Astanga

Aaaaand Day 5 of 6. I was up at 4:30, on the mat by 5:30, finished by 7:25 and out the door by 8. Life is moving too fast! This week just blew by and I feel like I spent all of it teaching, practising, eating, sleeping. Repeat.

Well, that and errands, and hand laundry.

And caring for Princess Fur. Even at my busiest, I make time for cuddles, playtime and long walks with my dog. It's not Fur's fault that I'm over scheduled.

Yes, I like all of these things and they make me happy. But I haven't been making time for ME. Of course, I do my practice and meditate every day, but I'm missing that quiet, introspective time needed to 'process'. Without it, I get loopy, discontented and stir-crazy.

That's where I am right now. So far, with the exception of a few angsty blurts on Twitter, I've managed to hold my shit together pretty well, but I'm feeling a bit rootless and uncertain again. I'm having a crisis of confidence in both my practice and my teaching (ironically, I've had incredibly positive feedback on my teaching this week, so I really need to stop being quite so hard on myself).

I think I just need some rest, so that's first on the agenda (my classes cancelled tonight, so I can go to bed early). Tomorrow morning, I'll make a bit of time to sit and drink tea in the window seat, watch the sun rise, do some reading, maybe a bit of writing, and thinking.

My morning yoga routine hasn't felt long or difficult lately, but it *has* been a tad bit lonely. I miss the sound and energy of people around me as I practice, so tomorrow I'm heading up to the Shala North Mysore room to visit DR in the late morning. I've been jonesing for a Prasarita C adjustment. If I'm lucky, I may get Supta Kurmasana too. And a good squish.

And after I've done these three things, I'll re-evaluate how I'm feeling and see if the itch has been scratched.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Astanga

I appreciate all of your comments and I’ll respond to them as soon as I can (probably on Friday when I have some breathing room in my schedule). It’s good to know that I’m not alone, struggling through this and I’m not completely crazy.

I decided at minimum, I should make sleep a priroity. Last night, I set the alarm with the goal of getting 9 hours of sleep (rather than getting up at a consistent time as I normally do). It definitely made a difference. I wasn’t exhausted in the morning and I made it through the day without napping.

A friend asked me if I was still riding my bicycle. I am, and that’s a good point! I ride upwards of 30 kilometres a day. In October, I usually buy a subway pass and start using public transit instead. This will give me time to rest and remove some physical exertion from my daily round.

I also remembered something my friend ELP said regarding breathing and Astanga. She once practised with a friend while chatting at the same time and was exhausted after. She observed that the practice depletes energy if the breath is shallow or incorrect. During these first few weeks of classes, I ‘demo’ in my classes much more than usual, usually doing so while talking my students through the vinyasas. I wonder if this is depleting my energy levels?

My practice today was good. These days, my Primary series is always very consistent. Where I notice the most variation is in my Intermediate poses and backbends. I was surprised to find that my backbends were not as comfortable as yesterday! It took forever for me to start my dropbacks and standing up was difficult again. Apparently, ‘falling down exhausted’ is good for backbending!

Laghu is getting better every day. I now lower my head down to a block (10 centimetres), hold for five breaths and come up. I repeat this three times. I know it’s benefitting me because my quads HURT! ;-)

Astanga

I’m exhausted. How exhausted?

Well, this morning, I woke with the alarm at 5 a.m., then got up to do my light therapy and some writing for a half-hour. Next, I started to make the bed in preparation for my practice. I dropped on my tummy for a moment while pulling the bottom sheet off the futon. And I woke up three hours later, dazed and confused. I was *still* tired.

I got up, took a hot bath and sat down to meditate, but I was still sleepy and also stressed out over some financial stuff (SO typical for this time of year. After months of a very slow teaching schedule, by October I’m usually searching the sofa cushions for toonies in order to make rent). I decided to go to the bank and run some errands to wake up myself up a bit.

It was 10:30 before I actually stepped on the mat and I was STILL tired. To my surprise, I didn’t have a bad practice. I wasn’t sure I would even get through Primary, but I did. Then I wasn’t certain I would do any Intermediate. I did Laghu three times and it was my best Laghu ever!

I decided to cross the backbending bridge when I came to it. When I did, I just shrugged and did my best. And my backbends were terrific! Urdhva Dhanurasana didn’t feel frantic, I had three fantastic dropbacks, and I stood up from the futon on every single try, smooth and evenly. I think I was too tired to fuss; I just wanted to do it and be finished.

Yet, the entire time I was practising, I felt tired. It was a bit like an out-of-body experience: I was watching my body do stuff that I was pretty sure I didn’t have the energy for (jumpingback, jumpingthrough, jumpingback, jumpingthrough...I feel exhausted just writing that!)

The exhaustion hasn’t faded. I wrote the first four paragraphs of this blog entry and I was so sleepy I had to lay down - and immediately fell asleep for an hour.

It makes sense that I would be a little bit worn out. Yesterday, I taught three led classes (two Hatha, one Astanga). But it’s only the beginning of the week! I still have four more days of this. I’m teaching three classes again today and I’ll be teaching *four* classes on Wednesday and Thursday!

Clearly, I need to think this through. Until the end of June next year, I’ll be teaching 3-4 led classes a day, five days a week, plus one or two classes (or more) on the weekend. As I was soaking in the tub and feeling overwhelmed, it occurred to me that I’ve never done this schedule before with the level of practice I’m currently doing.

This is the heaviest teaching schedule I’ve ever had and the hardest practice I’ve ever done. Yes, I know, I know - it can and will get harder. But for now, it’s difficult and I’m trying to figure out how to sustain this given my workload.

I pushed the rewind button on my blog and did a little bit of reading.

October 2009: That was the year I was doing a varied practice with more Vinyasa and Hatha style in addition to Astanga. During the first weeks of the October, I slowed my home practice waaaaay down, opting for shorter durations and easier sequences.

October 2008: I was recovering from a major illness and hospitalization, and I hadn’t quite worked up to my full Primary yet. There was a lot of half-Primary and Swenson ‘short forms’ that month. Quite honestly, I don’t know how I got through that. I had just come off of bed rest and I was so weak!! I couldn’t do Chaturanga!!

October 2007: No comparison. I was teaching half the class load I am now and my practice was shorter (I wasn’t practising all of the Primary Series most days).

I’m not going to get a split anytime soon and I’m not going to make any progress with these Intermediate poses (or my backbending) if I’m not practising.

I’m not sure what to do. In a couple weeks, D&J will be in town for workshops and I can talk to them. I just have to tough it out until then.

Vinyasa

Up early, checked email, went for a walk, did my practice after a bit of shuffling around and procrastinating.

I did the 60 minute version of YogaDownload Core #1. Interesting, this longer version of this class is actually *less* intense than the 30 minute version, with more time spent in the poses (read: longer holds). I sweated less but worked harder. The poses were more or less the same, with some extras like Parivritta Trikonasana and Prasarita Padottanasana C. The seated abdominal sequence was repeated a second time. I'm going to make a prediction: the 45 minute version of this class will provide the perfect 'middle way' between these two extremes and it will prove my favourite.

I'm feeling dull and sleepy today, just a bit moody. I didn't really have 'fun' in my practice today, but it wasn't the postures or sequence, it was definitely just me.

On my way to the grocery store earlier, I was mulling it over, trying to figure out why I'm so *tired*. Then I realised: I'm teaching. A lot. Right. So it's an adjustment.

Also: Gray, cool weather almost always puts me in a more mellow mood. Not in a bad way - it's a great day to sit by the window and read a book. And maybe take a nap.