Day 14

I'm an astanga rebel: today is a 'moon day' when most Ashtangis traditionally take a day off of practice and I practised anyway! It was really good, though fairly unremarkable. I seem to be settling into some sort of comfort zone with the practice now - it feels challenging but welcoming to me.

Marichyasana A and B are both completely comfortable. Marichyasana C not so much, but it's coming along.

Jump throughs are fairly consistent, using the blocks on their second highest level. At one point, they were on the lowest level and I was having trouble so I switched them back.

My back was NOT open today and Urdhva Danurasana was really, really difficult.

Sirsasana was its usual bliss. I really, really don't need that wall. From now on, I'm going to pretend the wall isn't there and not rely on it at all (unless I crash into it on my way down). I think my goal for Sirsasana this summer is to be completely free-standing by the time I return to H's class in the fall.

Day 13

Evening practice tonight, because I kept putting it off and doing (necessary) work on my computer. I actually wore my yoga clothes all day in anticipation!

By the time I was ready to practice, my computer was running a backup, so I couldn't use the DVD. For the first time since I started my primary series practice, I was 'on my own'. I was afraid that I would be sluggish and wouldn't build up tapas without the motivation of the DVD. I was surprised to find that I kept up a pretty good pace and sweated throughout the practice. I found that I focused on breath a LOT more on my own.

I didn't manage to get through the closing series in the hour-and-a-half I had allotted, but I did do some backbends (my back was VERY open), handstands and headstand.

I had a 'moment' in headstand. For a few minutes, I felt so stable and secure in the pose that it was literally as comfortable as standing in the middle of the room. I hit a real 'sweet spot' in the pose. I've been playing with coming up with straight legs - this puts a lot of tension on my neck and shoulders. I suspect I'm not yet strong enough in my core to handle this. Baby steps!

Savasana was, surprisingly, the hardest part - by this time my computer was finished, so I put BBB in the DVD player and let her walk me through Savasana.

Today is the day I would usually go to M's advanced Anusara class. Obviously, I didn't go. I may go next week - I'll think about it. For now, I feel really happy doing my primary series Sadhana. I think I will return to class this summer, but perhaps not right away.

Day 12

Another very warm practice. I'm getting used to sweating a lot as I practice. I sort of expect it now and even feel cheated if my body doesn't warm up as much as I would like. One thing I've noticed recently is that my hams are very, very tight - tighter than they used to be. I'm not sure why this is and they only seem tight in some postures - like seated forward bends.

Ever since my ill-fated handstand a few days ago (when I bumped my head on the wall), I seem to have come to a very strong place in my handstand practice. I kick up easily, I feel comfortable, confident and stable. Ditto with my headstands. I really don't need the wall anymore - it's a psychological crutch more than anything.

Cranky back today, but I still managed two backbends, again using the wall and blocks. I can come in really deep this way.

I've added two replacement postures: Eka Pada Raj Kapotanasana for Janu Sirsasana C and Hanumasana for Mirichyasana D. Hanumasana was on my New Year's resolution list, so I figured I'd better work on it.

Somewhat related to practice: I've definitely lost some weight. My camp pants are loose now (they were very tight just a couple of months ago) and my blue pants (which I use to determine if I'm at my 'ideal weight'; I don't own a scale) fit without a struggle. They're still a bit tight in the bum, but I'm getting there, slowly but surely!

Day 11

Today was so hot that I was soaked in sweat (from my walk) before I even started.

Arms felt better today and Sun Salutations were fabulous and floaty. I've been going very, very deep in Parsvottanasana - too bad I can't hold my hands in reverse Namaste for more than 2 seconds.

Janu Sirsasana C - I actually did this on the right side, with my leg propped up on a block. Who knew? I'm pretty sure it was a fluky moment.

Utthita Hasta Padangustasana: I'm feeling so comfortable in this pose now! I can totally balance and my leg is nearly straight. I ease the transition to the side by bending my leg as I open the hip, then re-extending the leg.

Bhuja Pindasana: I balanced really well in this one today, also in Bakasana.

Came into shoulderstand without doing Halasana first!

Also of note, in Urdhva Danurasana I worked with blocks against the wall to deepen the backbend. It was *incredible*!

Sirsasana is feeling better and better. I set up next to the wall, but I don't really 'need' the wall. If only I could convince my brain of that fact.

