Thursday, December 9, 2010


This morning I woke up voiceless. The discomfort of my cold was aggravated by a night of restless sleep, punctuated by a third night of painful cramps. And to add misery to injury, I had a blistering rash all over my legs and torso.

I feel like my body is hoisting the white flag of surrender: Enough already! I give up!

I'm falling apart. And I can't fall apart. I don't have time!!!

I got up and did some Hatha yoga, but I felt broken. It's been all of two days, but I already miss my Astanga practice. My plan was to take a break from Astanga during my LH, in order to rest my shoulder. But I'm feeling so fragmented and low energy that I may go back to a (modified) Primary Series tomorrow.

Huge props go out to Maepress for leaving the comment about apple cider vinegar. I think that may have been the single thing that helped me get my voice back in time for the noon class. The Cybershala comes through for me yet again.

By the end of the day, I still had a voice, but I sounded like a version of Bob Dylan in my evening class. Then I seethed through a 3-hour meeting regarding professional standards for yoga teachers, unable to make single remark, because I couldn't. My voice was completely gone.

I know my blog has been an unrelenting festival of misery this week. I don't often have a bad week, but when I do, its a doozy.

In my darkest moments over the last few days, I've considered:
- Quitting Astanga
- Ditching my career as a teacher
- Moving to Hawaii

The reality:
- I'll do my practice
- I'll plan my classes for next session
- Pay my credit card bill

Life will go on. Because that's what life does.

I hope tomorrow is better because I really can't take much more of this.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


Grimmly said...

Sorry your so low, the moving to hawaii bit does sound tempting. Who do we know that's blogging from hawaii, we can look back through their blog and see if they ever have a bad day, week, month. The practice keeps though, full/straight Ashtanga that is, besides, winter feels like a holding pattern anyway, getting through it as best we can. Hope your feeling better soon.

Kaivalya said...

Thanks, Grim. I grew up in Hawaii, so I can confirm that there at are 'good days and bad days' even in Paradise. One of my sisters still lives on Maui and another sister is getting ready to move back in the wake of her divorce. I haven't been back to the islands since I was a teenager, but I think about it a lot...

Christine said...

Hang in there Kai..I'm having the same kind of week here and I'm in Florida! Combination of a random 3-day headache, LH, and record low temps (lows below freezing for more than a week!) have left me grumbling all week...I'm so with you on moving to Hawaii!!

fivefootwo said...

Can you try a confinement/retreat this weekend? Just staying indoors all wrapped up and toasty...In other words rest until you are exhausted from resting.:)

Cabbage said...

Sounds like you are going through a 'perfect storm' of LH, injury, and winter blahs. I hope it all passes through soon!

(btw my word verification is 'bleck' -- yep that pretty much sums it up! ;)

Grimmly said...

I hear your the most favouritist Ashtanga blog, that should cheer you up a little : )

Did i tell you, i recently got offered some Vinyasa Krama teaching in Hawaii, might even take them up on it next year, can say h to your sisters.