Day 149

Another early-morning-yoga day - I was up at 6 and on the mat by 6:30 for my last yoga practice of 2007.

Once again, I felt stiff and my back wasn't very open, but I did manage to build up a lot of heat. This is actually an interesting observation - skating chills me considerably because I'm outside for over an hour. Today, I went skating *after* yoga and I was able to come home and shower (and warm myself up) rather than jump on the mat with my icy little toes. I think I prefer it. I also love the atmosphere of early morning yoga - the candles on my altar, the darkness ouside, the warmth inside.

But I'm far more flexible in the afternoon.

Flexiblity, heat. Heat, flexibility. Hm... Not sure which I prefer.

I don't have anything profound to say about the New Year. I know that it holds great significance for some, as a 'clean slate'. For me, it's just another day, though I do take the opportunity to make some resolutions, goals to work toward in the coming months. This year's 'yoga resolution' is backbending and in particular, drop backs. I would like to have drop backs nailed by the end of the year.

WoYoPracMo starts tomorrow and I've given some thought to how I might challenge myself for the month, seeing as I already practice yoga 6 days a week regularly. I've decided that hell or high water, I'm going to do the complete primary series (no cheating, no short forms) for the entire month.

I'm also going to add daily seated meditation to my practice. This last part will definitely be challenging, as it's not something I've been doing lately. Week one, I'm going to meditate for 5 minutes each day, 10 minutes each day for the second week, 15 minutes for the third and 20 minutes a day by the fourth week. This seems doable to me.

I wish my four readers (yes, I have a fourth!) an enjoyable turn of the year. See you in 2008!

Day 148

Difficult day. Blech.

It started out okay - I rose early to do my practice before heading down to the soup kitchen. Early morning practice is almost always tough. I'm never as flexible in the morning as I am in the afternoon/evening, especially in my forward bends and back bends. But it's so, so nice to go about my day with the memory of my practice on the edge of my brain, knowing that I've already done it and don't need to worry about making time for it.

I was particuarly stiff this morning. I did my best in all the poses, skipping nothing, and stayed with my breath for the duration of the practice.

Then, surprise: In Bhujapindasana, I was able to swing my feet through my arms and put my head on the floor (kathunk). I've never been able to do that before and I'm not sure what inspired me to try it this morning. Wonder if I'll be able to repeat it tomorrow?

Frequently, it's these very questions that motivate me to the mat. ;-)

Afternoon: I had something on my mind. I decided to go for a long walk to think it through. The park was like a big sheet of ice. I slipped on the ice and landed in the biggest, foulest pile of dog shit in the vicinity. I'm totally not making this up.

There I was, laying on the ground, covered in shit. So I checked in with myself and for the first time in hours, I was totally present in the moment: the ice, the cold, the bruise on my hip, the stench of wet dog poo, my own deep sadness and frustration. And I started crying... No, actually I started *bawling*.

I managed to half-walk, half-crawl to a sidewalk and I cried all the way home. Dog poo is therapeutic.

My slippery fall into that dog shit is an apt metaphor for my entire day, actually.

Suffice to say, my Flickr account is now 'friends only' and I spent most of the evening sorting through the consequences of that change (many of the photos on this site are housed on Flickr and the links were broken during the transition - if you notice anything wonky on the site, let me know).

And if any of you are on Flickr and want to be on my 'friend list', drop me a line.

Day 147

I slept in this morning and went for a long walk with the dog instead of skating. Zamboni Guy does extra maintenance on Fridays, which takes more time, which means less ice time for me. So more and more often I'm opting out of going at all. I really miss my long walks in the park. Today, it was pleasant out temperature-wise and the path wasn't so icy.

Of course, this threw my entire schedule off and I ended up doing my practice in the evening. Once again, I found myself deeply connecting with my breath. This is so reassuring because after I had that upper respiratory infection a few weeks ago, I found it difficult to find my breath again.

I moved steadily through the series today, focused and not a lot of dawdling. After Bhujipadasana, I veered off on a tangent: Bakasana. I haven't done Bakasana since I stopped using the Beryl Bender Birch 'Power Yoga' DVD. On the DVD, she includes Bakasana in the Primary Series, even though it's not introduced in traditional Ashtanga Yoga until the Intermediate Series.

Bakasana has always been one of those poses that I can occasionally do, although very badly and wish I could do better.

Today, my Bakasana was unrecognisable! I should take a photo.

First of all, coming into it was smooth and uncomplicated. My knees were up near my shoulders and I was able to straighten my arms. And I just hung out there, clawing my fingers into the mat like my teacher always told me to do (but the advice never made sense to me at the time), perfectly stable and balanced.

It's mysterious...this is a pose that I haven't even been practising, yet here it is, improved.

It's like magic, except it isn't magic: I've worked hard to build strength and flexibility. This is the practice, working. This is the 'all' in “practice and all is coming.”

But I'm still amazed!

