Party Crashers and Evangelists

It's been a little over a week since 'Dogma-gate' and I'm long overdue in thanking all of you for your super-awesome comments. They went a long way towards convincing me that I'm not crazypants. And you also reminded me of something essential: We should all be minding our mental Driste as well as our visual one. And honouring the principal of Ahimsa in our lives and on our blogs by refraining from anonymous, person attacks on one other.

My teacher wrote a terrific blog post about dogma here. Go read it, then come back, because you don't want to miss the part about my drunken, party-crashing quadraceps.

Are you back? Good!

I was startled by how deeply those comments affected me. In hindsight, I totally get it because I was having a tender, touchy week. Intermediate Series is tough! I'm only practising roughly half the series and it still wrings me out, exhausts me physically and mentally (and I thought it would be *easier*! Ha,ha,ha! I'm still having a good laugh about that one, at my own expense). By the time I finish my practice, taking rest seems like too much work. I just want to curl up in a ball and pass out.

But I'm adjusting. This morning, after successfully binding both sides in Pasasana, I realised that I just have to *decide* to bind. If there's any question in my mind about the binding then it doesn't happen. I started to apply this new philosophy to each pose and I realised that up to this point, I've been approaching the Intermediate Series the same way Dobby the House Elf (of 'Harry Potter' fame) approached that all-important sock that set him free from slavery. "A SOCK, Master?! Really? FOR ME? You've given Dobby a SOCK!?"

Each and every pose was feeling like an all-encompassing event that I had to think about, double-check, and brace myself for. On some level, I couldn't believe I was actually doing these poses. Me! On my mat! Intermediate Series! I was worried that somebody (Anonymous? The Astanga Police?) would march into the Shala and take it all away from me. This morning, I let go of all that.

I also let go of any illusion of perfection. I practised each pose to the best of my ability, and then I let it go so I could move on to the next. And my practice flew by. I didn't have help with LBH poses this morning, so I wiggled into them myself. My exits from Eka Pada Sirsasana would have made fine comedy material, but I tried. Dwi Pada Sirsasana was a train wreck, but it was MY trainwreck and I'm kind of proud of the way I bungled through it. For the first time since I split, I feel like this practice belongs to me. I'm owning it, in all its rough imperfection.

I didn't really stop or slow down until I got to the backbending - and DT was waiting for me to get the party started. Today, instead of poking my own hamstrings, I poked hers, which only highlighted how uncooperative *mine* are. Another piece of this puzzle is my gluteus medius.

Let's take the horrible 'party' analogy to it's full expression, shall we?

Urdhva Dhanurasana is having a party! Yay! Invitiations have been sent out. The hamstrings RSVP'ed and they're supposed to be bringing a date, the glut medius. Everything is going fine. Most of the guests have arrived - my heels are grounded, my inner thighs are internally rotating and our hostess (DT) has nudged my errant right foot (the one that always splays out) back into place. The President's Choice hors d'oeuvres are circulating and the drinks are flowing freely. I press up into the backbend. And that's when the quadraceps arrive, loud and unruly. You can't even have a conversation over the din of their off-tune singing. They dance around the room clutching a bottle of whisky while the hamstrings look on despairingly. The hams shoot a meaningful glance at the glut medius and say: "Hey, this place is getting a bit crowded. What do you say we head to the martini bar down the street?"

This is around the time that DT is usually shaking her head and saying "Nope, they're not on, the hamstrings are not on" and I'm collapsing into a heap, bemoaning my burning quadraceps. We tried a few different things today. Some of these things helped, some made me feel like I was trying to speak Swahili. But it's a process. That's why it's called a 'practice' and I'm there every day, at 6 a.m., rain or shine.

Which, in a funny way, leads me right back to dogma. There's actually nothing wrong with dogma - as long as it lives within the confines of our own mats. Let's face it - everybody has a personal brand of batshit crazy that no one else can understand. My non-Astanga friends think I'm nuts. My more traditional Astanga friends suspect that I'm not quite nuts enough.

