Astanga

When I first ventured out of my little home-practice-cave into the larger Astanga world, I think a motivating factor was my hunger for a community. I didn’t really care about the adjustments (Hatha adjustments are so tame, I really didn’t know what I was missing!). Travelling to another space for practice definitely wasn’t a draw. I was happy with my solitary practice and had even found motivation for a six-day practice on my own. But my encounters in the Astanga Blogosphere piqued my interest in other practitioners and their experiences. It made me hungry for connection.

Because I love this practice, I enjoy talking about it with others. I’m a perpetual student: I love learning new things. Hearing about the experiences of others shifts my perspective, shakes up my convictions. These conversations are particularly fruitful when I’m talking to practitioners who are coming from a radically different place in their practice - whether it’s different teachers or different styles, traditions or methodology. And when asked to defend my own beliefs about this practice, I find myself digging deep, excavating my knowledge and conceptualizing it. I learn so much about myself in this process. I uncover the limitations of my understanding. I grow.

Also: We Ashtangis are a quirky lot. Many of us are vegetarian or vegan. We eat supper early, if at all. We go to bed early. We get up early. The commitment to our practice forces us to make tough choices about things like double-chocolate cheesecake, Too Much Wine and dancing ’til the wee hours.

I’ve heard all the ‘cult’ jokes, but there’s some truth to it! There’s a language around the practice (not just Sanskrit!) and a lifestyle that emerges from our commitment to it. My ‘civilian friends’ often don’t get why I would want to stand up from a backbend, or put my leg behind my head. The subtle and not so subtle changes that come from practising Astanga are better understood by people who also do the practice. When I went through my CrazyPants week a while back, my regular friends were mystified, but I found comfort and encouragement from others in the Astanga community who had experienced similar challenges.

I’m not exactly sure what I expected from my shala experiment, but my experience so far has been a mixed bag. Though there is definitely a sense of camaraderie that comes with practising near the same people day after day after day, we often don’t talk. We can’t! We’re practising! And then we’re leaving. I’ve genuinely treasured the few conversations I’ve had with shala-mates before or after practice, but they have been few and far between. I know that I hoped to make some friends out of this.

I love the idea of a ‘yoga community’, where people can practice together and also come together outside of the practice. I’m aware that there are two schools of thought around this. Some people believe the experience of our practice should remain private and not be talked about at length with others, that doing so may even be harmful. It’s been suggested that discussing the practice can fuel comparison and competition. Some teachers even discourage viewing YouTube videos and DVDs for the same reason.

But others view the practice as a catalyst for connection - both with other practitioners and the world at large. In terms of establishing a regular practice, there’s great value in community. I doubt I could have stuck it out for so many years without the encouragement and advice offered by readers of my blog. In a sense, my blog has become part of my practice - writing about it has helped me grow as a practitioner. I hope that my encouragement has helped others to grow their practice. This thing we do, six days a week, is not easy! Being in the ‘same boat’ with other practitioners is helpful.

In Yoga Mala, Guruji talks about the power of speech and says: “...it is not good to talk too much. By talking too much, the power inherent in the tongue decreases and the power of speech is destroyed. when the power is speech is destroyed, our words, too, lose their power...” But he also goes on to say that ‘speaking of spiritual matters increases the tongue’s power’.

I’m not certain that an all-or-nothing approach is useful. I think there’s a balance to be struck, a middle-ground between idly gossiping about our practices and finding comfort and inspiration in each other’s experiences. Genuine connection with other people is a spiritual act. It brings us together, connects us to the greater whole. Beyond the edge of our Mandukas, there’s a big, wide world out there. We have a choice. We can choose to leave the energy generated by our practice on the mat or we can take it with us out into the world. I believe a supportive community can help us do that.

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Today’s practice: Technically a day off, but I hit the mat for a ‘criminal’ second series practice. Primary through Marichyasana D, then Intermediate to Laghu Vajrasana and the finishing poses. Five backbends today and a State-of-the-Backbend photo:

Eek! My hips look *less* open. For awhile, I was making such fantastic progress opening my hips, I’m frustrated to find myself regressing. But I finally figured it out: cycling. I give up my monthly transit pass in the summer in favour of riding my bicycle to the classes I teach. My hips always get a bit tighter in the summer months; it’s a tradeoff. I’ll need to do more hip openers to counter this.

Astanga

I’ve been struck with incredible insomnia this week, which is *not* normal for me.

I’m a good sleeper! I’m usually able to lay down and slumber within minutes. I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere. I used to sleep so deeply in Astronomy lectures during university that I would dream, vividly, Classmates would have to wake me when the lecture ended. I took naps in the university library regularly. While travelling through Europe, I slept in busy train stations, on the decks of ferries, in parks. The location didn’t matter - if I could be horizontal, I could sleep.

