I'm not floating, I'm floundering

Today was an ordinary day in which many nice things happened to me.

I had a good practice, Primary Series, strong, solid and fun. My mother phoned. I rediscovered a resistance band that I won last year and promptly forgot about (am now happily looking up resistance band YouTubes for building upper body strength). A personal trainer friend showed me a neat exercise using a balance ball to mimick floating forward and I'm loving it.

As the day went on, the good kept coming...

I got a great haircut. I spent an hour in a downtown cafe eating a tea biscuit and surfing the web to my heart's content. A good chunk of unexpected money appeared in my account. Fresh cherries were on sale at the grocery store. I treated myself to Larry Schultz's "Rocket II" DVD (I hope it's good! Have any of you tried it?).

And, most profoundly nice, a senior yoga teacher who has been one of my teachers for nearly 10 years asked me to sub one of her Intermediate classes while she's away later this summer. I was so flattered and honoured, I almost lost my words for moment. It's deeply meaningful to me that she asked - and that she trusts me to cover her class (she also a fabulous teacher - those are very big shoes to fill!).

I'm still on my LH, so my practice is still modified. Today, I focused a lot of the vinyasas. I've amended my 'floaty vinyasa gameplan' again: I re-added the skinny blocks to my jumpthroughs. I can get by without them, but... I figured out that if I'm not fussing with those blocks, I can make a continuous flow out of the whole thing: jumpback, vinyasa, jumpthrough. It's rough-hewn, but it all starts to come together. I lack grace and I fall on my face a lot. I'm not floating, I'm floundering, but it's a start!

At the end of my practice, I added a prep pose for Pincha Mayurasana - Pincha arms with legs in downward dog. I was looking for a way to work on strength since I'm not doing the full inversion right now. DT stopped by and made a few very specific adjustments, explained what she was doing and I clarified by asking questions.

End result: Pincha ephiphany! I'm curious to see if this helps at all when I'm back to the full pose again.


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Whomp Moratorium

DT has put a moratorium on my Pincha *Whomps*. I knew it was coming after my disasterous attemps to come into that pose on my own yesterday (I didn't stick the balance even once). I'm at the point now where I need to either go up and stay up, or not go up at all (unless I'm doing a long hold against the wall). DT doesn't want falling to become a pattern and she's got a point: If falling out of Pincha was the full expression of the pose, I'd have that one in the bag!

Today, instead of trying to go up, I set up in the middle of my mat, walked my feet in and stayed on my tippy toes. I may add lifting one leg. I'm actually moderately competent at balancing with one leg up, the other leg in a pike, so I may try that too.

Alas, all of this planning is a moot point as of today because my dreaded LH is here. No inversions for a few days! :-( I'll be practising a low-key Primary or less for the rest of the week, though I might squeeze in some Intermediate on Friday.

On the bright side, this gives me a chance to work on my jumpbacks and jumpthroughs. Today, DT offered some additional instruction for the jumpback. The second or third time I tried it, I was able to find the 'lift' to jump back (it was probably just a milimetre of lift, but it felt huge to me!).

I'll have plenty of opportunities to explore this in the coming week, if I'm feeling up to it.


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Building a Better Band-aid (or pose)

I learned a great many things this week, but here's a biggie:
Road rash and Astanga are a nasty combination. Gee, we can send a man to the moon and produce shoes that fasten with velcro (and, in fact, these two things are interelated), but apparently we can't make a band-aid that doesn't immediately detach as soon as sweat enters the picture.

Also, as careful as I try to be, it's amazing how many different ways I can knock my body into the skin of my delicate, injured elbow. Particularly exquisite 'agony moments' include: Garba Pindasana, Baddha Padmasana and the exit from Tittibhasana to Bakasana (because I can never seem to get my knees far enough up my arms, though the cranky elbow offered a special incentive...).

A shalamate who works in the food industry and brought me a special gift of heavy-duty, vibrantly coloured band-aids. They definitely worked better than my wimply generic drugstore band-aids. Bonus: when one fell off, it was immediately evident because of the glaring neon hue (this is important for chefs because if a band-aid falls into the souffle, you kinda want to know about that; another new fact I learned this week).

