Day 21

The medication I'm on has an array of side effects. I've been lucky enough to have avoided most of them, but I am experiencing some joint pain. Perhaps because I'm very body aware, I notice the pain very specifically, in context to specific joints (my sacro-illiac joint and I have become quite intimate as of late...) and because I'm very active during the day, I feel achy mostly at night. I've tried various strategies to combat this pain (sometimes so intense that I can't sleep), including resorting to Tylenol before bed.

Last night, I spontaneously decided to go for a long walk in the evening and since yoga after my walk is a habit, I practised an additional half-hour of gentle yoga right before bed. I slept like a baby! And as an additional bonus, my morning ashtanga practice was incredible. My back hasn't felt this healthy in a month! Of course, it could be a fluke, but I'm going to repeat the experiment tonight. What do I have to lose?

I spend Sunday mornings volunteering at the soup kitchen and since this afternoon was supposed to be very hot and muggy, I was up very early to walk and do my yoga practice. When the alarm went off at 5 a.m., it took tremendous will power to get out of bed, but the beautiful, cool morning won me over - complete with a glorious sunrise and a waning crescent moon. I enjoyed every moment of my walk.

I started my practise at 6:30, but felt none of my usual early-morning stiffness. The first two sun salutations were rough (I had fleeting thoughts of 'Why am I doing this thing?!'), but the heat kicked in during Surya Namaskara B and I started to feel good. I had some moments where I completely lost my focus and a few times I actually became disoriented, but for the most part, the practice just flowed.

I'm coming to a point where I'm curious about my alignment in some of these poses. I'm familiar with the alignments from the traditions I teach and study (Hatha and Anusara), but I understand that Ashtanga is different. For example, I'm finally putting my foot flat on the floor in Parivritta Parsvakonasana (previously, I was on the ball of the foot). I feel more stable, but I can't come into as deep of a twist. I'm not sure how far the shoulder should be in front of the knee and I also seem to be hyperextending my elbow which just doesn't feel healthy to me. I'm thinking that it may be time for me to visit a led class down at the shala, in order to get some guidance and have some of my questions answered.

I tried Garba Pindasana today. Hilarity ensued.

Backbends felt good. I've been using blocks against the wall to come into Urdhva Danurasana for the first two repetitions of the pose (then without the blocks the third time). Today, I tried not using the blocks at all and found it rough going. I could get up, but the backbend wasn't as deep. I'm amazed by how much those props support and deepen the pose.

Meditation was great, but a bit unusual. This weekend is the 'Grand Prix' and I can hear the sound of the cars all the way in my neighbourhood. I tried putting on my noise reduction headphones, but I could still hear (and be distracted) by the unearthly whine. Finally plugged the headphones into iTunes and listen to an ocean soundtrack and had a fabulous, serene meditation. At least I could pretend that I was sitting on a beach!

Day 20

I got up early this morning (which was more a matter of will power than anything else) then went for my daily walk. It was so lovely and cool out! The circuit from my building to the park and back takes about an hour. This morning, I drank tea as I walked.

I've been finding that when I practice mid-day, my mind tends to be more distracted and it feels like my practice swallows up a huge amount of time. In the morning, I seem to be more focused and able to move right into it. That's what I did this morning. I moved from walking to yoga to meditation, sort of like a big vinyasa - mere breaths between each activity.

I'm still working on keeping my focus on the breath and the static contraction of my quads in poses. It was coolish out this morning, but I still managed to build up heat and even had to wipe away sweat during the seated postures.

A few milestones in the standing postures: I've been using props and modifications to maintain alignment in some of these postures. Today, I took my block from vertical to horizontal in Parivritta Trikonasana. In Parivritta Parsvakonasana, I've been staying on the ball of the back foot, but today I managed to get my foot flat to the floor.

I grabbed my wrists on both sides in Marichyasana A this morning, only one side in Marichyasana B. Marichyasana C felt better on the left side than the right - this is a switch! I'm continuing to work Hanumasana for five breaths on each side. Today, I took the blocks for that pose from vertical to horizontal. This is substantial progress for me! Perhaps there's hope for that one yet!

My lower back was very, very cranky in Paschimottanasana and I didn't do Kurmasana or Supta Kurmasana.

In Urdhva Danurasana, I experimented with the blocks, using them for my feet instead of my hands (I saw this mod in the BBB Power Yoga book). I ended up slipping and hitting my head! I tried again with the hands on the blocks...better. I'm feeling very strong doing the pose without any props at all - in fact, I now feel very comfortable coming up into it, but if my back is not open, I can totally feel it. That's become my new 'edge' (rather than arms and shoulders).

In the closing sequence, I worked against the wall for Urdhva Padmasana and Pindasana, just to start to get a sense of the poses.

I did ten minutes of meditation too.

Day 19

I went to get my bloodwork done at the doctor's office this morning, so I didn't get to my practice until the afternoon. I had a really, really hard time motivating myself to practice today, kept getting pulled into other stuff (notably, the Internet *ahem*).

I was very distracted during the practice itself - totally lost that sense of flow and focus that came so easily to me yesterday. The practice seemed endless and I could feel the edge of impatience tickling the edge of my consciousness.

My back felt really cranky in Paschimottanasana, particularly my sacrum. I worked on alignment and tried not to worry about coming in deep. But Janu Sirsasana felt great and I could kiss my shin in that pose. What gives? I do know that my right side is tighter than my left in Janu Sirsasana.