I like to sleep! :-) And I’m good at it!

But this week, all my normal sleeping patterns have shifted. Through much of the week, I was getting the bare minimum hours of rest each night (except for the night I took a pill, but that left me with a wicked pharmaceutical hangover, yuck). Every night, I’m struggling to fall asleep and I’ve been waking in the middle of the night.

My teachers want me to cook - well, it looks like I’m simmering! And my nervous system is having a Pitta Party! Wise Ashtangi friends have pointed out that backbending is the likely culprit. And I’m not even close to Second Series yet...argh.

I bought some sublingual melatonin on Boodi’s recommendation and I’ll try that tonight. To be honest, I’m so completely loopy exhausted right now, I doubt sleep will be an issue tonight.

Last night, I came home at the respectable hour of 10 p.m., but I didn’t even try to go to bed until midnight. Then I laid in my bed, glaring at the ceiling until almost 2 a.m. At 5 a.m. sharp, I was wide awake and ready to rumble! On three hours sleep! I could NOT sleep in, even though I desperately wanted to.

So I got up and practised. I had planned to do a home practice of Primary on the Moon Day, but I wasn’t motivated, so I did it today. I don’t always feel comfortable experimenting and futzing around with poses in the Shala. I wanted to work out a few things in Marichyasana B and D, play with Bakasana/Padmasana jumpbacks and work on my backbending.

I’ve been troubled by the placement of my ankle lately in Mari B/D. As much as I try to keep that joint straight, I know I’m over-stretching the ligaments on the outside of my ankle. Today, I tried a few different approaches with my half-lotus and repeated the pose a half-dozen times. I finally figured out that if I bring my foot *really* high into the hip crease and open the hip just a bit more, there’s less of an angle at the ankle joint.

This had a small impact on my Marichyasana B: I couldn’t go as deep into the forward fold (but that will come back in time). I was afraid I would lose the wrist bind completely in Marichyasana D. To my surprise, I found the wrist bind *easier* with the deeper half-lotus! Often, R has to nudge me into this bind, but I found my wrist easily today. This could be a fluke, though. I’ll know for sure when I repeat it in the Shala tomorrow.

The jumpback work was really fun! I’m starting to really get the hang of the lotus jumpback! I tried holding Bakasana for a few seconds to make the jumpback more solid. I’m still struggling to come into a hold-able Bakasana from Bhujapidasana and Supta K. My legs never end up high enough near my shoulders to make the proper transition into the arm balance.

Backbending: Three Urdhva Dhanurasana for warm-up, two for rocking, two more walking in the hands in, and three walking up the wall to standing. Ten, total. R doesn’t seem to want me to do more than that, so I stopped and did finishing poses.

Here’s this week’s State-of-the-backbend:

I had very low expectations since I had a bad week and the Moon Day, but I actually see some improvement! My arms could be straighter though.

Astanga

I appear to have reached out and grabbed that New Moon and now I’m swinging along, riding its energy. I feel bouncy!

I woke up before the alarm this morning and wanted to practice, so I did. It was an interesting experiment because this is the first time I’ve practised the full Primary Series on my own at home, since I started going to the Shala. It was good! No music, no recording to lead me, just my breath and the city skyline out my picture window, sunshine streaming in and Princess Fur snoozing contentedly in her basket.

My practice has changed in the past month. Everything is a little bit deeper. My hips are more open, the hamstrings have opened up a LOT. But the biggest change I noticed: Ujjayi. I breath LOUDLY. Holy! Just one month of Teacher R’s good-natured nagging (“Big Sound! Big Sound!”) has turned me into one of those loud breathers. Don’t get me wrong, there are many at the Shala who can drown me out easily, but in my tiny apartment, I could HEAR my breath.

And there were the distractions! With no teacher watching, I was much more prone to fussing and fidgeting. I managed to stay very focused right up until Supta Kurmasana. Then I was messing around with trying to get that left leg behind my back. I sort of lost momentum there. I could do it, but getting my right leg behind my back was too challenging. I ended up placing the left leg, lowering down, crossing the right ankle over left. I still managed the bind though. I’m looking forward to getting some help with this at the Shala. I think the teachers will be game for it - Teacher P was encouraging me to cross my ankles before binding the other day.

My two big breakthroughs - the wrist bind in Marichyasana D and the heel lift in Kurmasana (I almost typed ‘hell lift’ there; that’s what it feels like!) were repeatable today. I was watching Kino’s Primary DVD last night (yeah, that was my Big Excitement for Moon Day Eve - that and a hot bath). I noticed that when binding in the Marichyasanas, she tried to straighten the non-binding arm and, if possible, tuck that hand around the leg to get some leverage. I tried that today and it really made a difference in both Marichyasana C and D (C was just easier and in D, The lotus knee sank closer to the floor).