A few of you wrote to ask how I was doing - thanks! It was a tough week. Over the weekend, I was not only dealing with the pain from the accident, but I also had a little bit of a cold so I wasn't sleeping well. Thanks to yoga, I'm long accustomed to parts of my body feeling sore pretty much all the time, so it surprised me how much the raw skin and bruising bothered me. I couldn't sleep on my left hip and my elbow throbbed at night. But it's all healing up now. The cold lasted a day-and-a-half (and my allergies are back with a vengence).

I practised through it all. I managed to squeeze in Intermediate on Sunday and Monday before my Ladies Holiday hit me like a tonne of bricks on Monday afternoon. Then I was utterly miserable for nearly two days, could barely get out of bed at times. It hurt to WALK. On Tuesday morning, I limped into the shala with a big, fluffy bolster and proceeded to shock all my shalamates by doing a restorative Iyengar practice for two hours. I was just glad to be there (and grateful that DT supports the option) and I felt a hundred times better afterward. Yoga really is magic! And DT even taught me a new trick for using a strap in Padmasana, which was very cool.

I taught a few classes on Tuesday night and as I was heading home, I abruptly realised that I was feeling MUCH better and I lept out of bed on Wednesday morning absolutely stoked to do some Primary Series. I had a terrific practice! My LBH poses have really been coming along in the past week. I've long sinced moved away from the wall for Dwi Pada. For a while, I was putting a rolled up blanket behind me to provide a wedge, then I would struggle along until DT came along to rescue me (we had a good system going - she usually tossed the blanket aside for me).

The blanket taught me something important: in order not to fall over backward, I kind of need to *lean* backward. It helps keep the left leg in place behind my head while I wrangle the right leg into place. I've roughly Dwi Pada'ed myself before, but Wednesday was the great day that I managed to come into the pose deeply *all* by myself. AND I lowered myself into Supta Kurmasana without losing my legs down my head, AND lifted myself back up with the legs still in place, AND I lifted up and nailed the Bakasana exit. And THEN (warning: TMI), I ripped my tender left elbow skin apart and cussed out loud. There's a 'win' in there somewhere, though. ;-)

I managed to repeat this feat on Thursday, though it took me a few tries. The first time I went in, DT swooped over. The second time (by myself) was a 'fail', but the third time, I managed to repeat Wednesday's success! I was having such a great practice that day (and the shala was a bit quieter - no one was waiting for my spot) that I went ahead and did the first eight postures of Intermediate too. Wow, Pasasana is SO much easier with all of that warmup. DT suggested I start working towards binding to wrist in that pose, but it still feels impossible to me. I had a good mid-hand grip going on my strongest side, though, without adjustment.

This morning (Friday), with my LH over and two days of Primary behind me, I decided to go ahead and do my Intermediate. I repeated Dwi Pada three times. I was getting into it just fine, but I was having trouble bringing my hands to prayer position and balancing there (without 'weebling'). DT instructed me to 'use my legs', which sounds kind of funny since they're tucked behind my back, but I know what she means. I need to engage my hamstrings.

It always comes back to this and this important lesson came up again and again in practice this week. In Laghu Vajrasana, DT swung by to talk to me after one of my failed attempts to hold the pose on the floor and come up again. I can get to the floor and back up most of the time if I dip (and I usually do a few 'warm up dips' using my skinny half-block). But I haven't yet found that magic alchemy to allows me to stay down there for five breath cycles and then come back up.

"You can't let go, you need to keep it all engaged", DT told me and she pointed out that this is true for every pose. In fact, I believe it's one of her pet peeves about me - it drives her nuts when I take a pose and then I 'flop' into it, especially the ones where I can rely on my flexibility.

This point was most clearly illustrated today during my weekly hot class. I went to the noon hot class because my meditation group meets in the evening. As I was waiting for my class to start, I noticed the person to my left taking a few warm up poses. Not everyone does this, most just lay in Savasana. But this woman was doing *fabulous*, deep backbends, one after the other and I was pretty impressed (and trying not to be too obvious about watching, but WOW).