I viewed some images of the variations of Marichyasana online today and realised that I was grabbing my wrist wrong. Today, I corrected that and like magic, I was able to grab my wrist in Marichyasana B on both sides! A, B down, C and D to go! (yeah, like D is ever going to happen *eye roll*)

Oh, Urdhva Padmasana, why do you vex me so? This looks so easy, so why is it so difficult and unstable for me? I have yet to nail it. Today, I tried bringing one leg into a kind of Halasana, and supporting the other leg in an Ardha Pasmasana with my arm. Try to do both and I tumble. Ditto for Pindasana.

It's worth noting that while I can do lotus, my left knee needs so support because it doesn't come to the floor and I can't fold into lotus from inverted posed. I also can't bind to come into Baddha Padmasana. For Tolasana, I've continued to use blocks.

Day 18

I was out doing a photo shoot in the morning, so didn't practice until the afternoon today. I didn't have a spectacular practice, but I did feel like I was in some kind of 'zone' today. I had a lot of bhavana - focus and awareness - in each pose and everything just seemed to flow very smoothly. I wasn't thinking about the pose I had just finished, or the pose I was going to do next; I was fully present in each pose and each moment. I really seemed to nail the whole practise-without-attachment thing.

And I grabbed my wrist in Marichyasana B!! This is a good sign that I'm going deeper in the Mari sequence. I could only do it on one side, but the other side is very nearly there too!

Oddly, headstand felt unstable and unsatisfying. I didn't even try to do a half-bend, just came down in to child's pose so I could pout.

It was a good day for backbends. I did held each instance of Urdhva Danurasana for five breaths.

Savasana was like floating.

Day 17

I haven't been getting up early for my practice/walks lately, at least for the last few days. Today, it was raining when I woke up, so there didn't seem to be a point. Also, I have been experiencing some mild joint pain from a medication I'm on and mornings are particularly difficult. I find my practice is much better if I schedule it later in the day.

Today wasn't a sweaty practice (I seem to sweat less and less, the longer I'm at this). It was coolish out, though. Once again, I worked on keeping my breath consistent. One thing I may try to do today is watch the DVD as an observer, without practising. I think I'm ready to start refining the practice and adding some of the finer transitions to my sun salutations (particularly in Surya Namaskara B).

I had a nice moment in Marichyasana A today. I was able to fully bind (grab my wrist, instead of just my fingers). I was also able to find a deeper bind in Marichyasana B, though not my wrist. Marichyasana C felt much better. I think I've come to a place of acceptance in that Mari and just work with my edge where I find it.

I've been doing Hanumasana in place of Marichyasana D. I'm finding that I'm coming deeper into Hanumasana, and also finding acceptance of my edge in that pose as well - a challenge for me with my tight hips and hamstrings.

My handstands were very strong today - I did three. On the third one, I came up so lightly that I didn't even come to the wall, but just floated in mid-air for an instant before the wall found my heels.

Headstand was incredible. No wall today at all. It was like the wall wasn't there. I'm starting to pretend that the wall isn't there. Soon, I may start moving further away from the wall.

It was a good day for meditation. I felt very serene and calm. The few times I felt agitated, I used a simple mantra to calm my mind.

Day 16

Today, I set the intention of being very focused and consistent with my practice. I only stopped the DVD once (to blow my nose). I didn't drink water at all during the practice (as has been my habit) and I tried to maintain Ujayi breathing throughout.

It seemed to work well - I kept my heat up even during the standing poses. I felt strong and open in most poses (but Mari C gave me some trouble today). Forward bends felt a bit better. My back was actually fairly open today, which surprised me a lot. I came into Urdhva Danurasana three times - twice with blocks against the wall and one glorious backbend without props. I felt like I was flying.

Headstand was good - true to my goal, I'm not using the wall at all. I'm about a foot away from it, just for safety. I feel very stable and safe in the pose.

I didn't practice Ashtanga yesterday. Instead, I did a very gentle, restorative one-hour practice, going back to my beloved 'Yoga for Beginners' DVD with Iyengar Yoga instructor Patricia Walden. I started my yoga practice with this programme on video years ago and it still feels like a happy place to me. I recently purchased a copy on DVD for old times sake.

It was interesting to do this practice as a more advanced practitioner. I found some of the beginners modifications very soothing and did them, even though I could go deeper. I broke into a tiny little sweat in standing poses and the holds didn't feel difficult at all (when I first started, I remember them being excruciating).

Viparita Karani is still pure bliss and I still love Walden's Savasana sequence. I recall that I always had problems focusing during Savasana, but didn't have that problem tonight. I guess I really have grown!

I nearly skipped practice yesterday, but I'm glad I chose to do this gentler practice instead. It was a good reminder to listen to my body and stay in the moment.

Day 15

Early, early practice this morning - I started at 6:45 after an hour-long walk. It's very cool out this morning and I had a lot of trouble building up heat. I managed to start sweating in Surya Namaskara B, but cooled off as I moved into standing poses. I think part of my problem is that I was not very focused on my Ujayi breath.

I was also very distracted this morning, took many potty breaks and skipped a few of the more difficult poses.

Jumpthroughs were not happening right away, but I got into them after awhile (then gave up completely about half-way through primary series).

Backbends were not happening at all. My back was so cranky, that I skipped a few poses that tend to aggravate it (Ubaya Padangusthasana).

I literally cheered when I finally got to Sirsasana - it felt like an inverted child's pose and half-bend is finally feeling stable to me.

When I have a 'bad' Sadhana like this, I have to remind myself that at least I'm on the mat, *doing* the practice. At least I didn't give up.