I’ve been sitting here for 15 minutes chewing on my bottom lip and poking at a random bruise on my knee. And I still don’t know what to write.
When I got home from practice this morning, I unrolled a mat and did a few Urdhva Dhanurasana on my own, did some rocking too and I could *feel* how far away I am from standing up on my own. I’m not even close. I’m miles away. I’m not ready.
I’m afraid that I’m going to hurt myself, or hurt one of my teachers trying to stand up. P said as much this morning, after lecturing me about not working hard enough to come up. He refused to assist me a third time, explaining that he has to protect his own practice and his back. To be honest, I was relieved because I agree with him so completely.
Somebody needs to send me back to Urdhva Dhanurasana Kindergarten.
I feel so defeated. I was laying on the floor when Princess Fur came in from her sunbath. She wrapped one furry foreleg over me, then laid her head across my chest. I wasn’t even crying or anything.
I just feel numb.