I'm not floating, I'm floundering

Today was an ordinary day in which many nice things happened to me.

I had a good practice, Primary Series, strong, solid and fun. My mother phoned. I rediscovered a resistance band that I won last year and promptly forgot about (am now happily looking up resistance band YouTubes for building upper body strength). A personal trainer friend showed me a neat exercise using a balance ball to mimick floating forward and I'm loving it.

As the day went on, the good kept coming...

I got a great haircut. I spent an hour in a downtown cafe eating a tea biscuit and surfing the web to my heart's content. A good chunk of unexpected money appeared in my account. Fresh cherries were on sale at the grocery store. I treated myself to Larry Schultz's "Rocket II" DVD (I hope it's good! Have any of you tried it?).

And, most profoundly nice, a senior yoga teacher who has been one of my teachers for nearly 10 years asked me to sub one of her Intermediate classes while she's away later this summer. I was so flattered and honoured, I almost lost my words for moment. It's deeply meaningful to me that she asked - and that she trusts me to cover her class (she also a fabulous teacher - those are very big shoes to fill!).

I'm still on my LH, so my practice is still modified. Today, I focused a lot of the vinyasas. I've amended my 'floaty vinyasa gameplan' again: I re-added the skinny blocks to my jumpthroughs. I can get by without them, but... I figured out that if I'm not fussing with those blocks, I can make a continuous flow out of the whole thing: jumpback, vinyasa, jumpthrough. It's rough-hewn, but it all starts to come together. I lack grace and I fall on my face a lot. I'm not floating, I'm floundering, but it's a start!

At the end of my practice, I added a prep pose for Pincha Mayurasana - Pincha arms with legs in downward dog. I was looking for a way to work on strength since I'm not doing the full inversion right now. DT stopped by and made a few very specific adjustments, explained what she was doing and I clarified by asking questions.

End result: Pincha ephiphany! I'm curious to see if this helps at all when I'm back to the full pose again.


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Chasing sunbeams

Don't let that sunbeam Princess Fur is baking in fool you: spring hasn't sprung yet. We had a big snowstorm on Wednesday that left us buried in over a foot of snow and it's still on the ground, since the temperatures have been dipping below freezing (with a -16 windchill today).

This isn't doing much to raise my spirits. Do. Not. Like.

Last weekend, to add insult to injury, I was hit with a bit of a tummy bug. I've never been so thankful for a Moon Day in my life! I really needed that rest. I still wasn't feeling 100% on Monday, so I did the Suryas and fundamental standing poses then loafed around with my legs up a wall.

On Tuesday and Wednesday, I did my full practice and I did Primary-only on Thursday morning.

On Thursday night, I did an additional Vinyasa practice at Studio East. By horribly incovenient coincidence, my LH started mere minutes before the class. I had so looked forward to this class, I was determined to carry on. I decided to tough it out.

So you can imagine my joy when H asked me to be at the *front* of the class (because the room was very crowded), then she helpfully pointed me out, as someone the class could follow for visual cues when she was busy with adjustments.

I cheerfully waved to the 27+ people from my spot in the very front, thinking: Yeah, just follow the cringing woman with the Buddha Belly and the raging PMS! I'll lead the way!

Thank goodness I wore black pants!

Actually, it wasn't bad at all and I had a fantastic class. That's my last bit of vinyasas-class-fun until the summer, though.

Friday was a horrific day for so many reasons. But the weekend was awesome because I could sleep in every day. Tomorrow is going to be very difficult! I'm back to my full teaching schedule and back to business as usual with my practice, at least for another week.

Because after that...everything is going to shift. Again!

Stay tuned...

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Too much candy makes you sick

Wow, am I ever tired of the never-ending, when-will-it-die discussion of Scant Yoga Clothing. Just when I thought it was finally over for good, it popped up again in the blogosphere this week, just like an annoying relative who doesn't know when to leave.