But at 6 a.m., it's just me and my crazy on my mat, with occasional input from my teacher. Dogma tells us that everyone is doing the same practice, but it's just not true. We're all doing our own version of Astanga. Each teacher out there is transmitting this practice as they were taught - and the variations are staggering (and so are the disagreements around who is 'correct').

How about this: We're all correct! Everyone has their own dogma, their own frame of reference for this practice. Each Mysore room has a culture, carefully cultivated by the teacher. It's when we start applying our own crazy to everyone around us that the conflict begins. When we stop respecting each other as practitioners, that's when we've lost the heart of Astanga, the very thing that brings us to the mat in the first place: Yoga-Yuj-Unity.

This is a value I'm holding on to, one that tells me I'm not alone and there's a deeper meaning to everything I'm doing, on the mat and off.


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There's no party without the hamstrings

I was working on Ustrasana this morning when DT stopped by to suggest that I bring my legs together - just as an experiment - in order to experience the action in the legs (internal rotation). Then she said: "Extend your toes." I looked at her, then back at my toes with a stern expression. I think I also had my hands on my hips. It must have looked very much like I was 'bad-ladying' my toes because DT laughed. Then she said: "Uncurl them."

Huh?!!! But sure enough, my toes were curled up in Ustrasana! Intermediate Series is highlighting all of my unruly, rebel body parts!

Practice was just hard this morning. I felt stiff. I just can't seem to access my upper back the way DT wants me to. I briefly wondered if I my backbending is backsliding but I suspect Miss D may be raising the bar just a bit. Or maybe not, but it feels harder.

Here's an interesting problem: My hamstrings aren't 'on' in Urdhva Dhanurasana. DT pointed this out one day during assisted dropbacks. I told her my quads were buzzing and she shook her head at me. "You need to use you hamstrings more." I couldn't do it. I can *think* about engaging my hams, but when I do, nothing happens.

DT put blocks under both my feet this morning and I pressed up on top of my head. "Feel it?, she asked. "Now they're on!" But I couldn't feel *anything*. I poked at my hamstrings with my fingers. They *felt* like they were on. Even when DT removed one block, so one foot was on the floor, I couldn't feel a difference (but she could see it). Apparently my hamstrings speak Swahili.

I was mostly on my own today with the LBH poses (the room was pretty busy) so by the time I had some help in Eka Pada, I was bendier. I still can't get into Dwi Pada myself though, except against a wall, so that's what I did. DT has been taking me into Supta K from Dwi Pada.

Here's a burning question: I can lower down to Supta K on my own, but how on earth do I keep my feet from sliding down my head?

I have a feeling I know the answer: 'Engage the hamstrings.' See?There's no party without the hamstrings. Might as well go home if they don't show up!


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Sunday Social

Argh, my back! It's not really hurting-hurting, there's just a lot of sensation emerging, new stuff I haven't felt before - especially in my upper back and shoulders.

I know I'm accessing my upper back in backbends more and more. I'm even accessing my upper back more in my day to day life! Standing in the kitchen stirring miso soup, I'll sometimes activate my upper back muscles and feel my chest lift up. I've been laying over those wooden backbending bridges at least once a day (usually twice), so I practice there too, reaching my arms over my head, chin to my chest to feel the lift. If I do it right, my upper back curves away from the wood bridge beneath. It's pretty awesome.

But those muscles are sore now. Last week, DT was adjusting me in Eka Pada Sirsasana and poked her knee into my right upper back. I yelped! I'm sore in so many new and different places, I'm having trouble cataloguing them all.

As of today, my 'six day Astanga week' has formally returned. DT added a Sunday Mysore to the schedule. With the Saturday Vinyasa class, this means I'm back to practising yoga every day, but that's okay because the weekend classes are social!

I love being at the shala on the weekend! It's located in a vibrant market neighbourhood. There are shops and great places to eat all around. The vegan cafe downstairs bakes fantastic muffins that I'm now addicted to. I've been hanging out at the shala after practice to chat with people and I'm having so much fun getting to know my new shalamates. DT is keen to build a sense of community in her room. I forsee many social, friendly weekends ahead of me.

