Astanga

I’m exhausted. How exhausted?

Well, this morning, I woke with the alarm at 5 a.m., then got up to do my light therapy and some writing for a half-hour. Next, I started to make the bed in preparation for my practice. I dropped on my tummy for a moment while pulling the bottom sheet off the futon. And I woke up three hours later, dazed and confused. I was *still* tired.

I got up, took a hot bath and sat down to meditate, but I was still sleepy and also stressed out over some financial stuff (SO typical for this time of year. After months of a very slow teaching schedule, by October I’m usually searching the sofa cushions for toonies in order to make rent). I decided to go to the bank and run some errands to wake up myself up a bit.

It was 10:30 before I actually stepped on the mat and I was STILL tired. To my surprise, I didn’t have a bad practice. I wasn’t sure I would even get through Primary, but I did. Then I wasn’t certain I would do any Intermediate. I did Laghu three times and it was my best Laghu ever!

I decided to cross the backbending bridge when I came to it. When I did, I just shrugged and did my best. And my backbends were terrific! Urdhva Dhanurasana didn’t feel frantic, I had three fantastic dropbacks, and I stood up from the futon on every single try, smooth and evenly. I think I was too tired to fuss; I just wanted to do it and be finished.

Yet, the entire time I was practising, I felt tired. It was a bit like an out-of-body experience: I was watching my body do stuff that I was pretty sure I didn’t have the energy for (jumpingback, jumpingthrough, jumpingback, jumpingthrough...I feel exhausted just writing that!)

The exhaustion hasn’t faded. I wrote the first four paragraphs of this blog entry and I was so sleepy I had to lay down - and immediately fell asleep for an hour.

It makes sense that I would be a little bit worn out. Yesterday, I taught three led classes (two Hatha, one Astanga). But it’s only the beginning of the week! I still have four more days of this. I’m teaching three classes again today and I’ll be teaching *four* classes on Wednesday and Thursday!

Clearly, I need to think this through. Until the end of June next year, I’ll be teaching 3-4 led classes a day, five days a week, plus one or two classes (or more) on the weekend. As I was soaking in the tub and feeling overwhelmed, it occurred to me that I’ve never done this schedule before with the level of practice I’m currently doing.

This is the heaviest teaching schedule I’ve ever had and the hardest practice I’ve ever done. Yes, I know, I know - it can and will get harder. But for now, it’s difficult and I’m trying to figure out how to sustain this given my workload.

I pushed the rewind button on my blog and did a little bit of reading.

October 2009: That was the year I was doing a varied practice with more Vinyasa and Hatha style in addition to Astanga. During the first weeks of the October, I slowed my home practice waaaaay down, opting for shorter durations and easier sequences.

October 2008: I was recovering from a major illness and hospitalization, and I hadn’t quite worked up to my full Primary yet. There was a lot of half-Primary and Swenson ‘short forms’ that month. Quite honestly, I don’t know how I got through that. I had just come off of bed rest and I was so weak!! I couldn’t do Chaturanga!!

October 2007: No comparison. I was teaching half the class load I am now and my practice was shorter (I wasn’t practising all of the Primary Series most days).

I’m not going to get a split anytime soon and I’m not going to make any progress with these Intermediate poses (or my backbending) if I’m not practising.

I’m not sure what to do. In a couple weeks, D&J will be in town for workshops and I can talk to them. I just have to tough it out until then.

Astanga

I have to admit, it’s *really* nice to be back in a regular routine again. I woke at 5 a.m., did my light therapy and salt bath, did 10 minutes of mediation. I took Princess Fur out briefly, got her breakfast and I was on my mat by 6:30. It wasn’t painful at all.

For some reason, practice feels less overwhelming when I do it early in the morning and there’s something very soft and meditative about the pre-dawn hours. I forgot how nice that is.