I immediately assumed that she would have a fabulous practice and I was looking forward to seeing it. Keep in mind, in a hot room, there's less of an emphasis on strict Driste - in fact, you're somewhat encouraged to follow what the people around you are doing, especially if you're new. I also find that while the 'dialogue' is useful, it's kind of awesome to practice next to an advanced practitioner because you can pick up little things from visual cues that you might not grasp from the verbal ones (today, my neighbour to the right was one of those people, and I was learning a LOT from observing her form). Basically, you're allowed to look around a bit and it's not a big deal.

So, the class started and sure enough, my neighbour pulled off beautiful sidebends and her hangback went nearly to the floor and I was impressed and a little envious. But as we moved into subsequent poses, I was surprised. She would come into a pose, sometimes with surprising depth, but then almost immediately come out. This pattern repeated throughout the practice, especially in the standing balances, some of which are held for a minute at a time. Something about this was tickling the edge of my brain and I realised what it was: it was reminding me of *me*, only I do it in backbends.

And it reminded me of something DT says all the time: "You need to build the strength first." DT made this point when I first added handstands to my practice. So you can come into a handstand, big deal. Doesn't mean a thing if you can't hold it. Instead of coming in and out of the handstand, DT wanted me to come into handstand and stay there until I reached my limit of endurance. DT is also fond of pointing out that I'm 'flexible enough, just not strong enough' for certain poses.

Back to the hot class: I'm holding standing-bow (a standing backbend) for the regulation minute and gradually trying to deepen my pose by kicking my leg higher, while still maintaining my balance. By the end of the second set, I noticed something: as I held the pose for a minute and kept kicking up, kicking up, kicking up, I was attaining almost exactly the same depth as my backbendy neighbour. It just took me longer to find it.

I'm not naturally backbendy at all, but it felt as if the depth was coming from the strength of the pose. The stronger I kicked back and the stronger I made my standing leg, the more aware I was of the structure holding the pose together, and the easier it was for me to find the deeper backbend (while still maintaining my balance).

I'm finding more and more that if I don't have the strength, I don't have the pose. All of these poses that I thought I had 'in the bag' because of the length I've developed in my hamstrings (I'm talking Primary Series here), are the very ones that DT is on my case about because I'm not using muscle engagement to hold them together.

I need to take this awareness that I've cultivated very naturally in my hot practice (mainly because the dialogue provides a constant reminder) and apply it to my Astanga practice, especially Intermediate Series, because I don't think I'll find depth in these poses without it.








(photo credit: Bikram Yoga Dallas)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Astanga

Every so often, the Universe sees that I’m struggling and throws me a bone. This was one of those days.

Maybe it was the Full Moon energy. Maybe it’s because of the earlier practice (I bumped up my practice time this week), but I had a fabulous practice! I was feeling STRONG

Let’s count the small victories:

-Three successful no-toe-touch jumpbacks and many strong lift-ups
-Several no-bum-to-floor jumpthroughs (a complete surprise; something was ‘clicking’ this morning)
-First time I’ve ever had a bind to wrist (WRIST!) in Marichyasana D (and both sides too!)
-Chest flat to floor (with help from teacher) then heels lifted off the floor (my own hard work) in Kurmasana
-I enjoyed a rather spectacular Garba Pindasana with my hands never leaving my head as I rolled around and then pushed straight up into Kukutasana
-I nailed every last Chakrasana without help, including the dreaded post-backbend roll
-Teacher P asked me to cross my ankles first in Supta Kurmasana. I needed help with the bind, but it was a tight, tight pose. And I lifted up by myself, though my legs fell apart immediately. Until I get my legs behind my back, a real lift-up probably won’t happen in that exit. But fun!
-I heard a “Good!” from Teacher P during backbends
-A nice lift straight up in Sarvangasana without my usual Halasana cheat (I’m figured out how to get up on my shoulders under me first before lifting into the pose)

Backbends are getting interesting! Earlier in the month, Teacher P took away sunbathing privileges between cycles of Urdhva Dhanurasana. Yesterday, Teacher R suggested that I avoid the beach entirely: no more rest between the first three backbends and the last two. Go down and right back up! Yesterday, it felt like agony, but today was okay. I do feel like I’m getting stronger.

