Tiny things that are VERY SAD

*throatclearing*

Well, hello there!

Yes, I'm still here, barely enduring the Cold and Ugly Season in the Great White North. To be honest, I haven't felt very inspired to write lately. It's probably due to a combination of seaonal ennui, boring practices and, oh yes, 'blogosphere controversy'. Last week, everyone was abuzz with a certain certified teacher and her (un)reality show.

I'm almost embarrassed to 'fess up to my reaction to that entire debacle, but here it is: I sat in my window seat and wept. There are a few different ways to interpret this behaviour:
~I'm a bit depressed
~I'm overly attached to the practice and my own idealistic conception of it

or (and this is my favourite!)

~teensy-weensie-tiny-yoga short are just VERY SAD.

*sniffle*

Take your pick. ;-) Moving on...

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I have been practising! Here's a rundown of the past...wow, has it really been a week? Yes it has.

Wednesday: I attended Peanut's Bikram's class. I wasn't feeling particularly energetic, so I was kind of 'going through the motions'. I don't imagine for a minute that Peanut doesn't notice stuff like that. And halfway through the class, he made a little speech about how it's possible to 'do the poses without *really* doing the poses'. It wasn't aimed at me specifically, I'm sure, but I got the message all the same: "If you can, you must!"

Thursday: In a nod to the Moon Day, I did my Primary-only practice. It was okay.

Friday: Moon Day. I didn't practice at all. I think this may be the first Moon Day in about two years that I've not done any yoga. I'm beginning to like this whole 'taking days off thing'. :-D

Saturday: I practised Primary and my Intermediate. I had an ordinary, but good practice.

Sunday: Day off! I didn't even take time to stretch my hamstrings (and boy, did I ever feel it on Monday!)

Monday: I attended Almond's Bikram's class in the morning. I really enjoy Almond's classes and I've missed going to them, so this was a treat. I like the way he cruises through the dialogue. His efficiency in teaching is one of the things that helped me break out of the 'futzing habit', both in Bikrams and my Astanga practice.

Tuesday (that's today!): Back to Astanga, I practised Primary and my Intermediate poses. My left hamstring was a bit sensitive, but I had a good, futz-free practice.

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In general, I'm feeling better about my practices these days and Astanga is starting to feel like a place of comfort and healing again.

For the past month, I've been practising Astanga four times a week and Bikram's two, adding up to a six-day week in combination. Starting this week, I've decided to add on an Astanga practice on Friday to bring my Astanga week up to five days (continuing to practice Bikrams one day per week).

I'm also working towards a more consistent Astanga practice with fewer breaks. Toward this end, I'm going to try to go to my weekly Bikram class on Monday, so I can practice Astanga 5 days in a row.

And here's some good news: My shoulder is healing!

Evelyn asked if I was icing the shoulder. I do own one of those fancy-schmancy velcro ice/compression packs but to be perfectly honest, I haven't been very diligent about using it. It's so cold here, the last thing I feel like doing is curling up in the window seat with an icy ice pack resting on my shoulder. But all of my non-ice-related activity/inactivity seems to be working for me.

Last week, I upgraded my Granny Vinyasas to include the transition from Upward Dog to Downward Dog. This was a big trigger point for pain when I first injured my shoulder, but there's no pain as I move through it now!

Also: I grabbed my wrist on the right side of Marichyasana C today and I'm binding to fingers in Marichyasana D (and close to getting the wrist on the left side).

And the biggest news of all: I'm doing three Urdhva Dhanurasana in my daily practice. Even better, today I walked my hands in! I walked in once in the second backbend and twice in the third. This is HUGE!

I'm pretty excited, because this means that I can begin to work towards regaining flexibility in these backbends. My shoulder was mostly pain free (there was a bit of sensation pushing up). I was able to straighten my arms and my breathing was smooth and consistent.

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Finally, here's a random photograph of manhole cover on a subway platform.