Day 146

I taught a noon class today, so it felt like the same old routine again: serving an early morning meal at the soup kitchen, skating for an hour, coming home to do my yoga practice, getting cleaned up, then off to teach. Except now I'm at home and feeling lazy. Good thing I don't have to go anywhere for the rest of the day. Or tomorrow either. I don't teach again until Saturday morning.

Yesterday, I felt wildly energized. But today I felt exhuasted. I had to really focus and encourage myself in order not to dawdle through my practice this morning. Once again, Ujjayi breathing saved me: I connected with my breath and rode it like a magic carpet through the primary series. I ended up having an very ordinary, but lovely practice.

Over the past year, I've been exploring how my fluctuating energy levels are part of my monthly cycle. This is somewhat new to me. I never really thought very much about this until I read Inga Muscio's book a few years ago.

**TMI Alert: This is your chance to bail out if this is Too Much Information: Take me to the kittens **

For a few years, I was on a birth control pill to control hormonal levels in hopes of mitigating a medical condition. It didn't work and I've since pursued another type of treatment (which seems to have worked). Because there was no longer any reason to be on the pill, I went off of it in 2006. It was a very rocky transition for me - weight gain, irritability, depression and my cycle was completely messed up. But once I got through the rough bits, I found my body falling into a very familiar and steady rhythm.

I'm very aware of subtle changes in my body. I believe that my yoga and meditation keeps me in tune with a my body to a greater degree than I was before I started this practice. This is particularly true in the past few years, as I've maintained a near-daily practice. I really notice regular mood shifts and variations in my energy level throughout the month.

When my energy level started to peak yesterday, I knew exactly what was going on. I even predicted it: 'Tomorrow, I'm going to feel lethargic and low energy.' Sure enough, today I was feeling unusually tired. This, along with other physical symptoms (see this page for more information), is a sure sign that I'm ovulating. I've been tracking these mood shifts and symptoms over the course of the year and I'm now able to predict with almost perfect accuracy the day of ovulation and the day of my period.

Besides the obvious advantage of being better prepared for my menstrual cycle when it comes, this knowledge has empowered me in other ways. I'm more aware now of how my body chemistry affects my brain chemistry and my moods. I'm more aware of 'PMS' than every before, but I've stopped feeling like a victim of my premenstual symptoms. Now, when I'm struck with moodiness, I'm more likely to remind myself: 'Those're just premenstrual hormones' and instead of reacting, connect with my deeper Self.

And here's where I'm going to get all esoteric and spiritual on you: Hindu and Buddhists teachings often focus on the illusion of identity. We identify ourselves with our cars, our jobs, even our emotions. But at our core, we're none of these things. Beyond moods and emotion and the machinations of our brains, we're pure spirit - each of us carrying the spark of the Divine.

Put simply, I'm not my PMS. At my very core, my true Self: joy and love and peace. When I view my PMS 'moods' in this light, it's easier to move past them, to connect with my higher Self and act instead of reacting.

Years ago, I might have skipped my yoga practice because I was 'grumpy' or 'too tired.' When I was feeling low-energy today, I gently urged myself to the mat instead. Now (no surprise) I'm feeling much better than I would have otherwise.

Day 145

Boxing Day! I did, in fact, go shopping. I stopped by Eaton Centre at 8 a.m., on my way to the ice rink. I needed some new shirts and I desperately needed a new pair of jeans (my old ones no longer fit). An extra bit of Christmas money helped pay for my purchases and everything was on sale. I'm delighted with my new duds!

I feel deeply blessed with all I've been given this Christmas. This holiday truly surprised me. I had very low expectations. I thought I would be on my own yesterday. In fact, I was surrounded by friends the entire day. It was all wonderful and unexpected and precious.

Today, my practice was very deep and focused. Recently (since the upper respiratory infection), I've had trouble connecting with my breath - but I had no problem with that today. This close connection with my breath allowed me to observe which poses I have particular trouble breathing deeply in. Marichyasana C is one of them. And, of course, Urdhva Dhanurasana is another. I don't understand why I feel so tight and blocked in backbends. I really struggled with this today.

Interestingly, I find that when I'm connecting with my breath and practising Ujjayi breathing, my practice unfolds very smoothly without too much interruption; each pose flows into the next. I finished in 75 minutes, which may be a record for me.

After my practice, as I went on with my day, I felt like everything I did was just a continuation of this flow. The momentum of my practice propelled me forward: showering, tidying the apartment, running an errand, doing some reading, heading to the soup kitchen in the late afternoon...one activity flowed into the next.

I felt very aware, very focused, very present for the remainder of the day.

Day 144

There wasn't a creature stirring at 7:30 this morning, as I headed to the ice rink. The subway wasn't running, so I walked to the streetcar stop. I amused myself by walking right down the middle of a busy road that runs through my neighbourhood. It's normally bustling with traffic, but between home and the station, I didn't encounter a single car.

The streetcar took me downtown and from there I walked east. Downtown was nearly as desolate as my neighbourhood. Very noticeable in the silence, I heard the roar of an engine coming up behind me. It was a big red fire truck. I waved enthusiastically and the truck slowed down. Beefy hands waved at me from the windows and five firefighters roared 'Merry Christmas' as the truck rolled by.