Practice report: Today, I practised Intermediate Series up to Tittibhasana. Yes, more new poses. DT wanted me to add these poses with the others last week, but I decided to hold off until this week.

I found Yoga Nidrasana relatively easy. I've been practising Tittibhasana A and B before Kurmasana in Primary, so that part was simple enough. DT had to talk me through Tittibhasana C, though. I've never done that pose in any context! She encouraged me to engage my legs and wow, no kidding! If I let my legs go, I fell on my bum! It's a difficult pose, even with my super-flexible hamstrings, because it requires strength and mindfulness as well as flexiblity. I would have never guessed that, looking at it in yoga books.

Sunday Mysore starts late, so I had time for a long walk and a salt bath before I left this morning. Since the room steamy hot, I thought I would I would have a super bendy practice, but I didn't. I felt stiff and gummy. Oh well!


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First week of Intermediate

I capped off my first week of Intermediate Series practice today with Primary Series. It was a relief to go back to the familiar routine of my old practice. I was curious how Primary would feel after a week of new poses and all of that uber-backbending. It felt easy and comfortable, just like an old slipper that has been well broken in - soft and pliable.

Now that my shoulder feels better, I've been adding in some of the more complex exits from poses, especially in the Marichyasanas. I couldn't resist doing a little bit of Eka Pada and Dwi Pada before my Supta K, but I generally stuck to the sequence and didn't add any backbends. Doing only three Urdhva Dhanurasana felt like cheating! ;-)

My practice this week was strenuous and challenging. Even though I'm familiar with most of these postures, it still felt like a lot for my body to process. I was exhausted at the end of every practice. I'm still repeating poses (backbends) and doing a few preps (mostly for Kapotasana and UD), but mindful not to allow my practice to overstep the 2-hour mark. Still, it kind of cracks me up that I thought my practice would be *easier* and *shorter*. Turns out, it's neither! It's just different and more challenging.

The first day, I discovered I coudn't bind anymore in Pasana. DT had to help me. By Friday, I was binding on my own again. The same was true for Krounchasana - I felt unusually stiff the first day but by mid-week, it was as deep as it always was. It's almost as if my body had to accept that fact that there would be no specific 'warm-up' for those parts of my practice and it all started to open up on its own.

Since the shoulder injury was aggravated by it, I had removed Parsva Dhanurasana from my practice for the past few months. This week, I returned to it and discovered that my knees *still* hurt when I roll to my side (this has been an ongoing problem). I asked DT about it and she watched me take the pose. It took her all of three seconds to diagnose the problem: "You're leading with your knees when you roll. You need to lead with your hips!" Simple solution. The pose doesn't hurt anymore and I can't believe the fix was so easy!

The biggest surprise of the week was discovering that I'm actually pretty flexible! DT is really happy with my progress in Kapotasana. She says my back is flexible, it's just not as strong as it needs to be. My greatest hinderance in Kapotasana is a lack of strength in my back and a lack of openness in my triceps and chest. DT added Raj Kapotasana as a preparation. I'm using a strap to grab my foot. I'm also doing some front-hip openers.

Supta Vajrasana continues to be my 'happy place' pose, even though it's involves a backbend and it's really not very comfortable. I think I love it because it's easy and obvious to access my thoracic back and doing this really makes a difference in the pose. It's good practice for me.

Bakasana A is not difficult. I've been getting help with Bakasana B - I jump to a half-handstand and DT helps me lower into the arm balance. I use that pose as an opportunity to do a few preperatory hops to handstand against the wall (I'm chuffed that handstand is sneaking back into my practice again).

Eka Pada Sirsasana and Dwi Pada Sirsasana have become deeper this week. I started using the window ledge as a 'prop' for a preparation pose. DT worked with me on the alignment of my legs, especially the leg that goes behind the head. I 'taught' myself this pose a long time ago (I've always been able to sort-of do it), but I taught myself wrong. The way I was coming into it wasn't horrible or anything, but I'm grateful to have a teacher looking after me as I learn this stuff.