I did three backbends, which I filmed for posterity (but not public scrutiny). I also did a film of my jumpbacks/throughs and surprised myself with a jumpthrough that didn’t touch down - I straightened my legs and lowered! Kind of funny that I’m all obsessed with my jumpbacks, but it’s the jumpthroughs that are improving!

Vinyasa

Theoretically, today should have been easy peasy. No classes to teach, no place I needed to be. Theoretically.

But, in fact, I had to finish some work in the morning, then errands: Stop by the post office, drop off rent cheques at my landlord's office and battle public transit to get home in time to stop by my neighbour's place to meet the her cats (as one of the few people in this city who doesn't travel someplace exciting for the holiday, I'm the Cat Sitter of Choice in the neighbourhood).

And then Princess Fur needed her holiday fur-cut (I'm now getting the 'silent treatment' from the Princess, who doesn't appreciate the clippers).

I needed to eat lunch. *burp*

And then I remembered that I still hadn't ordered my mom's Christmas present. I wanted to check that one off my list because I double over with guilt-pangs each time I see someone pass me on the sidewalk with gifts and wrapping paper.

I promised to work a shift at the soup kitchen tonight.

And yoga? Oh yes, yoga! THAT yoga! Of *course* I'm going to do yoga. Ummm...just as soon as I can find space to unroll my mat in the chaos of my apartment and locate a spare 10 minutes.

Today, it's a short, simple practice: 5 Surya Namaskara A, 3 Surya Namaskara B.

Sometimes, that's the best I can do (Seriously, I cannot WAIT until things slow down a bit).

Hatha

I decided to start the week off right with an overabundance of sleep. I slept in until 8 (late for me!) and then scrambled around trying to get my morning stuff completed before I left for my noon class.

I didn't do my practice until the afternoon. My left hip has been really bothering me lately - not an injury really. It's more like a constant cramping sensation, the kind you get if you've been sitting in one place for too long. Except, I can feel it when I'm walking around and it's *yucky*.

Argh.

So I did a Hatha practice of hip openers and spent a lot of time in Eka Pada Raj Kapotanasana (Pigeon Pose) today. My hip felt better afterward, but now it feels crampy again. Might be Astanga growing pains...?

I'm going to take my crampy hip to ice hockey tonight and see if that snaps it out of its funk! A few body checks will do it some good (just *kidding* - my league is non-contact, or it's *supposed* to be!).

Today was busy, busy, busy again. I spent the afternoon catching up on all the stuff I wasn't able to get to over the weekend, because I was busy.

It's a shame because it was such a pleasant, quasi-snowy, drowsy day. I would have loved to just sit by the window and read a good book. Maybe tomorrow?

Hatha

I'm SO tired. My sleep schedule is completely out of whack right now. This morning, I decided to get up at the regular time and meditate, even though I only had 5 hours of sleep. By the afternoon, I was dragging and needed a nap. I'm glad that I saved my yoga practice for later in the day because it's the only thing that managed to wake me up.

I did my own simple Hatha sequence, the one I give my students when they're trying to build a home practice. It starts out light, with forward bends, moves into the 'classic' version of sun salutations, a few standing poses and hip openers to wind down. I didn't get to the hip openers, but I did drink some tea.

And I'm feeling a bit better.

Goal for the weekend: normalize my sleep schedule. Amazing that one sleepless night could throw me off so completely!

Hatha

Today was an odd day. I had the day off from teaching and thank goodness I did because I was feeling a bit under the weather. I'm not sure if this means I'm actually sick though - I often get these 'low energy phases' in the fall and winter. And yes, it could also be the New Moon, though I don't really pay attention to those things.

In the morning, I slept in, took the dog for a long walk down at the university (I let her run around off-leash, she was in *heaven*), then came home feeling thoroughly exhausted. I laid down, thinking I would rest for a bit and fell into a deep sleep. I woke over three hours later. Bizarre.

Still didn't feel much like practising, so I caught up on some work. I was reviewing a list of goals I had set for the year and noticed that 'knit a hat' was on that list. Since fall is nearly here (and boy, it felt like it today!), I wondered if courses might be starting. Googling proved me right - a 'knit a hat' course was starting up, in fact, this very evening. I very spontaneously decided to give it a go, quickly washed up, jumped on my bike and rode down the knitting shop.