Hey, Short Shorts! You've outstayed your welcome. Now scurry along and don't let the door smack you on your exposed buttcheeks.

I swear, I'm going to buy a pair of those miniscule shorts, then wear them the next time I go to Shala North and scare all my friends. Trust me, I'm NOT a person who should be wearing tiny shorts. My yoga shorts resemble granny-panties for good reason: I'm no longer twenty years old!

(although, I have to admit - the gentlemen pictured above are TOTALLY pulling it off!)

A few words about my practice...

I've been maintaining a 5-day practice schedule of Astanga. This week, I did my full practice (Primary, first 8 Intermediate poses) on Saturday, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday and went to a Bikram class on Wednesday. Tonight, I went to an evening Vinyasa class too, so I'm bone-exhausted.

I had a funny moment in the class tonight. All week, I've been teaching Galavasana in my classes, carefully chopping the pose into managable 'phases' so the beginning students won't feel too overwhelmed and I've also demo'ed the full pose for my students.

It's interesting the way this posture has popped up over the course of the week. I ran across a magazine article about the pose, then a friend who's fairly new to yoga wrote a FB status about learning the pose. Between hearing about it, reading about it, doing it and teaching it, by the end of the week, I was feeling pretty Galavasana'ed out.

As I headed to class this evening, I was thinking what a privilege it was to go to a class taught by a colleague and experience yoga as a student: "This is awesome! 90 whole minutes of 'me time' and fun vinaysa!" And almost as an afterthought: "I won't have to do Galavasana! Yay!"

Guess what the arm balance was tonight? Yup! What are the odds? This week, the universe was giving me more Galavasana than I could handle. I was so tired, I could barely manage it tonight! I totally tanked. My Bandhas said 'uncle'.

I'm SO glad I have the weekend off. Tomorrow, I'll practice Primary. With the Moon Day on Saturday and my regular rest day on Sunday, I'll have a two-day vacation from Astanga, though I may do a bit of vinyasa yoga.

Or I may not. Maybe I'll just sleep in! ;-)

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A Mental Health Holiday

Fair warning: This is a whiny post.

Back in my corporate days, today would have been called a 'mental health holiday'. I cancelled absolutely *everything* - day classes, afternoon classes and evening classes. In eight years of teaching, I've never done this - not even when I was sick.

I'm good at toughing things out, but lately, I've felt felt like I'm at the end of my rope. I needed to take a step back.

So I slept in. My morning yoga practice consisted of an hour of restorative yoga from the Bobby Clennell book, followed by a salt bath, followed by a long nap. I spent the rest of day in my jammies, sitting in the window seat, reading a book with Princess Fur curled up on my lap. In the evening, I rode out to the east end and took a vinyasa class with one of my long-time teachers and friends.

The entire day was very easy and soothing. It was exactly what I needed.

Lately, I've been in this sad little headspace. I'm feeling glum, uncertain and adrift. I'm probably a bit depressed. Part of it is due to the time of year. I've also been experiencing a 'crisis of confidence' in my teaching recently. And part of the blame for the funk rests squarely on the gimpy shoulder.

Yeah, I know, I know...being depressed about the state of my practice is SO typical. Everyone is doing it. I'm not trying to jump on a bandwagon, honest. But damn, I HATE this injury. The torn hamstring was never this annoying!! Or was it? I can't remember...*grump*

Sometimes I wonder, with all the modifications I'm doing, when the practice stops being Astanga and starts being something else entirely. At the beginning of the week, I experienced *another* set-back with the shoulder and I had to cut Urdhva Dhanurasana. Now I'm all nostalgic for the 'good old days' when UD was merely 'uncomfortable'. If the injury doesn't kill me, the irony might!

Anyway, enough of that. Here's a little overview of my Week of Blah:

After two years of yoga-every-day-no-matter-what, I'm finally taking a genuine day off each week. On Sunday, I did no yoga. The 'yoga streak' is officially over! I'm really enjoying the weekly respite and to be honest, it's well-timed. I really need it.