My legs were shaking as I walked to the streetcar afterward! I went straight home and took a salt bath. Thank goodness tomorrow is a Moon Day! I need it. I’m not going *anywhere* tomorrow morning - I’m staying put (and sleeping in, though I’ll probably indulge in an extracurricular backbending practice at home).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Strength is a decision you make.” (from the Kino ‘strength workshop’ - thank you, Susan for the reminder)


At the rate I’m going, I’ll soon be able to open those bottles all by myself! *snark*

Workshop

It’s Kino Weekend! It started last night with chanting and a demonstration (which I couldn’t attend because I was working at the soup kitchen) and continued with Mysore-style practice this morning (which I had to opt out of because I teach on Saturday mornings). But I did make it to the afternoon strength workshop.

I took copious notes during the workshop and I’ve transcribed these, trying to flesh them out with details and some context. I didn’t make any videos or take photographs during this first workshop.

From the opening remarks:

-Strength comes from Shraddha (Sanskrit for faith). Strength is a decision of the mind.
-The hips contain our centre of gravity so when we shift them radically in space, our balance is destablized and that’s where much of the fear comes from.
-You whole body is a network. There is a synergistic effect; the whole body *must* participate

Setting up the structure - building a strong plank

Come into Table Pose (on your hands and knees):

1) Wrists aligned under shoulders, wide fingers ‘clawing’ the floor (rooting down particularly through the mound of the index finger)
2) Creases of the elbows are angled at 45 degrees forward
3) Gaze is at the floor, chin moves away from the chest
4) Broaden the collarbones, pull the shoulders back (the shoulderblades move down the back)
5) Inhale, as you exhale pull the sternum up into the space between the shoulderblades
6) Inhale, as you exhale, pull the lower ribs down and together to close off that space (action of the serratus anterior muscles)
7) Engage Uddiyana Bandha
7) Tuck the tailbone. From this action, step the legs back one at a time to a plank position (you’ll feel a sense of lift through the length of the body)

(From here, we worked with partners. Once the ‘structure’ was set, we leaned onto our partner’s upper back (near the shoulderblades) to test the stability, both in Table Pose and Plank).

‘Up’ happens! (Jump back/through)

The first step is to build a foundation, a structure. Then you can move forward into that foundation and ‘up’ happens!

This is your mantra when moving your pelvis in space: I SEND MY PELVIS FORWARD (she repeated this again and again, and applied it to *everything*, even in some movement where it seemed counterintuitive).

The key to these exercises is taking it very slowly and ‘walking’ the feet in tiny tippy-toe baby-steps instead of actually jumping (even if you already can). The goal is to maintain the ‘structure’ created in Table Pose (above) and initiate movements of the pelvis from this base of strength.

Jumpthroughs:
1) Set up the structure (Table to Plank, as above)
2) Walk the feet forward, moving the pelvis forward until the feet bump up to the arms/hands
3) Wiggle the feet through (I found this was the most difficult part!)
4) LIFT, extend the legs forward
5) Lower down with control

Jumpbacks:
1) From Dandasana, bring the hands about one hand-length forward of the hips
2) Shift the weight forward and lift up. Send the pelvis forward, as in, sending the pelvis back and then UP in a circle (as if you would lift into a handstand)
3) Wiggle the feet back through the arms
4) Lift just one foot up (the other can remain on the floor), then bend the arms (as in Chaturanga)
5) Step the feet back one at a time, then straighten the arms

Jumping from Bakasana into Chaturanga: Same principles apply: I SEND MY PELVIS FORWARD. The pelvis moves up and forward (as if to lift into a handstand) but then shoot the feet back.

Sirsasana (Headstand): It was interesting to see Kino’s ‘mantra’ applied there. When I do the pose, I really do ‘send my pelvis forward’. This allows me to shift my centre of gravity towards the floor in front me and my legs float up smoothly. I apply the same technique to coming down. When I teach it, I encourage my students to work with gravity by moving the pelvis forward to offer a counter-weight to the legs, allowing the legs to lift (I guess my mantra is: “Gravity is your friend’. How Newtonian of me!).

