted by KPJAYI, the yoga institute founded by Guruji in Mysore): Authorization is the first level. The highest level is Certification and fewer than 40 people carry it world-wide. The Darbys are the only certified teachers in Canada. I was pretty excited to have an opportunity to practice at their Shala and have new eyes on my practice. I’ve long wanted to visit here.

I first met Darby at a yoga conference a couple years ago. I really enjoyed his energy. He’s warm, humble and has an encyclopaedic knowledge of the practice. I was fairly new to Astanga at the time (and a bit intimidated to be talking to the guy who was on my favourite DVD). His approach to teaching Astanga and obvious reverence for it was one of the things that started to ‘win me over’ to Astanga. My attitude towards the practice started to ‘shift’ after that. I left the conference thinking that someday, I would like to visit their Shala.

When I arrived this morning, both teachers were finishing their practice. I stood quietly on the threshold of the room for a moment, then unrolled my mat in an empty spot near the windows. It felt a bit weird to just walk into a new room and GO, but that’s exactly what I did.

I was through the first few standing poses when Darby arrived at my mat. He asked me where I was from and where I practised. I told him I practised at Shala Central, but also home practice.

He gave me a very focused adjustment in Parsvakonasana. He modified the position of my head/neck and encouraged me to push and lengthen through the extended arm (he asked me to push my hand against him and push through the back foot).

This theme carried over into other poses but especially Urdhva Mukha Svanasana. Instead of arching my head back, he asked me to lengthen the neck from the shoulders to the ears then lift the upper-chest forward and up.

Because I was already into my practice the first time he came around, I wasn’t sure what the protocol was for announcing injuries. He walked over as I was starting seated, so I paused to I let him know that I had a two-month-old hamstring injury. He tutted me a bit and said I should have mentioned it sooner. I realised he noticed my modification in Parvottanasana, because he asked me to stand up and repeat that pose. He worked with me on a strategy to get the leg straight with full extension of the torso over the leg without triggering cramping around the site of the injury. It worked!

Darby’s adjustments are light and subtle, but they pack a punch! I had more than one ‘light bulb’ moment as he worked with me. I found myself cross-applying concepts from one set of poses to another and feeling my body respond to the small changes I was making in alignment and direction of muscular energy. I was working so deeply, with intense concentration, that my practice slowed down quite a bit, and I was sweating more than usual.

Darby mostly observed. I didn’t get many of the ‘typical’ adjustments. He brought my hands to the floor in Prasarita C (and corrected my shoulder alignment - the same thing DR is always on me about, but I’ve fallen into bad habits). I was on my own for most of Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana, but Darby swung by near the end and gave some very specific cues for the alignment and action of the extended leg. It made the the pose MUCH harder because I was working harder! He crossed my legs over my back in Supta Kurmasana. I haven’t had this particular adjustment since my last visit to Shala North. I *love* it. I savoured every breath of that hold!

Joanne helped me with Setu Bandhasana, encouraging me to come into the pose with straighter legs. I followed her cues as I repeated the pose and it was deepest I’ve ever managed on my own.

When it was time for backbending, I felt stumped. I didn’t know what to do, so I just reverted back to my old Shala routine: six Urdhva Dhanurasana and three rounds of rocking. Joanne came over to work with me in Urdhva Dhanurasana, encouraging me to push up through the hips. Very light adjustment, but it helped me direct the energy of the movement upward and felt amazing. Darby observed my backbending for a few minutes and then asked me to do something very simple in Urdhva Dhanurasana: lift the balls of the feet up while pressing down into the heels. It felt impossible, but when I did it, I felt the legs engage very evenly. So simple!

I did a few rounds of rocking, but didn’t drop back. Darby had told me very matter-of-factly that he doesn’t allow his students to drop back or stand up until they’ve mastered Kapotasana (he asked me earlier if I was being held back from Second Series because I wasn’t standing up. I confirmed this but admitted I sometimes do some Intermediate in my home practice). I think the Darbys use Supta K, along with mastery of the Primary Series, as the ‘gatekeeper’ for Second Series. I understand this is common practice with some of the certified teachers who studied with Guruji in the early years.