Wow. I feel SO much better now!

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Yoga Dog of Big City Canada

Once again, not a bad practice this morning. It appears that my dread and anticipation of getting on the mat is far more traumatic than the act itself. Silly brain! *eyeroll*

I'm continuing to work on my Intermediate poses, with modifications for my shoulder injury. Here's the rundown:

Pasasana: I can bind on the left side, but not the right (I'm limited in the same way in Marichyasana). I've been 'doing my best' on the bad side, which means working within the limitations of the injury.

Krounchasana: The left side of this pose is the last hold-out for my gimpy hamstring - it hurts. I'm able to come into the pose with care, but it's not deep. The right side is fine, though, full expression.

Shalabasana: Terrific and easy! Thank you, Mr. Choudhury :-)

Bhekasana: It's out of the question right now. That particular rotation of the shoulder triggers the pain of my injury precisely. Even doing one side at a time is painful. Instead, I'm doing Supta Virasana to stretch out my quads.

Dhanurasana: This is another pose that has benefited from Mr. Choudhury's yoga regime. Parva Dhanurasana aggravates the injury, though (I re-injured my shoulder about a month ago rolling over to the right) so I'm not re-adding it until I'm fully recovered.

Ustrasana: Pure joy! I can clearly remember a time when I hated this pose, but now it's a high point. My favourite part is the hang back, when I can feel my legs working.

Laghu Vajrasana: I'm making steady progress. I lost some ground during the early days of the injury, but I'm getting stronger now. Good thing I'm having fun with this one, because I'm stuck here for the foreseeable future.

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I gave the Princess her Spring Fur Makeover on the weekend. The weather is warming up, so I felt a bit more confident cutting off 3 inches of hair from her body. It was a bit like shearing a sheep!


Do I detect an accusing stare?

The new haircut is in preparation for Princess Fur's exciting new project! She will soon begin filming the pilot episode of her new reality television series: "Yoga Dog of Big City Canada".

*throatclearing*

'Yoga Dog of Big City Canada' takes us inside the daily routines and dramas of Princess Fur, a miniature schnauzer with a passion for walkies, frequent naps and Greenies. A cold, drab, Canadian city forms a glamourous backdrop for the day-to-day adventures of our dynamic canine and her grumpy human companion, the Reluctant Ashtangi.

Follow Princess Fur's journey of self-discovery as she sleeps through the Primary Series, walks on the Ashtangi's Manduka mat without permission and begs for breakfast while her human companion is trying to 'take rest'.

This show will TRANSFORM LIVES, people!

No doubt her wardrobe will need to include eensie-weensie-tiny yoga shorts. Do they make these for dogs?

Stay tuned!

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Return of the Orb

As I was coming into the second side of Uttita Trikonasana this morning, my eyes were suddenly filled with a bright, intense light. A flash of heat hit my face and I squinted in the sudden glare.

Hail! What is this bright orb in the sky, sending beams through my window?

It is the SUN! I feel like I haven't seen the sun in weeks. In fact, since the "snowstorm" last week, it's been snowing almost continually and the skies have been dark.

There are things I absolutely love about these chilly winter days: curling up with a good book, knitting, drinking hot hot tea, walking around my neighbourhood as snowflakes lightly drift around me.

But the gray? I can do without that. So I'm happy to see the return of the orb. I'm not sure, but I think its absence could explain the tiny bit of a funk I've been fighting over the past couple of weeks. I take my Vitamin D regularly, I use the LightBook daily, but there's no substitute for the orb! :-D

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I did my full Astanga practice both yesterday and today. I think this is the first time since December that I've practised Astanga on two consecutive days.

It was fine, though I was just a *bit* futzy today. God help me if I stop at any point in my practice. It's like stepping off a train. It moves on without me and then I have to run like crazy to catch it!