Handstand: Same principle as headstand (but it’s SO much harder - at least for me!). Kino explained that it doesn’t matter if you can’t lift up into a handstand right away. Even if you ‘send the pelvis forward’ and keep hovering on your tippy-toes, you’re building the strength that will allow you to eventually lift up. Kino told us that this is what she did this for 5 years before she she was able to lift.

She’s not a fan of using a wall for handstands (or any balances) because the body begins to negotiate balance based on the wall and you can become dependent on it. (I can vouch for this from my experience with headstand). Instead, work in the middle of the room most of the time and perhaps try the support of the wall once a week.

Day 30

I did it. I made it to Day 30.

It was not a happy-go-lucky, easy practice this morning. In fact, it's amazing that I practised at all, given how I was feeling. But I did - I practised for an hour and a half, just as I always do. It's certainly a testament to the power of habit and routine.

You know that old saying that it takes 21 days to form a habit? Apparently, that's just a myth, loosely based on a study done in the 70s. But software developers offer '30 day trials' in the hopes that the software will become so habitual that the user will fork over money for a licence.

Well, I've had my 30 day trial of the Ashtanga Primary Series and here are some thoughts:

It's a routine
Every night, I leave my mat out (after my short evening practice) and also lay out clothing, props, and Mysore rug for my practice the next morning. Then I go to sleep. After I get back from my walk in the morning, all I have to do is hop into my yoga clothes and I'm ready to go. Even if I don't feel like practising after my walk, everything is just THERE and it's beckoning to me. So I just do it. It's no great feat of will power, really. It's just a routine.

Meditation
I've been meditating for years, but it ebbs and flows. Over the past month, I combined my meditation practice with my Ashtanga routine - I meditate for a brief period following my practice. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn't, but I almost always meditate. Interestingly, I find myself meditating other times too - to centre myself after brunch in a noisy restaurant, in the evening before bed. I've started meditating because I *want* to.

Strength
I've already written about the numerous comments about the muscle tone in the arms. From a purely practical standpoint, I'm noticing new strength and I'm using it in my day-to-day life: everything from carrying my folding bike around to lifting myself from a seated to standing position to carrying heavy boxes.

Cravings
Put simply, I crave the bad stuff less. I had already been on a 'sugar-free' diet before I started doing this, but I've found myself craving junk food a lot less. When I do break down and eat it, it doesn't taste as good to me. I crave food that's good for me, like veggies and rice and fruit. This has all led to...

Weight loss
I'm pretty sure that Ashtanga is responsible for boosting my metabolism which, in turn, allowed me to shed some extra weight I had been carrying around for about a year. It would be dishonest of me if I didn't mention this very-much-appreciated, but not necessarily expected benefit of this system of yoga. I certainly don't want my three readers to get the impression that this is the primary motivation for my practice, but I'm not exactly missing that weight either. ;-)

Asana
I've had some gains and a few setbacks, but overall, I think my practice is stronger. The true test will come in the fall, when I return to study with my teachers. What interests me the most is whether my skills in the poses of the Primary Series will transfer to some of the other poses I've been struggling with.

Will power
There is definitely something pretty special about doing this thing with such regularity over the past month. As I go through my days, I know that I've already done something challenging in the morning, so the rest of the day doesn't feel as hard. I've also been getting up early for my practice, which structures my days and seems to pave the way for more productivity in the morning and early afternoon.

Anyways, all of that is just a distraction from the real story, which is how bad my practice sucked this morning. Ladies Holiday is on the near horizon and my low back hurt so much. I modified a lot:

I blew off Supta Konasana and did Supta Baddha Konasana instead (and my lower back felt SO much better after that)
I didn't roll up into Ubhaya Padangustasana and Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasana, instead opting to do come into them from Navasana
I blew off the entire shoulderstand series in closing and just did Viparita Karani against the wall.

