Accidental Hiatus

Summer was seductive and elusive this year. She approached coyly, dancing just out of reach, then finally swept me up in a tight embrace. I found myself instantly smitten, dizzy with heat and honeysuckle and the intoxicating glow of day lilies.

I've been so distracted! I think I'm in love :-D. This is my season! I adore the sun, I crave the heat and luxuriate in the slower pace of the summer months. I even love the humidity (you can take a girl out of the South, but I guess you can't take the South out of the girl!).

I haven't been blogging because I've been busy soaking up sunshine under flawless blue skies, snacking on fresh-picked mulberries along endless afternoon walks and spending my evenings on the balcony with friends, watching sunsets paint the skyscrapers pink.

I've also been doing a LOT of yoga. During the last weeks of June, my teaching schedule trickled to part-time. On most days, in addition to morning Mysore practice, I've been going to other yoga classes. A dear, longtime friend of mine is visiting from abroad. He loves hot yoga so I've been going to as many hot classes as I can fit in. I've been revisiting some of my favourite teachers at Hot Central and it's been so much fun! I've also been attending a couple of vinyasa classes each week and filling in the gaps with some fun home practices.

I should also come clean about something: I haven't been writing because I really don't know what to say about my practice.

I'm in the first months with this new-to-me teacher in a new shala with rules that I'm still trying to figure out. Practising in this room sometimes feels like a game of Whac-a-Mole. You know the one I'm talking about? At carnivals?

The player holds a big, soft 'hammer' and the 'moles' stick their heads out. But as quickly as they appear, they disappear. One appears in a corner and you think you've nailed it, but another one pops up just as quickly in the far corner. Then another, then another, all in different places. It's disorienting. You can't keep up with them!


Photo credit: Filched off the Internet. If it's yours, let me know and I'll credit you.
I've been bombarded with a lot of new information over the past three months, which I'm slowly trying to integrate into my practice. But whenever I think I've finally figured something out, another thing pops up. I think DT is sometimes frustrated by my seeming inattention to the details, but I really *am* listening to her. It's just a lot to process. My practice has changed ten-fold in the past three months. I think my brain is still catching up with my body.

Sometimes, I feel a bit lost.

After years of practising Primary, I'm facing Intermediate on my mat every day. I never thought I would be here. I used to insist that I would never get to second series. Only very recently have I started to feel like this is *my* practice, the work I'm supposed to be doing. For a while there, I felt like an interloper, doing someone else's yoga practice. Intermediate is challenging and awesome, but I still snuggle back into Primary on Fridays, feeling like a child sheltering under a favourite blanket.

I've made new friends at the new place. My new-favourite-shala-buddy practises right next to me - we share jokes and commiserate over LBH together and she's SO full of awesome. I enjoy being in a room where people support one another and laugh out loud during the funny moments.

But the majority of my shalamates share this common history, having followed DT from her last room. I'm one of a few who came from elsewhere. There are moments when I feel like stranger and wonder if I'll ever really fit in with this crowd.

My practice continues to evolve. Laghu Vajrasana is no longer the FML pose. I can come down to the floor and stay for five (very short) breaths before coming up again. I'm trying to build strength and endurance to stay in the pose longer and come up stronger. I'm also trying to translate the action into the Kapotasana exit.

The leg-behind-head stuff vacillates between 'awesome' and 'agony'. But swinging my legs into Dwi Pada Sirsasana is so natural now, it's hard to believe it ever felt impossible. During my weekly Primary, I regularly Dwi Pada into Supta Kurmasana, lower down, and then do the full exit when I'm done. It's one of the most satisfying moments of my week. :-D

I will try to write here more often. I might take a page from my friend Serene Flavour's book and write shorter posts. I know I'm going to feel like a moving target when I blog about getting new poses, but the reality is, I'm doing Intermediate for real. This is my practice now.

I'm still smarting a bit from the criticism that was lobbed at me when I split Primary (it wasn't the anonymous jabs that stung the most - the real hurt came from people I considered friends). I'm still feeling alienated and wary of the Cybershala these days. I email with a few people and follow a handful of blogs, but I'm not on Twitter much anymore and I've withdrawn into the 'real world' which isn't such a bad thing, actually.

But I've cultivated this web-space with such care and honesty over the years, I'd like to maintain it. So I'll take a stab at posting daily this week and see how it goes..

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Vacationing Hamstrings

The weather was horrible today. Cold, damp, pouring raining. The bike ride home was pure misery. As soon as a stepped in the door, I ran a bath and marinated in a tub full of Epsom salts for a half-hour. I'm heading right back to that tub after I publish this post. It's been *that* kind of day.

Oh, my poor, SORE hamstrings. *groan* I must be doing something right because my legs HURT!

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I've been trying to think of how I could best sum up the past week of yoga practice. In my brain, it feels something like this: HamstringsHamstringsHamstringsGluteusMediusHamstringsPleaselegstaybehindmyheadNOTanotherbackbendGAH! There's definitely a theme, though it's a bit fuzzy.