I don’t want to get into the politics of this - I’m just providing some context for what happened next.

I did my finishing, took rest. I thanked Darby as I was leaving the room, and let him know that I would be at his Shala for one more day. He closed the door as I left, but opened it up again and said: “Tomorrow, add on the Intermediate poses and I'll tell you when to stop."

I nodded, but the import of this didn’t fully sink in until I was halfway up the stairs to the change room.

Am I being given Intermediate?

I guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

Astanga

My hard-partying mother kept me out last night until almost midnight so the 5:30 wakeup call was particular brutal, but I got up and did my practice. I’m so glad I did! I had an absolutely *fantastic* practice. Everything just flowed. My practice had a ‘Primary Express’ feel to it, but I was working hard and didn’t feel like I was just breezing through the poses.

It was one of those rare mornings when everything just came together and it felt like a 90 minute flowing meditation. I really, really needed that.

I’m still tweaking the heat level in my practice room. Today was absolutely perfect - just enough that I was sweating, but not so much that I was drenched.

Since I managed to get on the mat 10 minutes earlier than usual, I had extra some time for backbending. I did a few deep lunges, quad stretches and a shoulder opener before I started. I know these preparations are not kosher in a traditional shala, but they made *such* a difference. I could feel it in the very first Urdhva Dhanurasana - it was comfortable and I was able to easily hold it for 5 breaths.

Today, I spent a lot of time in Urdhva Dhanurasana pushing the hips forward and trying to push the pelvic heads up while walking my hands in. I also did this while rocking. Instead of worrying about whether my hands were lifting off the floor, I just focused on moving my hips forward instead, trying to keep my legs straighter and the heels down. My goal was to feel a stretch across my pelvis. I had mixed success but in one round of rocking I actually felt my hands start to lift, which makes me hopeful that eventually I’ll get that part back, while maintaining the upward lift of the hips.

I’m spending a good part of today sitting in a car, driving to Montreal. I’m pretty sure this is *not* going to help my hips open, but I’ll work on the lunges when I get the chance. Tomorrow, I’ll be back in a Shala for a couple of days, practisting with Canada’s only certified Astanga teachers. They’ve been doing this practice for 35 years. I’m pretty excited and grateful that I have this opportunity.

I think I’ll like being an Astanga tourist! If any of my readers practice at this Montreal Shala, please say hello! I would love meet you.

Astanga

I’m back to my regular schedule for practice, at least for a few days. I was on the mat at 6:30 a.m. this morning, candles lit, incense burning and it was hot, hot, hot! I was already sweating after just a few sun salutations. I turned the heat down a bit, but didn’t open a window until finishing.

I had a pretty good practice, but I was a bit distracted this morning. It took effort and frequent reminders to keep myself on track. This is one of the things I love about Astanga vinyasa yoga. It’s very clear when my attention starts to stray. I’m following my breath, so if I lose track of the count, I’m not paying attention! Simple. There’s no option to ‘check out’ because I’m always engaged in the practice.

Well, I’m supposed to be, anyway! I have a feeling that rubbing Princess Fur’s belly is *not* part of the Primary Series! ;-)

I worked on the exit from Bhujapidasana today. The pose itself is good and I’m starting to consistently lower my chin to the floor and lift back up without touching my toes down. But I can’t find a solid Bakasana for the exit. My legs are always too far down my arms (or they slide that direction). I tried it three times and gave up, moved on.

Kurmasana is coming back! My knees are still a bit bent, but I can bring my forehead to the floor comfortably! This is a big deal because that’s the pose that caused my injury - my hamstring is always most tender in it.

My injured hamstring has been feeling so much better lately! Any lingering discomfort seems to be due to the left leg being less flexible than the right. This has always been the case, but everything tightened up with the injury so I’m slowly stretching it out again. I’m able to catch my wrist again in most of the asymmetrical forward bends and my forehead touches the knee again in Marichyasana A. During my post-backbend Paschimottanasana today, I was able to come into a full forward fold, face to shins and take my wrist.

I’m *finally* squish-able again, but there’s nobody around to squish me. Pity!