I had a space cadet moment in the middle of Primary! I totally forgot about Bhujapidasana/Kurmasana/Supta K. I was already onto Baddha Konasana, wondering why it felt so easy, when I remembered and went back. Then I repeated Garba Pindasana and Baddha K again, since I love those poses anyway. Lately, I’ve been popping right up into Kukutasana from Garba. That’s such an amusement park ride of a pose! So much fun!

I worked hard today! Gone are the days when my practice felt ‘easy’. By the time I get through my Intermediate poses, I’m already feeling tired and then I still need to work on backbending!

Dropbacks and standups were better today. I’m thinking these through a bit more. For the dropbacks today, I opted for slightly wider feet (they’re off the mat again, but literally flush with the edges), and I’m trying to keep the heels from swivelling inward as I drop. I’m also maintaining the ‘hang’ for as long and deep as possible before I finally drop to the floor. This will be my work in dropbacks for the week.

I’m still dropping to the futon to stand up. This week, my focus is threefold: deep inhalations while rocking forward, getting a feel for how far forward my hips need to be to smoothly come up, and engaging the legs strongly to come to standing.

Today, I stood up three times. The first one was bad (I didn’t come up evenly), the second was better (it was just sloppy and I took a few steps forward) and the third was pretty good (smooth and controlled)!

Susan commented yesterday that my painful knee in Parsva Dhanurasana could be due to a tight IT band on the outside of the left leg. I did a Yin ‘butterfly’ as a preparation before Dhanurasana and I think it helped. I had no pain my knees during Parsva Dhanurasana until the very end (so I aligned my legs hip width apart for that last hold).

The 4 minute hold in Sirsasana was a bit too much for me this morning - I had to come down. I checked the timer and I did manage to hold for over 3.5 minutes, so that will be my goal for the week. Maybe next week I’ll be ready for the 4 minute hold.

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When I first set up the Facebook Page for the Reluctant Ashtangi, I wasn’t sure exactly what I was going to do with it. I spend a LOT of time online and most of it is spent reading or researching. I regularly come across amazing stuff. The FB page has taken shape as a means to share the links and resources I find on the Internet and to recognise some of the amazing bloggers I read on a daily basis.

My posts from that page also appear on my Twitter stream, which also appears on my blog page, so there are multiple ways to view the links. I hope they’re useful to readers of this blog.

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I know some of you have been pining for the 70s Yoga Ladies. They miss you too! This week, Kareen is back with us to demonstrate a series of postures guaranteed to ‘increase your bust’. I know that’s a concern top of mind for all of us!

And not just the ladies...there’s some benefit for the gentlemen too! According to Kareen, this series of postures “builds the bust for ladies and expands the chest for men.” (italics are hers)

Also “firms and reduces a “layered” tummy.”

A few of the poses may look vaguely familiar if you practise the Primary Series. I know! All this time you’ve been doing Prasarita Padottansana C and I’ll bet you never realised that you were actually ‘augmenting’ your assets. Yoga Chikitsa for the win!!!

The Bust Builders:

“DO it often if you are concerned about your bustline!”

Astanga

My Lady’s Holiday started today, almost a week behind schedule. In a few days, I’ll find out whether this weight I’ve put on is ‘water weight’ or the consequences of eating everything in sight for two weeks during my extended PMS. *burp*

I knew it was on its way when I woke up this morning. My practice was fantastic, but hours later I was doubled over in pain. I was so grateful to be able to squeeze in one more practice before my body fell to pieces. I’ve been miserable all day. :-(

Great practice! I received another adjustment in Prasarita C today. My hands feel like they’re nowhere near the floor. I guess I was wrong about that. I had to bend my knees a bit to keep the sensation out of the injured hammie (everything was just a bit stiff today; I’m blaming hormones). I still got a nice shoulder stretch and enjoyed it. I just love that adjustment!