Gosh, what fun! I do know how to knit scarves, but hats always seemed out of reach because of the decreasing thing. It's much easier than I thought and like all classes, I received some good tips and the teacher corrected a few of my bad habits (apparently, I've been knitting wrong for years!).

I finally did my practice in the evening. I did a 45 minute free-form Hatha practice. It's fun to do this every so often - just start practising and see where the flow takes you. I always start out thinking I'll be on the mat for 10 minutes and stay for much longer. No pranayama today. Meditation finally happened right before bed.

Astanga

Morning practice today, but not a great one. I have a lot on my mind and sadly, I let my worry interfere with my practice. I was rushed, so I cut my practice short at half-primary.

Somewhere around the Marichyasanas, I turned off the recording of Sharath, which I've been practising with to hone up my vinyasa, and went solo. It was nice - really nice. In fact, the silence smoothed away some of my anxiety.

I seem to go through phases with this. I've gone through periods of practising with DVDs because I work harder, hold the poses for the right duration and don't get off track (that's where I've been for a couple of months now). While other times, I find that practising in silence (or with music), led by my own breath, works better for me.

No judgement, both methods are good.

My Lady's Holiday is on the horizon. I know it is because I'm feeling pudgy and I've been struck with 'weepy PMS.' I was on the subway with the dog this morning and she was getting abundant attention from all the dog lovers around. When the friendly dog lovers left, I was horrified to find myself on the verge of tears...over strangers! I was feeling sentimental because they were so *nice*. Same thing happened later when a polite child asked if she could pet my dog. She was so gentle and caring that...*sniff*. Ah...crazy hormones!

Because of my impending Lady's, I haven't signed up for Sharath's workshop yet, and don't know when I will. I'm aware that I may miss my chance - some of those days are probably sold out already. Next week would probably be fine. My plan was to go on Sunday, but I have a feeling that Sunday is out.

I'm feeling unmotivated and lethargic, so I don't feel like making decisions, which isn't helping.

Astanga

Camping, Day 1 (This post was written and posted on my return)

By nature, I'm a planner. I like all my ducks in a row before I march them, in tight formation, into the Wild Blue Yonder. The beginning of any adventure involves lists, many lists. I was consulting my lists right up until the moment we left the city and I was having a *great* time. I love a good list! I picked up our rental car in the morning, right on schedule, loaded it with carefully packed provisions and we were on the road within an hour.

It was great! I did all the driving. For all my mutterings about automobiles and the environment and eensy weensy carbon footprints, I absolutely LOVE to drive. It's my secret shame. I haven't owned a car in over 10 years, but I frequently get driving envy. Driving down an open highway on a sunny day evokes fond memories of my wild and crazy 20s, when I zipped around the eastern United States for my job. Road trips make me happy.

It took us three hours to reach the camp ground and I was in a good mood. It had been overcast all day, but as we pulled into the entrance, the clouds parted to reveal sunshine. Setting up camp took just over an hour, including the tarp over the picnic table (which we would need later on that night because it rained).

And then it was time for fun! The possibilities were endless. A swim, perhaps? Kayaking? Maybe a hike in the woods? No, none of those. I wanted to do yoga.

We headed down to the lake and as my travelling companion headed to the beach, I unrolled my mat at an overlook with a view of the water.


So far, so good. I started my sun salutations, but I soon realized that I was attracting some annoying visitors: mosquitoes the size of small dogs were converging on my exposed flesh. ARGH!

(Mosquitos don't tend to bite me. I'm told this is because I don't eat red meat or chicken. However, they do like to buzz around, land on me and check out the lay of the land. They were driving me NUTS. Near the end of the weekend, they started to overcome their abhorrence of my eating habits and bite me in earnest. Still, I only have about 5 bits to everyone else's 50. I totally lucked out.)

After the standing poses, I needed a break. It's more than enough for me to try to focus on Ujjayi breathing, the Bandhas, and my Drishte without the additional concern of slapping the bugs off my legs and shoulders. We walked back to the campground and it was better there. I managed to finish my practice with minimal slapping.

All weekend, I practised the full Primary Series with some modifications. The main change I made was skipping Kurmasana and Supta Kurmasana. I've become less squeamish over the years and it no longer bothers me if my mat gets a bit dirty. But skidding my heels into the rough dirt of the campsite triggered fastidious overload and my Princess Gene kicked in. I did Yin Butterfly instead. I also skipped Setu Bandhasana because I'm going through a phase of hating that pose and I wasn't going to let Setu ruin my vacation.

Sirsasana was a blast. Practising outdoors has given my confidence a boost in this pose and I came up into it smoothly (the dog is completely unimpressed).


I did Savasana in the tent while the mosquitos bashed themselves against the mesh in frustration.