I had plenty of time today, so I worked on backbending for almost 25 minutes, bringing my practice up to 2 hours.

I started with Urdhva Dhanurasana from the floor, three warm up backbends in a row (bringing my head to the floor for a breath in between), then I did a bunch of single backbends, walking my hands in as far as I could and holding for five breaths. My goal was to walk my hands further each time. I was on backbend #6 when I shifted my Driste and I dimly saw something on my mat. It was white and roundish. When I startled, it moved! EEK!

It was my heel!!

I fell out of the backbend and laughed so hard my eyes were all teary. In that moment, I was SO glad not to be at the Shala because I felt free to giggle and just enjoy the moment. It was the best laugh I’ve had in months! When my hilarity finally subsided, I thought, “That was SO cool! I wanna do it again!”

And I did! A few times, in fact, and I took a photo because I was genuinely curious how close my hands had to be to make this miracle happen. This is what my backbend looks like when I finally glimpse my heels:

Not as deep as I imagined it would look. I’ve probably hit the feet-viewing mark before, but wasn’t paying enough attention.

I know what you’re thinking. I was thinking about it too! Many people have told me that if I can see my feet, I can stand up! I *did* try to stand from this deeper-than-usual backbend, but I wasn’t even close. The problem is, it’s so tight, I feel like my body is made of concrete. My breath felt restricted and it was hard to move, let alone rock. I’m hoping that as my body adjusts to this deeper backbend, I’ll find more softness in it.

I had much better luck rocking after my dropbacks. I’m trying not to worry as much about standing up this week and just get into a steady, even breathing pattern. I’m trying to make my inhalations as long as my exhalations, then extend both. I do this while rocking up to my fingertips. I read something on Facebook about ‘digging in the heels’ to stand up. I tried, and failed, to visualize this as I rocked.

I only did three dropbacks. The first was a bit rough, the second felt deeper but I had a hard time dropping back because I kept popping back up every time I pushed my hips forward. The third was the best: I was able to hang way back, hands in prayer position and linger there for a micropause, then gently plop my hands to the mat.

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It’s Monday, and time for some Vintage Yoga fun!

Here’s Audrey. As you can see, she’s still looking around for that contact lens she lost a few weeks ago.

Hm...maybe it’s under the sofa.

Astanga

I think that mean security guard from yesterday sent me some bad voo doo because it’s been raining on me all day!

I arrived at DR’s morning workshop 10 minutes late and dripping like a drowned rat because it was literally *pouring* as I biked to the Festival. I had to stop a few times because it was coming down so hard!

The rain stopped for a while, but as soon as I hopped on my bike to ride home the skies opened up again.

Each time I rode somewhere to teach, the showers started. As soon as I arrived at my destination, they stopped. Four sets of clothes are drying over the bathtub and I’m just grateful to be inside. But, of course, it’s perfectly lovely out now! Blue skies! *eyeroll*

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I used my new radiator for practice this morning and I love it! I just need to find a way to put it on a timer so it can heat up before I wake up. It’s quite small, but perfectly adequate for bringing the temperature of the room up to shala levels. And it’s so quiet! It just sits there being warm without making a sound.

It would be *perfect* if it also gave adjustments but I can’t have everything, can I? ;-)

I had a nice practice. I started to feel tired and distracted during the Marichyasanas, but this often happens on mornings when I haven’t done the full Primary Series the day before; I lose my momentum a little bit. When this happened at the Shala I would just keep breathing and move through it. At home, it’s definitely easier to pause and seek out a distraction (and there are so many to choose from, starting with Princess Fur).

This morning, I chose not to not allow my attention to wander, but I was very aware that it was a choice. I guess it always is, but in the Shala, I know teachers are watching so there’s an external motivation to maintain concentration. At home, I have to rely on myself.

Backbends were okay, not great. I did my three dropbacks but I didn’t spend a lot of time rocking because I was pressed for time. Even though the dropbacks were not fabulous, they were not scary or difficult either, which is amazing in itself! Each time I drop back, I’m still in awe that I can do it. On the days that I find joy in it, I’m astonished that I so thoroughly enjoy something that used to frighten me and bring tears.

