Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Day 104

I woke up this morning feeling emotionally raw after a night of restless sleep and nightmares. Right before I went out for my walk, I had a short, but good cry, letting out some long-pent-up grief.

Before practice, I sat down on my mat and soaked in the silence. Then, on a small scrap of paper, I compiled a list of all the assorted emotional baggage I've been carrying around lately. I put that list on my altar while I practised. Afterward, I ripped it up and placed it on the incense holder to symbolically burn away as I did my meditation.

Every single item on the list can be boiled down to fear. My fears haven't gone away, but I've named and acknowledged them. That's always a good first step.

My mat felt like a very safe place to me today. As soon as I sat down on it, I felt peace and a sense of wholeness wash over me. Perhaps because of that, I was braver in my practice and worked very hard. I tried every pose - even the ones I usually skip - and surprised myself!

My hamstrings and hips are very open this week, inversions feel good. Even Supta Kurmasana felt good to me today (and that almost never happens). Ever since the Bujangasana face scraping incident, I've been wary of the full pose. Today, I put a pillow in front of me and managed to come all the way down, albeit with my toes resting on the floor as I lowered down.

1 comment:

Tiff said...

Fears are always there, but I think sometimes we empower them so much they become even more onimous. You did the right thing, acknowledging them...and in time, you'll grow because you'll know yourself better and won't give into them so much.

Well, I hope that's what's happening with me at least ;-)