Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Day 271

Well, I finally broke my 'Ashtanga streak'.

Since January 1, I hadn't taken a single 'extra' day off from practice. I had completed the entire Primary Series every applicable day, breaking only for Saturdays, Moon Days and my Ladies' Holiday. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for carrying on this long!

As some of you know, I'm going through an oddly difficult break-up. Odd, because the relationship never became very serious and difficult because despite mutual attraction and great compatibility, we failed to make it work. I willingly take on my share of responsibility for this; I'm still sorting through what I might have done differently

I have good days and bad days. But for some reason, the sorrow and futility of it all came crashing down on my shoulders particularly hard yesterday. I just couldn't face myself on the mat. I couldn't face myself, period. I needed a break, a chance to back off and reconsider my options. I needed a reason to go on.

So I took the day off and vowed that I would get a fresh start in the morning. Today, I took a few moments before practice to centre myself and connect with what sustains me, then I did my practice.

It wasn't a great practice, but it was a complete one - in so many ways beyond the physical aspects.

And I'm moving forward. There's someone out there for everybody - I truly believe that. My time is coming - I believe that too. I'm keeping my heart open (oh, those backbends were arduous this morning!!!) and trusting that everything will unfold as it should. Grace is everywhere, including on my mat.

All is coming.


Stellata said...

I feel every word you wrote in this post. You are so strong and beautiful and committed and positive and lovely! I'm so happy to have found you on the web! I love to read about your experiences. I know I rarely comment, but I'm so happy you are here, and i KNOW you will get thru to the other side! And it will rock over there, I promise!

alfia said...

I am sorry about your heartache, Kai. I believe that you are one of those wonderful people worthy of true love. All you need is a little luck, which I wish you with all my heart.

clare said...

I know where you are coming from with your breakup. I found that a relatively short relationship which ended with so many areas unexplored was much harder to walk away from than a long established relationship where no stone was left unturned.

Thinking about what you could have done differently is a killer. But whatever reasons we come up with, it wasn't meant to be. Just look forward to meeting the right person and all the joy and excitement that will bring with it.

Kaivalya said...

Thanks for the kind and thoughtful comments, everyone. :-)