Even if I don’t stand up from a backbend this summer, I’m happy and grateful that I learned to drop back. This process has been such a great learning experience. It’s given me confidence in my ability to guide my own practice and to motivate myself.

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Fivefootwo asked about altars the other day on her blog and I responded in her comments with some thoughts about my own altar. I promised her I would post some photos here.

An altar is such a personal, special thing. The last time I wrote about this topic (on an old blog) a shitstorm erupted in my comments section. So I feel a need to say this: there’s no right or wrong or good or bad when it comes to an altar. There are many different spiritual paths out there. They’re all valid and they all lead more-or-less to the same place. Whatever ‘party favours’ you choose to bring (or not bring) to your own ‘spiritual fete’ are absolutely fine.

This is what resonates with me. Meet Buddha and my Spiritual Posse!

The Posse includes Hanuman, Shiva, Ganesha, and Durga.

Guruji is there, of course. He hangs with the Posse and they all share a candle in the morning.

The tapestry covering the altar is from Pondicherry, a gift from a sweet friend. The Tibetan singing bowl was also a gift. The small wooden box is Hawaiian Koa Wood. It was given to me by a woman who was like a mother to me when I was young. She’s gone now, but her spirit lives with me always.

I’ve filled my Koa box with small, symbolic reminders of significant people and events of my life. Until I came to this city, my life was very scattered because I moved around so much. This box has helped me gather the bits of my life together. Sometimes, when a close friend visits, I let them choose an item from the box and I tell the story of it.

I have two Malas: The everyday Tibetan rosewood one I wear on my left wrist and a special Tiger’s Eye Mala which I only use when I’m sitting for meditation. I keep my special Mala on the altar with the Buddha. There is also a small collection of gemstones (Boodi spurred my interest in these a couple months ago).

The little prayer flags are a gift from a longtime student - they come from Nepal. One of my sisters gave me the little plaque on the left when I was 10 - it pictures a sailboat at sunset and has a quote from one of my favourite Richard Bach books, ‘Illusions’.

An original mixed-media piece by artist Monica Aebischer hangs further up the wall, outside of the photo. I fell in love with this piece while working at a gallery during my YTT year and I saved for months to buy it. It depicts a faceless person in meditation, gently holding a golden bowl in cupped hands.

In the morning, as I’m practisting, this is what I see:

Astanga

When the alarm went off this morning, I lay in the darkness thinking groggily: "Shala." Then I woke completely, remembered, and corrected myself: "Sweep floor!" I also put all the blinds down, which helps keep the room a bit warmer.

It worked - I was sweating buckets this morning. It was great! I had a really nice practice: strong, focused and *fun*.

The wrist bind in Mari D is easy again. Looks like it's sticking around for the time being. Yay!

Supta Kurmasana was really deep. After I exited, it occurred to me that in home practice, I'm free to come into that pose however I like! I could try the Dwi Pada Sirsasana thing, prop myself against the bookshelf to keep my balance as I get the second leg behind and hook the ankles. Hmm...

I could try it tomorrow! I'm feeling so energized and excited about my practice again. I see all these possibilities and I'm suddenly brainstorming ways I could develop specific skills in my practice.

I did Bhujapidasana twice because I wasn't entirely happy with the exit. This part of my Primary really needs some work, so I may start repeating it regularly. It's a good strength builder and it's always better on the second go.

The lotus jumpback is one of my new favourite things right now. I'm still doing the cheaty 'Mayurasana thing' with my arms, but I'm really lifting the lotus! And I can hold it up for a micropause before I shoot my legs back too. Love it!

Dropbacks were a bit shaky this morning, but I kept trying and trying and finally got through them. No luck standing up. I'm still trying to deepen my inhalation on the rocks forward.

I still need a deeper backbend and I've been thinking about hangbacks. I could do them before the dropbacks. I could try this for a few days and see if I notice a difference. I like hangbacks because I enjoy the intense stretch in my hips. They just feel good (that's reason enough to do them!).

Oh, and I'm back to doing jumpbacks/jumpthroughs after an almost-two-week hiatus to rest my right shoulder. I wasn't going all-out, but doing them gently and it felt fine.

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