Day 10

Surya Namaskara B flowed like a river of prana today. I literally felt like a dancer as I moved from one posture to the next. That was the full extent of sukha (ease). Everything else felt like I was made of lead - in fact, I nearly quit halfway through today. I only stuck it out when I noticed that the primary series was nearly over.

As it was, I skipped some things and modified others. My low back was cranky, so I turned Paschimottanasama into an Supta Padagunsthasana with a strap and skipped Supta Upavista Konasana and Urdhva Mukha Paschimottanasama entirely (though I did do shoulder stand).

I'm finding all kinds of clever uses for blocks, but I didn't use them for jump throughs today because I wasn't doing jump throughs. Too tired. And my arms hurt - I was feeling the jump throughs in my back, probably because my arms were tired. My arms are still achy (I was really feeling it while teaching a corporate class today).

By the way, Tolasana with blocks? Rocks my world! I feel like an Amazon Goddess when I do that pose.

Day 9

Hot practice today - I was sweating a lot. Half-way through the practice, I broke out in a weird rash (little red spots all over my arms and legs). It's gone now. I'm wondering if that was a heat rash?!

Ardha Baddha Padma Padottanasana was much easier today! I was able to bind easily on the left side and was able to stand up straighter as I was doing it. I got my hand to the floor. I was able to put my block down to a lower level on the right side. Marichyasana D was not happening for me at all (I think my binding that one day was a fluke). I didn't bind on either side, but Marichyasana A and B felt particularly good. I'm really digging Marichyasana B!

Handstand: for the first time in a long time, I choked in handstand and actually hit the back of my head on the wall in the process of falling out. Finally got up on a second try and was very well-balanced then, but it was getting up there that took some work. This is very strange, and left me unsettled.

Backbends: The first one was all “Uh oh!” and I almost gave up, but instead I tried again. Backbend #2 was all “Hey, not bad!” and #3 was “Open for business”. Try, try, try again.

I used the Swenson book as reference for a few poses. For Kurmasana, I used a strap to help me experience 'binding'.

I did a modification that wasn't in the book, but it sure helped (and the book inspired it): I brought my shins against the wall and held my knees in Urdhva Padmasana - first time I've been able to do this (I always feel like I'm going to collapse).

I also did some pretty good jumpthroughs using blocks. I’m getting the hang of it, but take the blocks away and I'm back to square one. Also, I got tired halfway in and sort of gave up on it. Baby steps...

Meditation: I spend ten minutes in meditation today. The first five were really hard - I was very distracted, then distracted some more. With 2.5 minutes left, I was ready to give up, but decided to try again for those last few minutes. As I moved passed my resistance, I thought suddenly of a difficult time I was going through a few years ago. I had fleeting thought of anger about someone, then remembered a kind gesture she made in the midst of a lot of ugliness. I could feel all these emotions bubbling up and I burst into tears. I cried for awhile and then meditation was over.

Day 8

I practiced in the afternoon today because I slept in a bit before going to volunteer at the soup kitchen. I was good and warm by the time I got around to it and my back felt a thousand times better (even though it was cramping up as I was pouring milk for cereal this morning).

I did everything in first series except Janu Sirsasana C (replaced it with Sphinx). I even a modified version of Kurmasana.

In Marichyasana D, I was able to bind on the left side! This is very big for me. It's something that felt impossible to me last week. The right side will be more difficult, but it no longer seems impossible. I dare say I may bind in Supta Kurmasana sooner rather than later!

I felt great after practice today - very strong and calm. I meditated for 10 minutes.

Bought two yoga books today - one by Judith Lasater, “Living Your Yoga” and David Swenson's “Ashtanga Yoga: The Practice Manual”. I used to borrow a copy of the latter from a studio where I taught, but I don't teach there anymore (and the public library doesn't carry it). It's a tremendous resource and now that I'm doing the primary series every day, I think I will really benefit from it. I also put 'Yoga Mala' by Sri K. Pattabhi Jois on my library hold list. I had a look at this one while at the bookstore. It's not nearly as clear and well organised as Swenson's book, but it will give me some insight into the man who developed the practice.

Just an aside: while at the bookstore, I glanced at Bikram Chodhury's new book. It just about turned my stomach. He's such a massive egotist. This is a cautionary tale of yoga gone wrong. Very disturbing.