I had a fun, non-yoga-related ‘lightbulb moment’ this morning. Each morning, right around the same time (usually after I’ve finished Uttita Hasta Padangusthasana) one teacher leaves. I hear the rattle of keys, then the door. I’ve always been mildly curious what this was about. I mean, it’s not like they’re going out for a smoke break or something! I’m pretty sure I have it figured out now: they have to move the car to another parking spot! Ah, city life! :-) Another piece of the Shala Routine puzzle has fallen into place for me!

During my seated poses today, I received tonnes of great feedback regarding my vinyasas:

Jumping back:

-Hands closer together

-Flex the feet to bring them through

-Inhale on the lift, exhale as the feet go through

-CHIN UP!

None of this is ‘new’ but it was good to have the reminders and to clean things up a bit; I’ve been getting really lazy. The shoulder soreness I was noticing a few weeks ago has faded, but I have to be very mindful of the positioning of my hands in the jumpbacks. I can feel the ‘twinge’ come back when my hands are too far back or too wide apart. Usually, I pause to correct this before the jumpback, but R wants me to get them right from the get-go, which makes perfect sense.

For jumping through:

-Lift the hips

-Gaze at the point where the feet will land

I worked very hard to integrate every cue. I was literally dripping with sweat and shaking with exertion from all of my not-lazy-jumps as I moved through my practice. And they *were* getting better. I had a few genuinely ‘floaty’ jumpthroughs!

Backbending: The bar is being raised again! I was given just *one* ‘monkey ass’ warm-up backbend opportunity before ‘Boot Camp’ started in earnest. There was no lighthearted banter today! Today, we were Very Serious about backbending! *eyebrowfurrow*

I only did two backbends for the first set but the holds were interminable. R was pulling my hips forward and she counted out the breaths for each backbend. Her counts are MUCH slower than my counts. I was in agony by count number five, but I stuck it out every time.

And you know what? I didn’t fall over dead afterward, my legs didn’t spontaneously combust or anything. The ‘pain’ I feel in these backbends is just the discomfort of exertion, nothing bad is happening to me, I’m just getting stronger. I’m starting to ‘toughen up’ and learning not to be such a whiny baby about it all.

After that, I did three backbends with rocking (three rocks), resting in between (breathe! arms at your sides! eyes open!).

R was really going to town with the rocking! Since my hands are not lifting through my own effort, she was literally pulling me forward until they did. I think she was trying to help me get a sense of what it feels like when the weight shifts into the feet. It kind of felt like my knees were moving forward and my belly button was lifting up. This reminded me of something Skippetty wrote in the comments, about ‘extending the belly button up to the sky’.

One final note: I was so tuckered out as I completed the finishing poses that I accidentally skipped everything after Sirsasana and went on to the closing prayer and laid down. It didn’t even occur to me until I was leaving the Shala that I hadn’t even done Uth Pluthi! It was a pure Space Cadet moment! :-D

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I had a single goal for my Park Backbending today: Deep inhale while rocking forward. Proper breathing is a challenge for me and when no one is there to bug me about it I get ‘The Lazy’. To be honest, it feels really HARD to inhale as I rock forward. For some reason, my in-breath feels ‘blocked’. Today at the Shala, I noticed this, so I wanted to fine tune it on my own.

Dropbacks are going really well! I’ve been working against the slope exclusively for the past few days. This is allowing me to deepen my ‘hangback’ and practice the mechanics of dropping back without putting a lot of strain on my wrists. I’m sensitive to this because I have more than one friend with wrist issues.

Today, a thought came to me as I was hanging back: I wondered if I could stand up from the hangback! I could! With an inhalation. So I did that a few times. And this led to another thought: If I could just rock forward to the point where I’m ‘hanging back’, I could stand up!

And that’s as far as I got with that. No magic there, just thinking things through.

I did 10 dropbacks and rocked three times in each, really working the inhalation. My hands were lifting every time, but I’m on a slope so it’s easier. As I was rocking forward in dropback #5, I had a brief moment of ‘weightlessness’ and I was able to ‘pause’ the lift and hang there for a moment. Amazing!

