Impossible things

My attitude about my practice has taken an enormous shift since I started practising in DT's room. Suddenly, I want - REALLY want - to master all of these complicated, difficult things in my practice, the stuff I avoided before. Mainly it's because she makes everything look easy and fun and seamless, but also because she always comes up with a good answer when I ask 'why' (and I'm allowed to ask why, something I didn't feel comfortable doing in the more traditional rooms I've practised in).

Floaty jumpbacks always seemed like window dressing to me, but after that workshop on Sunday, I finally *get it*. Floaty vinyasas, in of themselves, are not important, BUT the strength and control required to achieve them is. Because the strength balances out all of the flexibility. Because the vinyasa linking each pose is like a glue, holding everything together. And because this balance keeps the practice sustainable, helps prevent injuries and is an important preparation for Advanced (if I ever get there...).

So I'm taking Lolasana way more seriously, doing it as often as possible in my Intermediate practice and holding it for as long as possible. I'm now looking back at all those wasted years of Primary Series with regret - I could have been *rocking* all of that vinyasa! That's okay - I'll make up for lost time on Fridays! :-D

I'm also spending more time in handstand. I usually do three handstands against the wall, right before Bakasana. Yesterday, DT wandered over and pointed out that I'm bringing too much weight into the heels of my hands. When she corrected it, my entire balance shifted forward and my body slammed into the wall. BLURG.

Today, she wanted me to lift out of my shoulders. She demonstrated, coming into a handstand herself, mimicking what I was doing, then doing it correctly (it was actually pretty funny - I was cringing at the demonstration of 'my handstand'! Yeesh, am I really THAT floppy?!). I finally got it, though. It's kind of a lengthening of the inseam of the legs upwards, as if the feet were going to stand on the ceiling. DT said, "It's Tadasana, upside-down!" It *did* feel lighter and more controlled..

Later on in the day, I was on the floor playing fetch with Princess Fur when I suddenly had this 'OMG-handstand-epiphany'. We've already established that when I bring the weight into my fingers, my weight shifts toward the wall. And whenever I do it, I have this disconcerting feeling that I'll fall over backwards. I remembered that I used to feel *exactly* the same way about headstand, but I had to get over it because that shift is what makes it possible to lift the legs into a pike.

*lightbulb!*

I tried it and it totally works in handstand too! I've been trying to lift my legs into a handstand for *years*. I always knew it was possible, but I couldn't figure out how it was done. For me, 'bringing the weight into the fingers' is the missing piece of that puzzle.

So I've been doing handstands all day like a silly kid! :-) Beautiful day too - sunshine and blue skies. I wonder if I'll be able to drudge up the courage this summer to start working on handstands away from the wall, maybe on the grass in the park? Hm...


This photo is from yesterday - scary skies over my city as the thunderstorms moved through.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Hatha

I slept for 11 hours uninterrupted last night! This is so rare. I can’t remember the last time I slept for so long. During my extended slumber, I think my brain grew tired of being creative. My dreaming became too familiar. I thought: ‘This is like déjà vu!’ And it actually was! It was the *exact* same dream from earlier in the night. My brain was going into reruns!

I guess my brain only generates 7 hours of good material!

I woke up stiff and groggy, but I know this sleep was good for me. Clearly, I needed rest! I just hope I can sleep tonight. Too often, long sleeps leave me with insomnia the following night.

My baking adventures today were an Epic FAIL. I totally botched the Blueberry Crumble Squares. They’re terrible! I must have made a mistake when I doubled the recipe. It could have been the nutmeg too - last time I used pumpkin pie spice and they were fine. Anyway, they’re going in the garbage. Yeah, it’s *that* dire.Yuck. What a waste of blueberries!

It means I’ll be waking early to bake muffins in the morning. I’m baking blueberry walnut muffins, to stay with the theme. I’m confident in my Muffin Madskillz, so I’m sure they’ll turn out fine.

I didn’t do yoga this morning, but by 5 p.m., I was getting really twitchy! I did a short Hatha practice: Classic sun salutations, some standing poses (Iyengar style) and hip openers. I did lots of work with Supta Padangusthasana, first with a strap, then holding on to my big toe. I repeated the pose about 5 times in various configurations.

At least 3 repetitions were done Astanga-style. I’m exploring the limits of my newly-healed hamstring, trying to delinieate the ‘discomfort boundary’. It’s somewhere between the natural tightness in a muscle that hasn’t been stretched very much over the past month and the scar tissue of the injury itself. It’s tricky, but my flexibility and range of motion is returning the more I use it.

I played around with some inversions. Since stepping away from a more diverse Vinyasa practice over the past year, I haven’t done Pinchamayurasana or handstand very much. I was curious to see if these poses were still accessible to me. My Pincha isn’t bad, actually. I’m wobbly and I’ve lost all sense of where my body is in space, but I had more control than I did the last time I played around in the pose. In some respects, I’m much stronger! Hello, Bandhas!

Handstand is GONE. It was never my forte anyway. When I practised Anusara, it was my most-feared pose (way back before I met ‘Standing up from a Backbend’). I used the wall today because I didn’t want to flip and break furniture. It wasn’t scary at all, it just felt foreign to me.

I didn’t practice backbends, but I did hang over the blanket box for 7 minutes.

This week’s State-of-the-Backbend was shot yesterday. I also took a photo the day before. I’m posting both of them here, just to illustrate the day-to-day variation I find in my backbends.

Workshop

It’s Kino Weekend! It started last night with chanting and a demonstration (which I couldn’t attend because I was working at the soup kitchen) and continued with Mysore-style practice this morning (which I had to opt out of because I teach on Saturday mornings). But I did make it to the afternoon strength workshop.

I took copious notes during the workshop and I’ve transcribed these, trying to flesh them out with details and some context. I didn’t make any videos or take photographs during this first workshop.