The biggest shift I've observed in my practice this week wasn't in backbending, but in inversions, particularly Sirsasana. Headstand feels like an entirely different pose now, super-easy and stable, like I could stay in it forever. The change is actually quite striking and I don't know what to make of it. It was never a difficult pose for me, but it feels so much more solid now.


Princess Fur, celebrating spring with leaps and bounds (she didn't actually catch the squirrel)

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Dogma Attack

After my post on Monday, I received a handful of comments on the blog. Some were warm and supportive, others were critical but fair, and there was one - just one - that was abusive, petty and meanspirited.

I know what you're thinking: I got off pretty easy, and you're probably right.

I shouldn't have let it bother me, but clearly I'm not making as much progress on the old 'don't-take-things-personally' Samskara as I should be. I don't get a lot of hate mail. The comment deeply hurt me, particularly since (though it was written 'anonymously') I knew exactly who wrote it.

I've been hunkered down, mulling this whole thing over. For a day or two, I was pretty sure I would shut down the blog. Between my practice and teaching, I really don't have the energy for this kind of drama. I considered blogging privately. I flirted around with the idea of writing about cheesy 70s television, or Cute Things Princess Fur Does.

But I have a feeling that's not what you, the 500+ readers who quietly surf and absorb and lurk without judgement, are here for. You're here to read about yoga. And that's what I forgot about in all the mental static around the Rude Comment. All of you outnumber 'anonymous' by a wide, wide margin and I've found friendship and a genuine sense of connection in the 'Cybershala.'

And as isolated as I was feeling, I was reminded that I'm no longer in this alone. My teacher not only reads my blog, but she and her partner are unconditionally supportive of my writing. They've made it clear that I can blog freely about my practice, both the positive and the negative. They trust me to be fair and honest in my writing.

Many of my shalamates read too. A few have blogs of their own. I'm realising that I'm in a very different place than I was a year ago when I was practising at Shala Central.

But I think I need to make something clear to all of you who read this: My practice has changed a LOT in the past few months and I'm no longer doing what could be described as a 'traditional' practice. One of you remarked about my split: 'That's not the way it's done.' I know that. I'm doing things differently and I'm comfortable with that.

For the time being, you can expect to read about a practice that's more 'criminal' than 'traditional'. This shouldn't be a great shock to anyone, it's pretty much been the way I've always rolled. Think about it: I 'gave' myself the Primary Series, in its entirety, learned from books and DVDs. I've always used props and preparation poses in my home practice (and I know some of you do too!).

I should probably mention that when I visit a traditional room, I'll always respect the rules of the teacher. During my recent visit with DR at Shala North, I practised the Primary Series from start to finish with no embellishments or added poses. It's a privelege to be a visitor in a Mysore room and I'll always honour that.

I had an entire post composed in my head about dogma, but the bottom line is, we're all grown-ups and we get to choose our yoga practice. If we're smart about it, we choose a practice that makes us stronger, keeps us safe from injury and - this is an important point - helps us to become kinder, more loving, compassionate people. If a more dogmatic practice does that for you, terrific! It wasn't doing it for me, so I'm making a different choice.

I don't knock anyone for thinking differently, I just don't support a fundmentalist attitude with holier-than-thou ashtangis going around attacking others for lacking 'purity' in their practice or warning of dire consequences if others don't follow 'the rules.'

Someone implied that by taking Intermediate Series before standing up from a backbend, I was endangering myself. I'm not worried. I've been practising yoga in the lineage of Krishnamarcharya (Iyengar yoga, classical Hatha, Anusara and Astanga) for close to 16 years. I've been doing most of these postures 'out of sequence' for a long time. I think I'll be fine.

There are many, many ways to practise yoga. I don't believe there's one 'right way'. I'm finding the 'right way' for me. If that resonates with you, keep reading.


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Fart-o-maniac and the Split

Today was a great day at the shala! There's finally mat storage: Hallelujah! Also: I'm *finally* split!!!

This morning, I split from Primary and took six new Intermediate poses. From now on, I'll practise Intermediate Series through Dwi Pada Sirsasana every day (except Fridays - I'll stick with the tradition and go back to Primary Series on that day).