I wish some of this work I’m doing outside the Shala would reflect more in what I’m working on in the Shala. I don’t feel like it’s really having any effect yet. I’m trying to just work hard in every way I can and be patient with the process.

Astanga

I’m going to continue with the earlier start time this week and see how it works for me. I’m starting my practice around 6:30. The Shala is a bit quieter as I begin, which I kind of like.

This morning, I was the first person in the door! My attention was pretty scattered throughout my practice and I had a really tough time connecting with my Ujjayi breath, I had to keep reminding myself to breath! It was slow, pokey practice from the get-go, so I took my time in the poses, futzing around to get deeper or find better alignment.

Teacher R was on duty today, so there was lots of verbal feedback and alignment fixes. She was a bit gentler with the adjustment in Prasarita Padottanasana C and I exerted myself to relax (I love the way that sentence came out! *grin*). When I came up, she held her hands apart about 15 centimetres (6 inches) and said, “You’re this close to the floor!” That’s pretty incredible! I definitely wouldn’t be that close without the adjustments.

The week before last, R paused me in Bhujapidasana, came over and pulled my hips back and instructed me to put my chin on the floor. She hasn’t helped me with it since, but today I got that adjustment again. I guess the hips angle back to control the decent of the chin (and avoid the dreaded face-plant-ouch). I’m not close to doing this on my own, but it’s useful to observe how it feels and where I need muscle engagement to support it (Bandhas, legs). Today, I was able to keep my feet off the floor while the chin was down!

The exit from Bhujapidasana was a true comedic moment. I kind of flopped over to one side, all of my limbs tangled up like spaghetti and then I made this noise that sounded like: OOF! I detangled, found a Bakasana and jumped back, still giggling!

‘Kurmasana Boot Camp’! R didn’t give an adjustment for this pose, she just stood there watching, making sure that my heels (which haven’t been off the floor in about a week, to be honest), lifted and stayed up for five breaths. This was hard work for my legs, but my arms were *really* uncomfortable. They felt sqooshed! Clearly, my chest needs to sink deeper to the floor and the legs need to be positioned properly (back of knees over arms) for this to work.

Garba Pindasana has been much better since P and I had our little chat about the rolls last week. This is a pose that has seen steady improvement since I started attending the Shala, but I haven’t mentioned it much. Two months ago, I could get my arms through my legs, but that was about it. I’m now able to get my arms all the way through and curl into the pose, hands on ears and hold for five breaths. I had to re-learn the roll because I was rolling the wrong direction! (yeah, I know, it IS pretty funny, isn’t it?). Once I got that going, I started working on the breath and smoother rolls. For the past week, I’ve been able to roll while curled with my hands on my head, breathing correctly and coming up into Kukutasana smoothly.

Today, R stopped me as I was pulling my arms out of Kukutasana, instructed me to keep my legs in lotus and walked me through a lotus jumpback. Hilarity ensued. I didn’t really lift as much as scootch my knees backward. I ended up stuck, on my belly, legs still in full lotus, trying to untangle myself to get into Chaturanga. Lucky me! There was another opportunity after Uth Pluthi. Again, she walked me through it verbally - I don’t think there’s much she can do to help me physically. This is something I just have to figure out on my own.

Backbending was epic today...it went on and on. After three backbends, I was just starting to warm up. The next two were good, but my feet were not wide enough. I decided to do another one, walked my hands in until the heels popped up, then pressed the feet down firmly (that was #6). I rested and decided to do another, walking my hands in even more. R saw me come up and instructed me to rock, exhaling my chest back, inhaling my hips forward. I managed about 4 breaths and came down (that was #7). I was wondering if I should try another when I heard her say “One more” so up I went! I walked my hands in, and this time rocked for the full five breaths, keeping my heels planted on the floor (for some reason, they were lifting in #7).

And that was enough! I finished my practice with one Space Cadet moment - I skipped Pindasana and had to backtrack. I took a long Savasana for my almost-two-hour practice. Sheesh!