Taking the day off on Sunday was eye-opening, especially the 'after effects'. I did do some restorative/hatha yoga on that day, but only for about a half-hour. I didn't teach. And when I stepped on the mat on Monday, my gimpy hamstring was SCREAMING at me.

Though I don't demo a lot in my classes, I almost always do the first few steps of the sun salutations with my students, which includes those forward bends. I believe that's what was missing and I *really* felt it.

I felt better today - everything, including my left hamstring, was more open. Best of all, my shoulder is feeling better every day! Whatever I'm doing (or not doing) is working for me so I'm going to continuing doing (or not doing) it.


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Astanga

I feel like I'm developing an intimate relationship with the garbage dumpster.

I've probably thrown away six bags of garbage/recycling and I've been up and down the elevator all weekend, carrying stuff down to the loading dock.

I placed a box full of items in the back hallway for my neighbours to pick through. It astounds me what people will pick up if it's free. Plastic travel mugs! Blank books! Gone! A jar of honey?! Yes, even a jar of honey! Everything disappeared within an hour. Old binders! A tea strainer! An old plastic spatula? Yup! A worn out skillet? Absolutely! Mind boggling.

The notes and papers from my YTT required two bags, two HEAVY bags, to recycle. I couldn't believe the huge space this created on my bookshelf. I kept some things - pop quizzes, my final exam and essay, chant worksheets and sentimental stuff. When I was finished, the keeper pile fit in a small file folder. Three giant binders were reduced to less than a centimetre. All these years, I've never even looked at this stuff...

I stumbled across the notes I took during my first year of teaching. I used to document every. single. class. Reading these critiques of myself and my fledgling teaching experiences was entertaining. It's a bit like finding the diary you kept when you were 16 years old. CRINGE! And then: RECYCLE!!! No, I didn't keep them. I'd prefer to forget my first year of teaching, thankyouverymuch.

The one thing I wanted to keep was a series of articles by Thomas Myers (Anatomy Trains) that were absolutely fantastic. I'm looking forward to rereading them. Of all the fluff I was forced to read for my anatomy module, those stayed with me.

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Practice today was a typical Sunday practice, with one notable exception: I was able to move past that 'sticky hamstring feeling' and find true openness in my forward bends. Friday's experiment wasn't just a fluke. I was reveling in it! The one pose that still gives me problems is Krounchasana. When that one gets easier, I'll be relieved.

This was probably the futziest (is that even a word?!) practice I've had in ages. At one point, I was camped out on my mat, laying on my belly, propped up on my elbows, carefully studying my fingernails and trying to talk myself into doing my Intermediate poses.

Then I was reading Twitter when I should have been doing Urdhva Dhanruasana. I admitted as much in a tweet, appending it with the #badlady 'hashtag'. Ha, ha! But with all of my futzing, I still finished in 1 hour, 45 minutes.

When I woke up this morning, the sky looked like this:




This is reason enough to wake at 5:30 a.m., non?

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Astanga

It's as if the Astanga Gods heard my whimpers of despair this week and delivered this morning's practice as a reward: I had a fantastic full Primary! I always love Primary Fridays, but this was a particularly yummy one!

I think I may have answered my own question regarding the hamstring. This morning, as I pushed through the sensation - with care and attention - I felt a shift. After a few minutes of this, things started to open up and lengthen. It felt AMAZING!

Kurmasana is the pose that tore my hamstring. A commenter asked where I was feeling discomfort prior to the injury. It was right around the attachment to the left sit bone. One day, I was lifting my heels in Kurmasana (something I had been doing for months) when I felt a sharp pain around my left sit bone. I knew immediately that it was bad, and it was.

As the injury healed, I continued with my daily practice, making all of these hilarious modifications to the Primary Series to accommodate my gimpy hamstring. Lots of bent legs! It seems silly now, but I often wondered if I would *ever* be able to do Kurmasana again. It felt so impossible! The pose used to be one of my favourites and over the summer, I watched with a bit of envy as shala-mates came into it.

