Thursday, November 1, 2007

Day 106

I was quite exhausted this morning. This is the time of the week when I begin to lose my momentum; I'm teaching a lot of yoga and I'm up early on Thursday. The weekend begins to look very enticing.

I did the full primary series today, though I sort of skimped on the closing sequence and didn't have time to chant or meditate afterward. I've really started to look forward to this meditation time to wind down and reflect after my practice. This morning, I had to get cleaned up to go teach a class so it just wasn't happening. I think it's really positive that I actually missed my mediation, though. In the past, I've had to drag myself kicking and screaming to the zafu - my meditation is becoming a safe place for me once again and I really value that.

I had an epiphany in headstand today: I don't need the wall. I really don't need it at all. Even when I'm moving my legs around or coming into half-bend, I feel strong and balanced. I've been doing the pose close to the wall for months, just for the security of it, but I can't remember the last time I needed to use it.

Today, I set up in the middle of the room and I was fine. I was physically fine, but more importantly, I was mentally fine; I didn't miss the wall.
This is huge for me and I think it's the first step to eventually moving my handstand away from the wall.

It's not a physical struggle as much as a mental one. Dumb monkey mind, you spoil all my fun!


Anonymous said...

Wow, Kaivalya! I bumped into your blog today - what a treat! I've been practicing ashtanga for about 3.5-4 years, and I don't know what's happening to me lately. I'm suddenly not sure I want to continue, but I miss the workout, the flexibility and the strength. I'm also a dancer, and somehow dancing doesn't give me what ashtanga has. AGH!! Lost! Anyway, grew up in India (Auroville, TN), spent 4 years in Toronto, back in Auroville. Good luck and all the best!

Kaivalya said...

It's not lost - I believe you'll find your way back to the mat when the time is right. Thanks for stopping by!