Some days, it's not a great practice, or even a good practice, but just a plain old practice and that's fine too.

Day 25

The 'Shape Shifting Edition'

With the 'teeny ashtangi' thread going full-throttle over on the Ashtanga message board, now seems to be an opportune time to talk about yoga, weight loss and the changes I've seen in my body during the month I've been practising the Ashtanga primary series daily.

I'm no stranger to regular yoga practice - I've had a daily yoga practice (Hatha, Vinyasa, Anusara) for 10+ years. As a full-time yoga teacher, I also teach anywhere from five to fifteen classes per week. I'm in good shape and not remotely overweight, though I do notice when I put on a few additional pounds. Last year, during a stressful period, I consoled myself with muffins and I put on some weight.

I guess you could say I got a muffin top! ;-)

This spring I made some simple lifestyle changes in order to speed my metabolism (which is slowing down as I near my 40s): I started walking for an hour every day and cut out sugar completely. I was already seeing a moderate weight loss from those changes when I decided to add a daily Ashtanga practice to my routine. Since I started this practice, I've seen some dramatic changes in my body that I can't attribute to diet and walking alone. Simply put, the shape of my body is changing:

Weight-loss
I have, in fact, lost some weight. Whether it's due to diet, walking, Ashtanga or the combination of the three is anyone's guess. I suspect the walking fuels the Ashtanga (it gets me up in the morning) which fuels the diet (I don't seem to crave junk food as much when I'm practising vinyasa). I don't know how much I've lost because I don't weigh myself. Instead, I use my favourite blue Capri pants as a measure. This winter, I couldn't get into them, in the spring they zipped but didn't button, now they're slightly tight but I can wear them.

Top-heavy?
From the waist down, I'm shrinking, but from the waist up, it's a different story. Many of my shirts are now too small, and this despite the fact that I've gone down nearly a cup size in my bust. Specifically, I've gained some brand new muscle mass in my arms and broadened in the shoulders. A few shirts that I bought last summer no longer fit properly due to my new, 'buff' physique.

“Baby, I love your arms!”
The first time it happened, I thought it was a fluke (a complete stranger complimented me on my arms and asked if I lift weights). But last night, a close friend said almost exactly the same thing. I was showing her the rash on my arms (yeah, I love to show off my nasty rash to people in pubs) and she suddenly commented on the 'definition' in my arms. Of course, I responded by doing flexing and doing my best Charles Atlas impersonation. ;-) Seriously, though, I've noticed it too. I'm stronger; lifting things is less of a chore. I have no doubt at all that this new strength is derived from doing Chaturanga Dandasana a kazillion times every morning.

But back to the 'teeny ashtangi' issue (which revolves around weight, self-image, and whether one's size impedes yoga practice): Having practised yoga for many years, I can say with certainty that dedicated practice has changed the way I view my body and the altered the importance I assign to physical appearance. I think a strong, properly focused yoga practice can cultivate self-acceptance. I have round-bodied students who have beautiful, advanced yoga practices. I have slender students who can't touch their toes, but express incredible grace and beauty in their asanas. Bottom line: I don't think it matters what your BMI is *and* I don't think it really matters how flexible you are either.

Seriously.

Yoga is about moving the body, mindfully. Period.

From a strictly physical standpoint, moving, stretching, and building strength are all things that make us healthier. Movement increases blood flow (bringing a sense of well-being and health to the internal organs), lubricates joints (alleviating stiffness), lengthens muscle (which prevents injury), and builds muscle mass (to better support the joints and increase quality of life). The mindfulness aspects developed in yoga practice carry over into daily life, increasing tolerance to stress, ability to 'stay in the moment', gratitude, joy and self-acceptance.

I continue to reap these benefits from my yoga practice, regardless of the style I'm practising (though I do find that a daily practice is the best way to cultivate the benefits of yoga).

And on that topic, I had a great practice today. I felt comfortable and unrushed and for the first time, my hour-and-a-half Ashtanga practice felt smooth and graceful. And I was able to bind in Marichyasana D on the right side! The straight-legs-into-headstand project is going well. I'm not there yet, but I'm feeling stronger.