But I'm starting to hate Monday practices because after a day off, I feel SO stiff. I practised my Primary and 2nd series poses, but everything was gummy and tender. I tried to do Urdhva Dhanurasana but found it very painful for my shoulder and had to stop at two backbends.

On Tuesday, I decided to replace Urdhva Dhanurasana with hangbacks. No dice - the hangbacks felt yucky. I reverted to a variation of UD that I learned from my Montreal teachers, keeping my hands off the floor. But it all felt like a big waste of time.

Wednesday was hot yoga day. It was a relief to do a practice without modifications and I soaked up the heat like a happy sponge. Everything is going pretty well with those postures, though I couldn't seem to balance in Padangusthasana. I brought my head to my knee in Dandayamana-Janushirasana, though, and held the balance. Yay! I treated my favourite hot yoga teacher, Peanut, to some cookies for Valentines Day.

The cookies were actually a bright spot in an otherwise blah week. I spent Sunday baking and in the end, I had 108 cookies! (not just yummy, but auspicous!) I spent the rest of the week handing out cookies to friends, students (and in a few cases, complete strangers).

"Happy Valentine's Day" It was so much fun!


Today, of course, I took my 'mental health day'. I really enjoyed the evening vinyasa class. It's a good reminder of how far I've come in my yoga practice, regardless of how I'm feeling about it at the moment. This is not a particularly challenging class for me, but moving through the sequence, guided by the teacher's voice, was as comforting as being wrapped in a soft, love-worn quilt. On a day that was all about soothing myself, this capped it off nicely.

When I told my teacher about the injury she laughed and said "Your right shoulder, my left shoulder!" Apparently, this is a very trendy injury! All the coolest practitioners are getting it! Between the two of us, we have one set of healthy shoulders. Maybe we should just team up!

Tomorrow is a Moon Day (I'm planning to go to the noon class at Hot Central). I won't be doing another Astanga practice until Saturday. Perhaps by then (I hope), I'll feel better.

On a bright note, I managed two Urdhva Dhanurasana in the vinyasa class tonight. I wasn't sure I would be able to pull them off, but figured it couldn't hurt (too badly) to try. The teacher offered an interesting variation for coming into the pose. She instructed us to lift our heels before pressing up (and then to drop them). For some reason, this reduced the pressure on my shoulder coming up. I'm looking forward to trying it in my regular practice.

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Astanga

I did a yoga double-header today. I’m pretty wiped!

In the morning, I did my full practice, battled my way through the Intermediate poses, then did some deep backbending (repeating Urdhva Dhanurasana over and over again, walking my hands in as far as I could and holding for five breaths). After my three dropbacks (with some unsuccessful rocking-to-standing), I finished my practice, in just over two hours.

Whew!

Then I dashed off to teach a class, ate my lunch, walked my dog, and headed out for some more yoga fun.

During the recent yoga festival, I ran into one of my first teachers in this city, H. She was one of my main teachers for years and led my YTT. I realised that it had been at least two years since I attended one of her classes, so I promised that I would come by for a visit soon.

H was very cute about it, warning me that her Vinyasa classes are pretty ‘hard core’ now. I reassured her that I’m pretty hardcore now too! Then she laughed and said “I know! I know! I’ve heard! That’s why I mentioned it - you’ll be challenged!”

Aw, the yoga community grapevine...it never lets me down! I wonder who she’s been talking to? :-D

While it wasn’t the most difficult yoga practice I’ve done lately (she’s up against some very stiff competition, given my current practice), I certainly broke a sweat in the class. And there was a tripod headstand that was a bit tricky (and unexpected - I didn’t pull it off very gracefully). The rest of the class was pretty easy going for me.

No complaints, though. It was very, very fun! She taught some unusual variation on Surya Namaskara, lots of vinyasa and standing poses, Vriksasana to Virabhadrasana III, Natarajasana to Ardha Chandrasana, a few lunges and deep hip openers, a Krounchasana variation and some peaceful forward bends near the end. I enjoyed it. I would have liked to see an inversion in the finishing, but I savoured the long, long child’s pose.