From the opening remarks:

-Strength comes from Shraddha (Sanskrit for faith). Strength is a decision of the mind.
-The hips contain our centre of gravity so when we shift them radically in space, our balance is destablized and that’s where much of the fear comes from.
-You whole body is a network. There is a synergistic effect; the whole body *must* participate

Setting up the structure - building a strong plank

Come into Table Pose (on your hands and knees):

1) Wrists aligned under shoulders, wide fingers ‘clawing’ the floor (rooting down particularly through the mound of the index finger)
2) Creases of the elbows are angled at 45 degrees forward
3) Gaze is at the floor, chin moves away from the chest
4) Broaden the collarbones, pull the shoulders back (the shoulderblades move down the back)
5) Inhale, as you exhale pull the sternum up into the space between the shoulderblades
6) Inhale, as you exhale, pull the lower ribs down and together to close off that space (action of the serratus anterior muscles)
7) Engage Uddiyana Bandha
7) Tuck the tailbone. From this action, step the legs back one at a time to a plank position (you’ll feel a sense of lift through the length of the body)

(From here, we worked with partners. Once the ‘structure’ was set, we leaned onto our partner’s upper back (near the shoulderblades) to test the stability, both in Table Pose and Plank).

‘Up’ happens! (Jump back/through)

The first step is to build a foundation, a structure. Then you can move forward into that foundation and ‘up’ happens!

This is your mantra when moving your pelvis in space: I SEND MY PELVIS FORWARD (she repeated this again and again, and applied it to *everything*, even in some movement where it seemed counterintuitive).

The key to these exercises is taking it very slowly and ‘walking’ the feet in tiny tippy-toe baby-steps instead of actually jumping (even if you already can). The goal is to maintain the ‘structure’ created in Table Pose (above) and initiate movements of the pelvis from this base of strength.

Jumpthroughs:
1) Set up the structure (Table to Plank, as above)
2) Walk the feet forward, moving the pelvis forward until the feet bump up to the arms/hands
3) Wiggle the feet through (I found this was the most difficult part!)
4) LIFT, extend the legs forward
5) Lower down with control

Jumpbacks:
1) From Dandasana, bring the hands about one hand-length forward of the hips
2) Shift the weight forward and lift up. Send the pelvis forward, as in, sending the pelvis back and then UP in a circle (as if you would lift into a handstand)
3) Wiggle the feet back through the arms
4) Lift just one foot up (the other can remain on the floor), then bend the arms (as in Chaturanga)
5) Step the feet back one at a time, then straighten the arms

Jumping from Bakasana into Chaturanga: Same principles apply: I SEND MY PELVIS FORWARD. The pelvis moves up and forward (as if to lift into a handstand) but then shoot the feet back.

Sirsasana (Headstand): It was interesting to see Kino’s ‘mantra’ applied there. When I do the pose, I really do ‘send my pelvis forward’. This allows me to shift my centre of gravity towards the floor in front me and my legs float up smoothly. I apply the same technique to coming down. When I teach it, I encourage my students to work with gravity by moving the pelvis forward to offer a counter-weight to the legs, allowing the legs to lift (I guess my mantra is: “Gravity is your friend’. How Newtonian of me!).

Handstand: Same principle as headstand (but it’s SO much harder - at least for me!). Kino explained that it doesn’t matter if you can’t lift up into a handstand right away. Even if you ‘send the pelvis forward’ and keep hovering on your tippy-toes, you’re building the strength that will allow you to eventually lift up. Kino told us that this is what she did this for 5 years before she she was able to lift.

She’s not a fan of using a wall for handstands (or any balances) because the body begins to negotiate balance based on the wall and you can become dependent on it. (I can vouch for this from my experience with headstand). Instead, work in the middle of the room most of the time and perhaps try the support of the wall once a week.

Day 9

Hot practice today - I was sweating a lot. Half-way through the practice, I broke out in a weird rash (little red spots all over my arms and legs). It's gone now. I'm wondering if that was a heat rash?!

Ardha Baddha Padma Padottanasana was much easier today! I was able to bind easily on the left side and was able to stand up straighter as I was doing it. I got my hand to the floor. I was able to put my block down to a lower level on the right side. Marichyasana D was not happening for me at all (I think my binding that one day was a fluke). I didn't bind on either side, but Marichyasana A and B felt particularly good. I'm really digging Marichyasana B!

Handstand: for the first time in a long time, I choked in handstand and actually hit the back of my head on the wall in the process of falling out. Finally got up on a second try and was very well-balanced then, but it was getting up there that took some work. This is very strange, and left me unsettled.

Backbends: The first one was all “Uh oh!” and I almost gave up, but instead I tried again. Backbend #2 was all “Hey, not bad!” and #3 was “Open for business”. Try, try, try again.

I used the Swenson book as reference for a few poses. For Kurmasana, I used a strap to help me experience 'binding'.

I did a modification that wasn't in the book, but it sure helped (and the book inspired it): I brought my shins against the wall and held my knees in Urdhva Padmasana - first time I've been able to do this (I always feel like I'm going to collapse).

I also did some pretty good jumpthroughs using blocks. I’m getting the hang of it, but take the blocks away and I'm back to square one. Also, I got tired halfway in and sort of gave up on it. Baby steps...

Meditation: I spend ten minutes in meditation today. The first five were really hard - I was very distracted, then distracted some more. With 2.5 minutes left, I was ready to give up, but decided to try again for those last few minutes. As I moved passed my resistance, I thought suddenly of a difficult time I was going through a few years ago. I had fleeting thought of anger about someone, then remembered a kind gesture she made in the midst of a lot of ugliness. I could feel all these emotions bubbling up and I burst into tears. I cried for awhile and then meditation was over.