Earlier in the week, I was experimenting with Kurmasana, engaging my legs and nearly coming into the full expression of the pose, chest close to the floor, and then strongly engaging my legs...as if my heels might lift (but not lifting my heels).

Today, I did this for five breath cycles and continued for another five. My chest was on the floor, I was feeling really comfortable in the pose and there was no sensation at all around my left sit bone. So I tentatively lifted my heels:



WEEEEEEE!!!! :-D

I know I'm not out of the woods yet. There will inevitably be days when I'm stiff and uncomfortable, but I think the worst is over. Lifting my heels in Kurmasana felt like the final test, and I've passed! I'm now learning where my limits are with this healing injury and how to move past them with care.

This has been SUCH a learning experience!

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Every morning, Princess Fur gets her fur combed out. If I don't do this, she turns into the schnauzer version of Bob Marley with fantastic dreads.

When I call her over, she hesitates, then finally heaves herself out of the basket and then (I swear I'm not making this up!), she DRAGS HER FEET until she's standing in front of me, head hanging low. It's like she's lost her best friend.

Then she gives me this pleading look:




Oh, poor, abused little dog!

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Astanga

Okay, let's swap it up: Great day, lousy practice. I was up at 4:30, on the mat by 5:30, had plenty of sleep. My practice felt interminable.

I don't what the problem was, but I felt stiff and HEAVY. Halfway through, I stopped doing jump back/throughs allegedly because my right shoulder was feeling tweaky, but it's entirely possible I was just being lazy.

Also: The gimpy hamstring is talking to me again. During my shala visit last week, it was feeling pretty good, but it's stiffened up again. This morning, my mobility was limited on the left side and I felt overwhelming sensation in the area every time I came into a forward fold.

So, what do you think, Cybershala? Do I push through this (the injury is now about four months old) or do I back off? I think it's hilariously funny that my hamstring is always on it's best behaviour when there's a Mysore teacher in the vicinity. Kind of like that quirky banging in a car engine that ONLY happens when you're NOT at the mechanic.

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Astanga

Seems I woke up at a stupidly early hour this morning for no good reason.

It's poor manners to waste another person's time because you cannot manage to be organised. Particularly when said person started *her* day at 4:30 a.m. in order to accommodate *your* schedule.

Basic Ahimsa. Or maybe Asteya. Or good old fashioned common sense.

Hrmpf! End rant.

All of which leads me to this moment in time: Sitting in a coffee shop in a part of the city I rarely frequent, yawning as I drink my green tea and killing some time before my next class. Trying to make the best of it, but annoyed all the same.

Practice was good this morning! I was on the mat by about 5:30 a.m. and wrapped up around 7:15. I skimped on backbends today to save time, did only three Urdhva Dhanurasana.

I've been thinking a lot about Supta Kurmasana lately. I feel like this pose is stagnating. I suppose I expected that I might be binding to wrist by now - my shoulders are certainly open enough. I find that this pose comes along more slowly when you're not getting regular shala help.

I think I need more opening in my hips. That would be a good project, and a good preparation for the LBH poses later on in the series too! If anyone knows any 'research poses' in that genre, I'm keen to hear about them.

One of the top search terms for the blog these days is "pulled hamstring ashtanga" (the other one, amusingly, is "jivamukti balm"...seriously, what the heck?!!).

My gimpy hamstring has finally mended and I have full flexibility back in most forward folds. The one exception is Krounchasana, but I didn't have that pose prior to the tear. When he gave me the pose, D offered very specific direction to avoid re-injury. I can come into the left side of Krounchasana without a lot of depth, but minimal discomfort.

I'm surprised by how much sensation I still feel in the area of the tear. It's not pain, more like a tugging. This injury still limits me. I wonder how much longer it will affect my practice? Should I be concerned?

It's been over four months since the injury. I think it may have been a more serious injury than I initially thought.