Her style has shifted back to a more vinyasa-flow dynamic since the last time I took a class with her. It reminded me a lot of the led classes at Shala South, which makes perfect sense given that H trained there and still studies with one of the senior teachers. She’s a master at teaching to different levels in a class. At the beginning, she encouraged us to find ‘freedom’ in our practice, and find variations that best resonated in our own bodies.

I’m glad I went. It was an the opportunity to do poses that are not normally part of my practice. There’s a chance I may be able to attend her class next week as well. If I can do it, I will. Mid-month, things start to get crazy. I’m back to teaching full-time and I won’t be able to attend classes again until December at the earliest.

********************

I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn’t think it would happen this quickly: I’m getting bored and just a bit lazy in my home practice (I lasted what? All of two weeks? I guess I really *do* like being at a shala)

I miss practising with a teacher, with people around me. I miss having a community and a place to go for practice in the mornings. A friend was concerned I might be considering a return to Shala Central, but no. That’s out of the question now - for many reasons, but chief among them, the teachers would never support my Intermediate Series practice.

Unfortunately, this also takes Shala North out of the running. DR is very firm that his students must stand up from a backbend in order to move on to Intermediate Series.

Again, I’m not going to get into the politics of this (and it’s a tinder-box issue, to be sure). In the Astanga community, there’s a huge divide between teachers who follow the ‘stand up’ rule and those who go by the older standards. I honestly don’t know which method is the best (I’ll let you know six months from now).

I only know that I came by my longer practice very honestly: I was given these poses by a certified teacher. I didn’t ask for Intermediate (in case any of you were wondering). I feel like this series of events unfolded for a reason.

My gut is telling me to follow this thread, but I also need help with my practice.

So I’m considering all my options. I’ll let you know what I figure out.

Restorative

It looks like I'm going to be pulling in some serious cat-related good Karma this week. I just picked up the key for my THIRD cat sitting gig. Amusingly, I'm now cat sitting for the neighbour who lives next door to my next door neighbour (the one who has the two cats). Since both these neighbours live on my floor, I don't need to travel far, unlike the other cat, who lives in a different building entirely...

Are you confused yet? I don't blame you. I am too.

So I created a special 'Cats' category on my Google Calendar just to manage all the departure and arrival times for the various cat owners (in order to avoid my worst nightmare: entering an apartment for a cat visit, only to find my jet-lagged neighbour getting out of the shower...egad!).

Let the purring commence!

The first few days of the week may have indeed been busy, but today absolutely trumped them. By 8 a.m., I was already up, baking cookies. On the way to my noon class, I had stop by the mall (oh, KILL ME NOW!) and even worse, the Apple Store (ARGH!!!). After class, I made the mad dash home for a very quick lunch before heading back out for two more classes.

From there, I went straight to the soup kitchen where I was not needed in the slightest; We had a GLUT of volunteers. I ended up standing around, gossiping, eating french fries and watching the newbie volunteers collide into one another in the narrow aisles between tables. I finally left because there was nothing to do (I'll be back there early tomorrow anyway).

When I finally got home, I was tense and tired and cranky, so I made some time for Restorative Yoga: Hot aromatherapy bath, 20 minutes of restorative backbending over props, and another 10 minutes on the massage balls (for my shoulders).

I'm all blissed out now.

The next few days will be so nice. I don't *need* to go anywhere. I'll be volunteering at the soup kitchen, but that's more joy than it is work. I teach one class on Boxing Day. But otherwise, it's all sloth. I have a pile of trash fiction from the library, some good books on my Kindle and some groovy new Christmas music to listen to.

And when I was at the library today, I picked up Rainbeau Mars' DVD 'Yoga for Beauty'. There are two different classes offered: Dawn and Dusk. I'm looking forward to my first Rainbeau experience and becoming VERY beautiful, since the DVD promises to “Improve circulation for an all-over glow!”, “Boost energy and vitality” and “Eliminate impurities for radiant skin!”.

