I was feeling disoriented and out-of-sorts this morning. I got up, swept the floors, checked email and paced the apartment. Finally, I decided to walk the dog as an alternative to going stir-crazy. As I walked through my neighbourhood, I carefully examined my ennui. When the answer came, I was surprised.
I was feeling lonely.
You see, I'm quite at ease being by myself. In fact, most of the time I prefer it. After years of living alone, I've adjusted to solitude and I usually require a certain amount of alone-time. I thought my recent trip would have had me 'peopled out' and it sort of did. But I also grew accustomed to being around people constantly and I enjoyed the companionship. The silence of my apartment was unnerving and I didn't know what to do with myself.
It was good to have a diagnosis!
And here is the cure: I put my laptop in my knapsack, along with books. I headed down to my favourite café, where I knew I would find a few friendly faces and a casual conversation or two. I did some writing while I was there, indulged in my favourite Banana Pancakes and felt the buzz of humanity around me for a couple of hours. Then I was happy to come home and sit quietly on the balcony and finish the balance of my work.
It was a beautiful day - sunny, but not too hot, with a clear blue sky. Really perfect weather. I walked up to the Big Park in the afternoon and did my yoga practice. It's been a while since I practised in the big park - they finally mowed the grass and it's all over the place (the city leaves the clippings). I found my allergies acting up as a result.
This was my first true full Primary Series in almost a week. I practised with Sharath's recording and tried absolutely everything. It was nice to welcome my rolly-polly poses back (grass is softer than rock). And the inversions (I particularly revelled in my return to headstand). I had a good practice, but it wasn't my most breath-aware one. I've somehow fallen out of the habit of Ujjayi breathing over the past week. I started to find my rhythm again in the closing sequence.
2 comments:
I like to be alone too, but with a 5 year old it gets difficult. I wonder what would I do if I lost my husband. How would I ever meet people? Hopefully I won't have to find out.
You're confident and you have a strong sense of self (plus a great network of friends and family). I think you would handle anything that life threw your way.
More alone time will come your way as your little one gets older.
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