Astanga

Practice this morning was tough. I was paying attention to the sensations in my shoulder during every pose and transition, taking care to back off when I felt the slightest twinge. A huge number of poses, both in the Primary Series and my Intermediate, are now modified.

The whole process was mentally exhausting. Usually, my momentum carries me forward. Today, I felt like I had to bully myself through every pose. By the time I got to Pasasana (modified twist with prayer hands *sigh*), I was frustrated and spent.

On the bright side, I'm still able to do the 'lift-up' part of Vinyasa, so I've been emphasizing that and I had a few genuinely awesome 'Lolasana moments'.

I can't press into Urdhva Dhanurasana from the floor without discomfort. I have to drop back instead. I'm using the wall as a support so I can drop back with properly aligned feet. Once I'm in the pose, my shoulder doesn't hurt.

Since I was already at the wall, I worked on standing up too, walking my hands up the wall a bit, then standing. It felt really good! I'm looking forward to this part of my practice tomorrow.

It's not a great practice right now, but I feel good about moving through it and learning from the experience. I'm trying to keep positive.

This has been a challenging week. My Fall pre-reg sessions usually wrap up by now, but they've been dragging on due to earlier cancellations. They won't finish until next week. I had hoped to travel up to Montreal this week to practice with D&J, but it just wasn't possible. My next chance will be in March.

I'll just be happy to have a couple weeks of a slower schedule so I can catch my breath. I'm exhausted. Then it all starts up again in January.



(Sunset tonight, while waiting for the bus to take me to my three back-to-back classes.)

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Astanga

Aaaaand Day 5 of 6. I was up at 4:30, on the mat by 5:30, finished by 7:25 and out the door by 8. Life is moving too fast! This week just blew by and I feel like I spent all of it teaching, practising, eating, sleeping. Repeat.

Well, that and errands, and hand laundry.

And caring for Princess Fur. Even at my busiest, I make time for cuddles, playtime and long walks with my dog. It's not Fur's fault that I'm over scheduled.

Yes, I like all of these things and they make me happy. But I haven't been making time for ME. Of course, I do my practice and meditate every day, but I'm missing that quiet, introspective time needed to 'process'. Without it, I get loopy, discontented and stir-crazy.

That's where I am right now. So far, with the exception of a few angsty blurts on Twitter, I've managed to hold my shit together pretty well, but I'm feeling a bit rootless and uncertain again. I'm having a crisis of confidence in both my practice and my teaching (ironically, I've had incredibly positive feedback on my teaching this week, so I really need to stop being quite so hard on myself).

I think I just need some rest, so that's first on the agenda (my classes cancelled tonight, so I can go to bed early). Tomorrow morning, I'll make a bit of time to sit and drink tea in the window seat, watch the sun rise, do some reading, maybe a bit of writing, and thinking.

My morning yoga routine hasn't felt long or difficult lately, but it *has* been a tad bit lonely. I miss the sound and energy of people around me as I practice, so tomorrow I'm heading up to the Shala North Mysore room to visit DR in the late morning. I've been jonesing for a Prasarita C adjustment. If I'm lucky, I may get Supta Kurmasana too. And a good squish.

And after I've done these three things, I'll re-evaluate how I'm feeling and see if the itch has been scratched.




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