Yay.

Restorative

The past few days have been absolutely wild, gyrating between tearful-awake-all-night-consumed-with-worry to pure-WOOHOO!-elation. It's almost indescribable. My days are usually very serene, with the careful unfolding of a regular routine. No fuss, no excitement.

But this week? Let's do this in point format (because, frankly, my brain is fried):

- Monday: Princess Fur has been lethargic, hesitant to eat and she hasn't been playing much. I took her in to the vet for testing and walked out $500 poorer. Ouch. After everything else was ruled out, we agreed that she needed a dental cleaning.

I spent the rest of that day telling myself that I should just 'let go' of that $500. But it's hard. I had *just* started getting back on my feet financially.

- Tuesday: My vet phoned me with the quote for Princess Fur's dental cleaning: $1300. I shit my pants. I simply don't have this kind of money (I had only $400 saved for the procedure).

I spent much of that day tearing up every time I saw a Christmas tree because I was pretty sure I would have NOTHING but a huge debt for Christmas after this was all over. I stayed up all night surfing the Internet, hoping Google might save me.

Then my Lady's Holiday hit me with power cramps and a bad headache. Wacky hormones were magnifying everything. I felt like I was falling apart.

- Wednesday: My all-night research led me to another vet in the area. After a quick chat with the receptionist (I was a tiny bit hysterical), I decided to take a chance and bring my dog in for yet *another* examination.

This vet (a kind and compassionate older gentleman) spent a half-hour talking me off the ledge and reassuring me that my dog is actually very healthy. He went through the test results (faxed from the other vet) line by line by line. He gave me a quote for the dental cleaning: under $400!

Woozy from lack of sleep, I spent the rest of that day feeling like I was in the twilight zone: exhausted, relieved and a bit suspicious that I was actually living in another dimension.

Today: Things seemed like they were finally back to normal!

The dog is booked for a cleaning on Monday. I had a solid 8 hours of sleep. I did 30 minutes of restorative yoga this morning using Teacher H's CD, but modifying one of the poses into my newly beloved Supta Baddha Konasana using a bolster to add a slight backbend, totally blissing out. I noted that there's no twinge at all in my shoulder now. I'm hoping to get back to a more rigorous practice on Friday.

My Thursday noon class is fully booked, which is great news: I'll have enough cash for my monthly subway pass purchase.

As I'm finishing up my practice, the UPS guy phones. UPS? I wasn't expecting a delivery. The packages are from Amazon.com. There's a small box and a bigger box.

I open the small one. It's a case of some sort. I'm puzzled. I open up the bigger one:

Yes, as a matter of fact, that *is* an Amazon Kindle.

I'm officially gobsmacked (to be continued...)

Restorative

Once again, my practice is beginning to feel like 'Groundhog Day' but of a different flavour: the 'restorative' edition.

The good news: My shoulder is feeling better, much better. The bad news: My left Deltoid is still tender. Specifically, it cramps up if I hold my left arm out to the side, à la Virabhadrasana II. Apparently, this soreness is not unusual and it may plague me for another few days. Good times!

Since the sore deltoid triggered the old shoulder injury (I'm almost sure it was Virabhadrasana II or Parsvakonasana that did it on Wednesday), I chilled out today with restorative practice again.

I did most of Teacher H's restorative class (I have this on audio), all the way through the backbends section. Then, I used a strap to do my own signature hamstring/psoas series (my legs were feeling tight). My practice lasted an hour.

I also stretched the upper back in my noon class while teaching the Schiffmann shoulder sequence to my students.

This felt so good that I was inspired to purchase the Beginner Yoga 'Backyard' video that Karen mentioned a few months ago. It features an expanded shoulder sequence. I'll try this for my practice tomorrow. I should be ready to do some standing poses by then. I haven't viewed the entire video yet, but in the first moments, he carefully clears a few fallen leaves off of his yoga mat before sitting down. For some reason, I find this extremely endearing!