This wasn't a surprise - DT and I discussed it at length and came to the decision together. My practice has been very long, sometimes in excess of 2.5 hours (now that I'm recieving adjustments and instruction, it takes much longer than it did at home). Grinding through an hour or more of forward bends every day just wasn't serving me anymore. My hamstrings are long enough! What I really need is more backbending.

For the benefit of my non-Astanga readers, I should probably back up and explain more clearly what a 'split' is. Here's an analogy: Think of an Oreo cookie, two chocolate wafers with some sweet white filling in between. The first chocoate wafer is Surya Namaskara A and B (sun salutations) and the fundamental standing poses. Everyone does these, even if they're working on fifth series. The white filling depends on what you've been given so far by your teacher. The second chocolate wafer is backbends (Urdhva Dhanurasana) and closing poses (shoulderstand, et al).

Everyone who practises Msyore-style begins with a little bit of Primary Series. Most start with just a smear of the white filling (and maybe only part of a chocolate wafer on each end). The teacher gradually adds more and more until there's a full cookie (the full Primary Series!). Intermediate Series is then added pose by pose, in addition to Primary. After awhile, it becomes a bit like an Oreo 'doublestuff' cookie - it's a lot of yoga.

Eventually, the cookie gets *too* big. That's where I was at. With the split, I'm back to two chocolate wafers with about half the amount of filling I had before. It's more manageable.

Most of the 'new' poses I was given today are not new-to-me. I've been working on the LBH poses in the context of Primary for weeks, Bakasana (an arm balance) and the twists are easy for me.

The only place I truly felt out of my depth was in Supta Vajrasana. I've never done this pose before! And I love it!!! It's my new favourite thing :-)

Bakasana B is challenging. It's basically a handstand into Bakasana. I used to do a lot of handstand in my Anusara practice. When DT asked me to hop into a handstand with legs tucked, I faltered. But I knew *exactly* what was going on. I even said out loud: "I need to turn off my brain!" As soon as I did, I went right up! But the core strength to lower into the arm balance isn't there yet. That will be a project. DT helped me today and it was fine.

Yoga Nidrasana and Tittibhasana are waiting patiently in the wings. DT wants me to add those soon. I sometimes do Tittibhasana as a preparation to Kurmasana, so it won't be a stretch.

In theory, this change was supposed to *shorten* my practice and make it easier. In reality, it took 2 hours from start to finish (in part because I repeated a few of the backbends). It completely exhausted me. I was pretty disoriented moving through the new stuff.

It felt very odd to go right into Pasasana from Parvottanasana! And it was hard! Actually, everything was difficult. I felt cold and stiff and wondered if I would ever warm up. But by the time I hit Bhekasana, I was sweating profusely. I was running out of steam in the LBH poses.

I was relieved (and exhausted) when I finished Dwi Pada Sirsasana. Then I remembered: I still needed to do Urdhva Dhanurasana and dropbacks! Would you like some backbends with your backbends? ;-) I think it will feel easier tomorrow, now that I've been through it once.

********************
I had a funny moment as I finished my practice. I was jumping my lotus back after Uth Plutihi, when I emitted a sudden, high-decibel fart that sounded *exactly* like one of Princess Fur's 'squeaky toys'. It was so dramatic that for a moment, a profound silence hung over the room. Then everyone busted out laughing.

I love the fact that in my new shala, weird and embarassing body noises are a cause of hilarity and shared laughter, instead of humiliation. :-D

In the spirit of the moment, one of my shalamates offered this tidbit: In the 19th century, a Frenchman named Joseph Pujol travelled the world performing as a Flatulist (a professional farter). He called himself 'Le Pétomane', which roughly translates as "fart-o-maniac".

According to Wikipedia, some of the highlights of his performance included recreating the effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms, as well as serenading the audience with moving renditions of "'O Sole Mio" and "La Marseillaise".

Also, this: "It is a common misconception that Joseph Pujol actually passed intestinal gas as part of his stage performance. Rather, Pujol was able to "inhale" or move air into his rectum and then control the release of that air with his anal sphincter muscles."

In other words, SQUEEZE YOUR ANUS! Dude had Mula Madskillz! So I guess I really *am* using my Bandhas!