The conversations and analysis around all-things-Urdhva-Dhanurasana continue... On Wednesday, I came down from a backbend after yet another failure to 'turn on' my hamstrings. I asked DT depairingly: "Is it a lack of intelligence in my hamstrings, or a lack of strength?" She replied: "Probably a bit of both." I groaned. "So my hamstrings are weak AND stupid?" DT laughed and said: "More like they're on vacation."

"Dominican Republic," I confirmed. "They don't like the Canadian winters." Not only are my hamstrings getting drunk at the Urdhva Dhanurasana party, they're doing the limbo on tropical shores while drinky fruit cocktails. That's just awesome! *eyeroll*

But! My legs *are* getting stronger and I'm seeing effects across my practice. I'm able to lower all the way to the floor in Laghu Vajrasana again (this is a first since the shoulder injury). My backbends are getting deeper. My lame little version of Kapotasana is even feeling better (though 'better' is a relative term in Kapo).

When I did my Primary on Friday, I could feel a difference in all the poses - DT even noticed it. At the 'Gong Show' Bikram class that evening, I was able to do every. single. pose. competently for the first time ever - including my nemesis, toe-stand.

A new depth is emerging in my yoga practice - Intermediate Series is making me stronger.

There's a huge mental component to this, too. I'm learning that I have to be 'on' all the time. That's why it's so exhausting! In every pose, a major muscle group is working like mad. The poses of Intermediate Series not only demand strength, but a greater coordination of effort between different parts of the body. I find that I need to pay attention and I can't 'relax' into a pose.

I'm constantly amazed by how difficult even the most simple poses are. Take Tittibhasana. My hamstrings are pretty open so this one is not a big deal for me. I can breeze through Tittibhasana A and B (though the walking part is a little bit weird). But my endurance starts to flag in C and my legs are shaking like jello by the time I get to Tittibhasana D because it's SO MUCH WORK. Then I fall on my face trying to exit.

So that's the theme of my practice this week: It's difficult, demands full attention and deep reserves of perserverance and strength. But it's getting easier every day.

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On Friday, I welcomed a special visitor to our shala! The lovely Serene Flavor joined us for practice! If you ever have a chance to meet this amazing woman, you MUST! She was visiting town for a family event and cleared a whole morning to spend with me.

It was such a treat!!! She's incredibly warm and sparkly, one of those people you feel like you've known forever within minutes of meeting. It was so much fun having her in the room for Mysore. She has a great energy and focus in her practice. And it makes the 'Cybershala' feel a whole lot smaller and more 'real' when I'm able to practice with other bloggers. Her visit was well-timed: her kindness and good energy reminded me of how special our online community reallly is. It's a blessing and joy to connect with other Ashtangis from around the continent and around the globe!

After practice, I brought her to my 'hood for breakfast and introduced her to Princess Fur (and the "famous" Blue Futon). Then the three of us took a walk around the city. The weather couldn't have been more perfect: sunny and warm. Spring surprised us this year by arriving all at once - it feels like every tree and flower is bursting to life simultaneously. It was the perfect morning!

I'm so glad we had a chance to meet and I was able to show her the city at its best! Here's a photo of the three of us on the grounds of the University.


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There's no party without the hamstrings

I was working on Ustrasana this morning when DT stopped by to suggest that I bring my legs together - just as an experiment - in order to experience the action in the legs (internal rotation). Then she said: "Extend your toes." I looked at her, then back at my toes with a stern expression. I think I also had my hands on my hips. It must have looked very much like I was 'bad-ladying' my toes because DT laughed. Then she said: "Uncurl them."

Huh?!!! But sure enough, my toes were curled up in Ustrasana! Intermediate Series is highlighting all of my unruly, rebel body parts!

Practice was just hard this morning. I felt stiff. I just can't seem to access my upper back the way DT wants me to. I briefly wondered if I my backbending is backsliding but I suspect Miss D may be raising the bar just a bit. Or maybe not, but it feels harder.

Here's an interesting problem: My hamstrings aren't 'on' in Urdhva Dhanurasana. DT pointed this out one day during assisted dropbacks. I told her my quads were buzzing and she shook her head at me. "You need to use you hamstrings more." I couldn't do it. I can *think* about engaging my hams, but when I do, nothing happens.

DT put blocks under both my feet this morning and I pressed up on top of my head. "Feel it?, she asked. "Now they're on!" But I couldn't feel *anything*. I poked at my hamstrings with my fingers. They *felt* like they were on. Even when DT removed one block, so one foot was on the floor, I couldn't feel a difference (but she could see it). Apparently my hamstrings speak Swahili.

I was mostly on my own today with the LBH poses (the room was pretty busy) so by the time I had some help in Eka Pada, I was bendier. I still can't get into Dwi Pada myself though, except against a wall, so that's what I did. DT has been taking me into Supta K from Dwi Pada.