So that sets the tone for the week. There will be a lot of backbending! Today, I discovered that there’s really no ‘upper limit’ on the number of backbends I'm allowed to do. So I’m going to work them until I’m too tired to continue. This will mean longer practices for a while, but it’s the best way to build the strength and openness I need (I’m discovering that these two things are intricately interwoven).

Back at home, I did my spiderman-down-and-up-the-wall routine - three times. I was really feeling it in the legs coming up. Not as smooth as yesterday, but I was pretty tired!

Homework: Watch videos of jumping back with full lotus.
First challenge: How to get my legs un-stuck in order to do that!

Astanga

I felt completely depleted after practice this morning, like the Jolly Green Giant had picked me up and rung me out like a facecloth. My clothes were soaked, my legs rubbery.

So I wasn’t thrilled when, after a long wait for the stupid streetcar, I wasn’t able to board because no one was moving back (there was plenty of room). Out of blue, I heard a clear voice ring out, no-nonsense and authoritative: “All passengers please move to the back of the streetcar to accommodate those boarding!” And like a herd of sleepy sheep, people DID move back and I was able to get on.

The guy boarding behind me nudged my arm and said “Nice going!” And that’s when I realised that the authoritative voice was me! In my exhaustion and frustration I had totally conjured up my Yoga Teacher Voice, the same one I use when I direct 25 students in a gymnasium to stand-up-and-come-to-the-top-of-your-mat-Samasthiti. I was barely aware, I was so clobbered by practice.

I was sweating BUCKETS today. I know I shouldn’t be complaining. It’s not even close to being *really* hot or humid yet, but I was DYING in there this morning. If this is a foreshadowing of the State-of-the-Shala in summer, I’ll need to adjust to the heavy, dense heat and anticipate VERY sweaty practices. I should have drank a few more glasses of water before I hit the mat. I’m already anticipating the purchase of a new ‘Shala uniform’ that is more heat-friendly. Thank goodness I’m losing this extra weight because I’ll probably be in tiny shorts and a sports bra by August, modesty be damned.

I had another Space Cadet Day. I’m going to blame the heat because it makes me feel better. I skipped Purvottanasana, but didn’t remember it until I was on the streetcar home. Inexplicably, I skipped Marichyasana B, my favourite pose (though lately it’s been feeling wonky on the right side). I went back and picked it up and repeated C, because I knew R would be on my case if I didn’t. I was kind of dreading that repeat, but it actually felt great on the second try.

Marichyasana D was tough today - no wrist bind there. Supta Kurmasana was fun! R waited for me to bind and cross my ankles on my own, then she rearranged my legs and let me come up mostly on my own (and then my sweaty legs slid down my sweaty arms, making any kind of graceful exit impossible).

Predictably, my arms and shoulders are tired today. I was really getting lazy with my lift-ups and jumpbacks. My right shoulder is very twingy - not sure what’s going with that. It’s not really pain, but a soreness on the front inside edge of the deltoid. It feels deep. If anyone has ideas, please comment.

Teacher R decided that today would be a perfect day for Urdhva Dhanurasana Bootcamp! She parked herself next to my mat as I was setting up for backbends. The first one was agony and the next two were a bit better, but still difficult. Backbend #4 had me walking my hands in and engaging my legs until I was shaking, R let me come down to the floor for a rest (that was merciful: usually I rest my head on the floor and come right back up). The last backbend was insanely difficult, but in a different way. I was just working very, very hard. I walked my hands in for what felt like miles (but was very likely centimetres).

It’s lucky I don’t spend too much time thinking about how hard this practice is when I’m not doing it. If I did that, I’d probably *never* be able to coax myself to the Shala six days a week. Instead, I remind myself about the parts I like: the amazing energy of the room, the confident support of the teachers, quietly chanting the opening and closing chants, squishes in forward bends, favourite adjustments and taking rest at the end.