Zamboni Guy was at the rink when I arrived. He looked glum. The lock on the staff room was malfunctioning again and everything he needed to flood and groom the ice was in that room. The locksmith was enjoying Christmas morning with his family, but would come as soon as he could.

I asked Zamboni Guy if he'd gone out for coffee yet and he shook his head, “I haven't even had breakfast. Tim's is closed and everything is in that staff room”

I grinned and whipped out my thermos, said “Well, then it's lucky I brought coffee, eh?”

I knew that the nearby coffee shop was closed on Christmas morning and decided to surprise Zamboni Guy with the coffee. I had brewed two cups for the thermos and also brought a box of my Fabulous Butter Cookies to share. Since I like to be well-prepared, I also packed two coffee cups wrapped in a tea towel, a spoon, sugar and milk (turns out, we needed all of it).

So the Zamboni Guy and I sat down on a bench by the rink and I spread everything out on the tea towel. We enjoyed a decadent cookie breakfast and took turns telling each other our life stories as we watched people skate around in circles.

It was my bit of Karma Yoga for the day.

When I got home, I unrolled my slippery Manduka and did the full Primary Series. Good practice, no surprises. I moved through at a good clip. I added a couple of dropbacks to the three backbends I did. My backbends are feeling better and I think I'll post another 'state-of-the-backbend' photo soon for comparison.

I'm enjoying a quiet holiday. I prepared a fantastic meal around 2 p.m. and now I'm enjoying some green tea. In a little while, the dog and I are heading out to visit some friends and neighbours.

Wishing all of you a lovely day, wherever you are, whatever you're doing.

Om, shanti, shanti, shanti.

Day 143

I was wrong about the Moon Day - it was actually yesterday, so my day off and my Moon Day are the same day. This if fine - I would rather practise since I have time off. My Moon Day Cupcake had 'peace' on it, which I actually think is nicer than 'Happy Holidays'. Maybe I'll take to saying that instead of 'Happy Christmas.'

As usual, I'm full of news!

I spent yesterday morning at the soup kitchen, serving a very special holiday brunch to our guests. Unfortunately, it was pouring rain, so we had a smaller number of guests than usual. This is a shame, because these special meals are fantastic! They are catered by fancy chefs from a nearby hotel who donate the food and their time in preparing it. The chefs even stuck around for a while so our guests could give them a big round of applause.

After the meal was finished, we cleared some tables so the volunteers could feast on turkey (being a vegetarian, I passed on the turkey), fabulous stuffing, mashed potatoes, veggies and a dessert of fruity cake with home made maple walnut ice cream . It was such a treat to sit down my fellow volunteers and share a meal. Over time, these people have become good friends - this occasion reminded how important they all are to me.

I think this was my true celebration of the holiday. I simply couldn't have asked for a better 'Christmas supper' than this impromptu gathering of friends!

When I got home, there was a package waiting for me from my mother. She sent me a beautiful green 'prAna' extra-large yoga mat bag (if you're looking at the link, choose 'ivy' to see the colour I got) and enough money to buy myself a nice yoga mat. I've been practising on the same perwinkle Maha mat for over five years (and using a cruddy Lululemon bag that isn't nearly big enough for it). The Maha mat has holes in it. I've long wanted to replace it with a thick black Manduka mat but they're pricey.

So I phoned around and found a Manduka mat at a downtown yoga studio and picked it up in the evening. I carried it home in my beautiful new mat bag! What a treat!

As I sat there on the streetcar, holding it on my lap, I was so very, very excited! My own Manduka!! Squee!!!!!



I unrolled the Manduka for the first time this morning for my practice. As is always the case with a brand new mat, it's a bit slippery but the texture will become less so with use. It's a very solid mat, not as soft as my Maha, but it has better cushioning and support overall (I particularly noticed this in Sirsasana and Sarvangasana). I think I'll love it once I get used to it.

It a challenge for me to adjust whenever I make a major change to the environment of my practice. Today, I found that practising on the new mat was very distracting and disconcerting. I settled down a bit during the seated poses (that's when I generally put my Mysore rug over the mat), but I was still very aware that I was on a *different* surface. It reminds me a bit of how I felt when I first moved to this apartment and started practising in the new space. It took a couple of weeks for the energy to 'settle' and for everything to feel right.

I had a good practise for the most part. I had trouble warming up and my hips were tight at the beginning of practice (but opened up by the time I did the seated poses). I was able to bind to the wrist on both sides in Marichyasana C this morning (I was a bit worried that it might be a one-time thing, but no, I'm still doing it).

Jump throughs feel a bit smoother this morning, almost 'natural.' I have a feeling that one day they'll just fall into place I won't be able to imagine not being able to do them.

I'm having a great day - It's so great to be on holiday and not need to worry about rushing off to teach a class. Feeling very relaxed and rested. I'm making another batch of my Fabulous Butter Cookies this afternoon to treat various people over the next few days.

Peace!