Here's a burning question: I can lower down to Supta K on my own, but how on earth do I keep my feet from sliding down my head?

I have a feeling I know the answer: 'Engage the hamstrings.' See?There's no party without the hamstrings. Might as well go home if they don't show up!


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Fart-o-maniac and the Split

Today was a great day at the shala! There's finally mat storage: Hallelujah! Also: I'm *finally* split!!!

This morning, I split from Primary and took six new Intermediate poses. From now on, I'll practise Intermediate Series through Dwi Pada Sirsasana every day (except Fridays - I'll stick with the tradition and go back to Primary Series on that day).

This wasn't a surprise - DT and I discussed it at length and came to the decision together. My practice has been very long, sometimes in excess of 2.5 hours (now that I'm recieving adjustments and instruction, it takes much longer than it did at home). Grinding through an hour or more of forward bends every day just wasn't serving me anymore. My hamstrings are long enough! What I really need is more backbending.

For the benefit of my non-Astanga readers, I should probably back up and explain more clearly what a 'split' is. Here's an analogy: Think of an Oreo cookie, two chocolate wafers with some sweet white filling in between. The first chocoate wafer is Surya Namaskara A and B (sun salutations) and the fundamental standing poses. Everyone does these, even if they're working on fifth series. The white filling depends on what you've been given so far by your teacher. The second chocolate wafer is backbends (Urdhva Dhanurasana) and closing poses (shoulderstand, et al).

Everyone who practises Msyore-style begins with a little bit of Primary Series. Most start with just a smear of the white filling (and maybe only part of a chocolate wafer on each end). The teacher gradually adds more and more until there's a full cookie (the full Primary Series!). Intermediate Series is then added pose by pose, in addition to Primary. After awhile, it becomes a bit like an Oreo 'doublestuff' cookie - it's a lot of yoga.

Eventually, the cookie gets *too* big. That's where I was at. With the split, I'm back to two chocolate wafers with about half the amount of filling I had before. It's more manageable.

Most of the 'new' poses I was given today are not new-to-me. I've been working on the LBH poses in the context of Primary for weeks, Bakasana (an arm balance) and the twists are easy for me.

The only place I truly felt out of my depth was in Supta Vajrasana. I've never done this pose before! And I love it!!! It's my new favourite thing :-)

Bakasana B is challenging. It's basically a handstand into Bakasana. I used to do a lot of handstand in my Anusara practice. When DT asked me to hop into a handstand with legs tucked, I faltered. But I knew *exactly* what was going on. I even said out loud: "I need to turn off my brain!" As soon as I did, I went right up! But the core strength to lower into the arm balance isn't there yet. That will be a project. DT helped me today and it was fine.

Yoga Nidrasana and Tittibhasana are waiting patiently in the wings. DT wants me to add those soon. I sometimes do Tittibhasana as a preparation to Kurmasana, so it won't be a stretch.

In theory, this change was supposed to *shorten* my practice and make it easier. In reality, it took 2 hours from start to finish (in part because I repeated a few of the backbends). It completely exhausted me. I was pretty disoriented moving through the new stuff.

It felt very odd to go right into Pasasana from Parvottanasana! And it was hard! Actually, everything was difficult. I felt cold and stiff and wondered if I would ever warm up. But by the time I hit Bhekasana, I was sweating profusely. I was running out of steam in the LBH poses.

I was relieved (and exhausted) when I finished Dwi Pada Sirsasana. Then I remembered: I still needed to do Urdhva Dhanurasana and dropbacks! Would you like some backbends with your backbends? ;-) I think it will feel easier tomorrow, now that I've been through it once.

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I had a funny moment as I finished my practice. I was jumping my lotus back after Uth Plutihi, when I emitted a sudden, high-decibel fart that sounded *exactly* like one of Princess Fur's 'squeaky toys'. It was so dramatic that for a moment, a profound silence hung over the room. Then everyone busted out laughing.

I love the fact that in my new shala, weird and embarassing body noises are a cause of hilarity and shared laughter, instead of humiliation. :-D

In the spirit of the moment, one of my shalamates offered this tidbit: In the 19th century, a Frenchman named Joseph Pujol travelled the world performing as a Flatulist (a professional farter). He called himself 'Le Pétomane', which roughly translates as "fart-o-maniac".

According to Wikipedia, some of the highlights of his performance included recreating the effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms, as well as serenading the audience with moving renditions of "'O Sole Mio" and "La Marseillaise".

Also, this: "It is a common misconception that Joseph Pujol actually passed intestinal gas as part of his stage performance. Rather, Pujol was able to "inhale" or move air into his rectum and then control the release of that air with his anal sphincter muscles."

In other words, SQUEEZE YOUR ANUS! Dude had Mula Madskillz! So I guess I really *am* using my Bandhas!

Joseph Pujol





(image source: Wikipedia)

As I turned to leave, I said to the room: "Of course, you guys know, I'm TOTALLY gonna blog this, right?" :-D

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