Astanga

Nothing exciting or interesting to report today.

No teachers today - the assistant was there. I got the standard Uttita Hasta adjustment and rolled through the rest of the series on my own.

Backbending was okay, not great. Since I had the time and no one was watching, I explored Urdhva Dhanurasana a bit more than usual. The first backbend always sucks, but the others were starting to feel kind of good!

Mostly, I was shifting my weight around, first moving the weight into the hands and keeping the arms *really* straight to stretch the shoulders, then shifting the weight back into my feet to get an idea of what that feels like (trying to imagine doing it while rocking; my pesky heels are *still* lifting). In the second backbend, I focused entirely on tucking my tailbone (keeping my glutes soft to protect my low back), trying to lengthen the back body and stretch forward/up through the hips.

Final backbend, I started shifting my weight forward again and pushing my hands towards the back of the mat to lift the hips up and straighten the legs more. Then I walked in, Pingu Arms. Repeat.

Ug, that’s hard. My whole body rebels when I do that. I have to ignore the alarms to keep going.

I did three rounds of rocking. The first one was terrible. The second, I was able to come up on my fingertips and hang out there for a microsecond. For my third round of rocking, I tried to do the same thing, but with straighter legs while moving my hips forward more than my knees. That one didn’t go as well, but at least I tried!

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I didn’t do my second practice in the morning. I was too busy sorting out a complicated and disconcerting mini-crisis that involved phone calls to law enforcement, uncomfortable telephone conversations and damage control. As unfortunate as it is (those are three hours I’ll never get back, damn it!), it did give me a bit of perspective.

It reinforced something I kind of already knew: Teaching classes and practising at the Shala are my top priorities right now. They’re also my greatest source of comfort and stability. I fell into a state of high anxiety when it appeared that my teaching and my practice were under threat. This bizarre situation (and believe me, it’s *really* bizarre!) gave me a greater appreciation of yoga and the importance it has in my life right now.

I realise this might sound like an unhealthy level of attachment, but I’ve had more than adequate opportunities to practice non-attachment in other areas of my life over the past six months. I need this stability right now.