Joseph Pujol





(image source: Wikipedia)

As I turned to leave, I said to the room: "Of course, you guys know, I'm TOTALLY gonna blog this, right?" :-D

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Weekend Yoga Adventures!

Ten years ago, a friend and I compiled a list of 100 things that were awesome and unique about our city. I think the 'vomit comet' was number 57. This is a nickname for the northbound night bus that carries drunken club-goers back to their northern suburbs. It's apparently...ahem!...quite the experience!

I've never taken the 'vomit comet' before, but this morning I decided to give it a go because I wanted to drop in to DR's Mysore room at Shala North at 7 a.m.

I left with plenty of time to spare. In fact, I was at the bus stop by 6:10. Good thing, too - because the bus didn't come. And the next bus didn't come. A half-hour later, a bus passed by, but it didn't stop because it was packed full. The next one didn't stop either.

Mysteriously, the 'vomit comet' was packed with leggy people adorned in brightly-coloured track suits, fit-looking, clutching water bottles. I was perplexed. What happend to the 'club scene'? Where were all the stoned ravers and drunk teenagers?

The mystery solved itself when a middle-aged, stringy gentleman in a bright turquoise track suit approached our bus stop, water bottle in hand. There were three of us waiting and we gazed at him curiously. He was friendly. He explained that the buses were full because a 10K race was starting in an hour. Aha! Mystery solved!

The four of us pooled our resources and grabbed the next taxi north. After waiting in the cold for almost an hour, I arrived at Shala North around 7 a.m., just as I had intended, so it all worked out in the end!

I had the nicest practice in DR's room! I'm genuinely fond of him and his assistants are really terrific. This is a 'traditional room' so I didn't do any of the extras or prep work I've been adding in lately. It was a bit different doing my 'standard issue' Primary Series again, without the extras (correct vinyasa!). But I didn't skip any poses.

I noticed that the poses came easier than I remembered, especially Supta K. I came into it the regular way, without the LBH stuff beforehand. An assistant helped me cross my feet. I used to struggle to bind in this one, but I bound easily this morning. And crossing my ankles actually felt comfortable! The Marichyasanas felt great - DT has really been working me in these and it showed. Every bind was easy and I felt tall instead of all scrunched.

DR worked with me on dropbacks and standing. My legs were already sore from the work I had done this week with DT, so it was *challenging*, but fun. DR is really good at taking me right up to the edge of my strength. He made me work hard to stand up! At one point, I was pressing up on my fingertips, working my legs until they quivered like jelly! I'm sure I'll feel that tomorrow!

Then I got a genuine, full-on Paschimo squish, which was awesome. I really miss those!

On Saturday, I went to my teacher DT's vinyasa class. Every week, she blows my mind a little bit by asking me to do something unusual or (seemingly) impossible. This week, she brought us into Gomuhkasana and on the exit, asked us to lift into a tripod headstand with our legs still twisted together.

My immediate reaction was: "You want me to do WHAT?!!!!" I can do a regular tripod headstand and I can even twist my legs together once I'm up there. But for some reason, twisty legs weigh about *kazillion* pounds! Eek!

I didn't have a lot of time to think about it though, so of course, I just DID it and it was fine. But holy smokes! HEAVY!

On Friday night, I went to the 'Gong Show' Bikram community class. A new-to-me teacher was leading. I've decided to call her 'Hazlenut' (I name all the Hot Central teachers after nuts). I liked her class a lot - Hazlenut's pacing was very good.

Even though I'm only doing Bikram classes periodically, it's getting easier and easier. I have a theory: my Astanga practice is SO long and difficult right now, it makes hot yoga feel like a very warm, sweaty vacation. Think about it: the class is only 90 minutes and I get to take rest between nearly every pose! Compared to my morning practice which is 2.5 hours and I go-go-go!

I noticed two interesting things in particular during this Bikram class: My hips are now VERY open in Pavan Muktasana. I can bring my knee to my shoulder! And backbending is comfortable and fun, especially Ustrasana, which used to be my 'nemesis pose'. Now I love it! Yay!


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