While I was snooping around on Erich's iHanuman page, I found a free talk entitled 'Why meditate?' I love this! I'm going to listen to it every time I feel a burned out in my meditation practice! I enjoy the simple, clear way Erich conveys complex ideas and they way he phrases things. The story about 'the window' is a keeper!

No backbend photo this week, but here's a photo I shot of my Downward Facing Dog recently.


This one has a story!

I took the photo out of pure curiosity because something's been bugging me. At a spring yoga conference earlier this year, a perky little YTT Trainee bounced up to me as I was leaving a workshop she had been 'observing'. With impressive arrogance, she proceeded to tell me *everything* that was wrong with my downward facing dog, the main issue seemed to be the alignment of my pelvis and back. She was very insistent: if I continued to do the pose with this alignment, I would surely injure myself.

I was nice about it. I let her know that I was an experienced teacher. I gently explained that I've been doing the pose that way for 15 years and it's *fine*. And, as a teacher, I have a pretty good sense of alignment. She gazed at me in confusion for a moment, then bounced away.

I would *love* to know whose teacher training she was in. :-D

So I curious to see if she might have a point. My back looks fine in the photo. My arms are the big stand-out. Although I do hyperextend in my elbows, that's not what's going on here (Believe it or not, I'm microbending the joint like a good girl). I just have funky arms. I do seem to sink into the armpit chest (Teacher M is always pointing that out) but I have a hard time finding the middle way between sinking and rounding up too far.

If I was as cute as Princess Fur, people might give me treats at conferences. Just sayin'!

Restorative

Is there such a thing as the Friday Blues? This is the second week in a row that I've felt 'off' on Friday. Last weekend wasn't very much fun, so maybe I'm flinching in anticipation?

Last night, I laid over the Acuball for 20 minutes, smeared some heat-rub on my left upper-back and left arm, then took muscle relaxants. That seemed to do the trick. I slept like a log and I felt a bit better in the morning.

The pain (a tight, cramping sensation) flares up on the inside edge of my left scapula when I turn my head to the left (more pronounced if I then drop my chin to my shoulder). Playing my guitar makes it worse. I didn't practise my guitar at all on Wednesday. Yesterday and today, I played and took breaks, trying not to tense my shoulder. Maybe this will break my bad habit of scrunching my left hand up when I'm trying to get the G-chord. Argh.

Anyway, I'm not taking any chances with this 'injury'. I'm doing Yin or Restorative yoga until my upper back is pain free. No Chaturanga for me. I'm in constant movement while teaching my classes, I don't need to stress my upper-back/shoulder any further with my own practice. I miss Astanga. I've been on a serious Astanga spree and life isn't the same without daily Beryl!

This morning, I practised with Teacher H's restorative yoga sequence, leaving out the part against a wall, since I no longer have a free wall to work against (the bookshelf works for Viparita Karani, though) The supported backbend was *wonderful* and I could really feel it working in my thoracic spine. I'll have to keep that one in mind for finessing my Urdhva Dhanurasana.

Teacher H was my main teacher for years and it was soothing to hear her voice. I looked up her schedule and she has one vinyasa class that doesn't directly coincide with my classes. I may stop by and visit, since the Jivamukti studio seems to be defunct.

After practice, I went back to the Acuball, then took a hot bath. I'm going to nap for an extended period this afternoon instead of working at the soup kitchen. More rest for my shoulder!

Also, I need the extra sleep because I'm going to a party tonight and I'll be out past my bedtime (I know, shocking, isn't it!?). My friend S is celebrating his birthday and he throws the *best* parties. He always invites a diverse group of really interesting, multi-faceted people; the movers-and-the-shakers, but the ones you really *want* to know. I'm shy in groups, but I always have a good time and end up in a good conversation; people aren't cliquey at these parties.